What are the best office pranks for coworkers?

Classic office pranks include taping over mouse sensors, putting tape on the bottom of computer mice, wrapping desks in foil, or screenshot-as-desktop pranks. The best ones are quick to set up and harmless to clean up.

How do I prank my coworkers without getting fired?

Keep pranks harmless, quick to reverse, and never target anyone's actual work product. Avoid anything that could be seen as harassment or that damages equipment. Stick to pranks that make everyone laugh, including the target.

What are funny meeting pranks?

Subtle meeting pranks include using increasingly bizarre virtual backgrounds, asking overly specific questions about irrelevant details, or volunteering your coworker to lead the next meeting. Keep it light so it doesn't derail actual work.

Are office kitchen pranks a good idea?

Office kitchen pranks are some of the most popular workplace pranks. Labeling everything in the fridge with passive-aggressive notes, rearranging cabinet contents, or leaving decoy lunches are all fair game as long as you don't mess with anyone's actual food.

3,000+ Ways to Annoy Your Coworkers (2026)

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Need office prank ideas? You've found the motherload. With 3,000+ ways to annoy your coworkers across 30+ categories, this is the internet's most comprehensive collection of workplace pranks. From kitchen crimes and email horrors to meeting mayhem and desk sabotage, these funny work pranks will make 9-to-5 life way more entertaining.

3,000+ Coworker Pranks

1.Staple your reports in the wrong corner.
2.Put tape over the mouse optics.
3.Empty the paper out of the main printer/copier.
4.Unplug a co-worker's monitor.
5.Empty out a co-worker's office on a Friday afternoon.
6.Misplace people's pens.
7.Glue their mouse to the desk.
8.Leave an open can of tuna in their desk.
9.Make a screenshot of their desktop and use it as their screensaver.
10.Turn up the contrast on their monitor.
11.Use goofy event sounds for your programs.
12.Chant, "Yay, I got mail!!" every time you get a new email.
13.Leave your lunch garbage in other people's cans.
14.After each sip of a drink, give a refreshing, "Ahhh."
15.Put salt on someone's mouse pad.
16.Set a password on someone's screensaver.
17.Set your mobile phone to an obnoxious ring tone.
18.Forward chain letters and other spam to co-workers.
19.Express your political views at length.
20.Whisper loudly.
21.Come to work sick.
22.Mess with the thermostat.
23.Gradually turn down the volume on someone's phone.
24.Leave unusual print-outs on the printer.
25.Throw out other people's prints.
26.Leave the fridge open.
27.Shake up cans of pop in the fridge.
28.Leave fingerprints on the copier glass.
29.Whistle all day long.
30.Peer over the cubicle wall and wait for a co-worker to look up and notice.
31.Use the intercom to page yourself.
32.Talk to your monitor as if it were a person.
33.Schedule meetings at 4:00 PM.
34.Talk loudly with your earphones on when someone comes to talk to you.
35.Microwave fish every single day.
36.Microwave popcorn and burn it every single day.
37.Leave your dirty dishes in the sink "just for a minute" — for three weeks.
38.Eat someone else's clearly labeled lunch.
39.Replace the office coffee with decaf and tell no one.
40.Leave just enough coffee in the pot so you don't have to make a new one.
41.Bring in extremely smelly food and act confused when anyone mentions it.
42.Put an empty milk carton back in the fridge.
43.Never replace the paper towels.
44.Take the last of something and leave the empty container.
45.Chew with your mouth open at volume.
46.Slurp every beverage as loudly as humanly possible.
47.Eat crunchy foods during every video call.
48.Heat up garlic bread at 8 a.m.
49.Leave a passive-aggressive note about someone's food, then deny writing it.
50.Bring in donuts but only leave the ones no one wants.
51."Borrow" someone's mug and never return it.
52.Use the last of the dish soap and not replace it.
53.Steal sips of someone's drink and put it back.
54.Bring food that requires a loud blender at 9 a.m.
55.Ask to "try just a bite" of someone's lunch every day.
56.Ignore the expiration dates on shared condiments.
57.Leave food in the fridge until it becomes a science experiment.
58.Eat at your desk so loudly the whole floor can hear.
59.Bring in a birthday cake and cut the first slice as a tiny sliver so everyone else feels bad.
60.Always take the biggest slice.
61.Claim the communal snacks are "for everyone" and then eat 90% of them.
62.Heat soup in the microwave without covering it.
63.Never wipe up microwave splatter.
64.Cook eggs in the office microwave.
65.Leave a half-eaten banana on a shared surface.
66.Make a pot of coffee so weak it's basically hot water.
67.Make a pot of coffee so strong it dissolves spoons.
68.Never clean the coffee machine.
69.Ask if anyone wants anything from the kitchen and then don't bring them anything.
70.Bring in homemade food and hover waiting for compliments.
71.Insist your lunch smells amazing and offer everyone a taste — every day.
72.Always use the last of the sugar without telling anyone.
73.Store strongly scented food in an unsealed container in the shared fridge.
74.Announce loudly when you're going to the kitchen and never offer to get anyone anything.
75.Forget your lunch in the fridge until it liquefies.
76.Eat loudly on phone calls.
77.Always use the last pod in the Keurig and leave the empty box.
78.Somehow always be eating when someone needs to talk to you urgently.
79.Bring in noisy chip bags and open them during meetings.
80.Constantly ask what people are eating.
81.Comment on the calorie content of everyone's food.
82.Loudly announce that you're on a diet every time food appears.
83."Forget" to clean up after yourself in the break room.
84.Leave mysterious unlabeled containers in the fridge.
85.Put an empty cereal box back in the cupboard.
86.Leave just one sheet of paper towel on the roll.
87.Never buy anything for the communal area but always use everything.
88.Rinse but not wash your dishes — just leave them wet.
89.Stack dishes so precariously they fall every time someone opens the cabinet.
90.Leave the oven/toaster on after you're done.
91.Bring in a dish for a potluck that "serves 4" for 20 people.
92.Say you'll bring something to the potluck and then forget.
93.Reorganize the kitchen "to make it more efficient" without asking anyone.
94.Boil eggs and leave the smell lingering for hours.
95.Bring in a Instant Pot and cook an entire meal at your desk.
96.Always be on a very loud personal call while in the break room.
97.Stand directly in front of the microwave for 4 minutes heating one cup of water.
98.Set microwave for 2:22 instead of 2:00 "because it's easier to press."
99.Leave 10 seconds on the microwave timer. Every. Single. Time.
100.Never say "excuse me" when squeezing past someone in the kitchen.
101.Always eat the last of the communal snacks right before someone else gets there.
102.Bring food that triggers strong allergies without labeling it.
103.Ask "is that healthy?" to every single thing someone eats.
104.Loudly declare "I don't know how anyone eats that" about popular foods.
105.Bring in a smoothie and use the blender at full volume at 7:45 a.m.
106.Leave wet coffee grounds in the sink.
107.Consistently leave cabinet doors open.
108.Never refill the water filter pitcher.
109.Pour yourself the last of the filtered water and put the empty pitcher back.
110.Bring in a meal that takes 45 minutes to heat in multiple stages.
111.Eat in the break room and then take a 45-minute "break" just sitting there.
112.Monopolize the only microwave for 20 minutes at peak lunch hour.
113.Ask someone if they're "really going to eat all of that."
114.Offer diet advice completely unsolicited.
115.Reply-all to company-wide emails.
116.Reply-all to reply-all chains asking to be removed from the chain.
117.Send a one-word reply: "OK."
118.Mark every email as URGENT.
119.Follow up an email with a Slack message saying "did you see my email?"
120.Follow up that Slack message with a phone call.
121.CC everyone's manager on every email.
122.BCC people for no reason.
123.Send emails at 11:45 p.m. and follow up at 8 a.m. asking if you saw it.
124.Use "per my last email" passive-aggressively.
125.Write emails so long they require a table of contents.
126.Write emails with zero punctuation so they're impossible to parse.
127.Use Comic Sans for all work emails.
128.Use bright red font for everything.
129.Use a font size of 8 for your entire email.
130.Send calendar invites for meetings already happening in 2 minutes.
131.Decline calendar invites with no explanation.
132.Accept calendar invites and then not show up.
133.Send a meeting invitation with no agenda.
134.Send a meeting invitation titled "Quick chat" for a 90-minute block.
135.Start every email with "Hope this finds you well!" three times a day.
136.End every email with "Let me know if you have any questions!" and then ignore the questions.
137.Use at least 12 exclamation points per email.
138.Use zero punctuation in all messages.
139.Send individual Slack messages instead of one full message: "Hey", then a minute later "Are you busy?", then a minute later "I had a question."
140.Forward chain emails to the whole office.
141."Accidentally" cc the wrong person on sensitive emails.
142.Set your email signature to be 40 lines long with inspirational quotes.
143.Include a low-resolution photo of yourself in your email signature.
144.Add animated GIFs to your signature.
145.Send feedback in bullet points with sub-bullets 5 levels deep.
146.Write passive-aggressive emails and sign off with "Best."
147.Respond to simple yes/no questions with three paragraphs.
148.Send voice notes in Slack instead of typing.
149.Leave people on "seen" for hours, then respond with "k."
150.Mark urgent messages as read and respond days later.
151.Use acronyms no one knows and never explain them.
152.Create a group chat called "IMPORTANT" and use it for memes.
153.Add people to group chats without asking.
154.Pin every message in a Slack channel.
155.Change the channel topic to something irrelevant.
156.Send files with no context or explanation.
157.Name your files "final_FINAL_v3_REAL_final2.docx."
158.Share Google Docs with "view only" access when people need to edit.
159.Schedule recurring meetings for "alignment" with no actual agenda.
160.Send a Zoom link that requires a password you haven't shared.
161.Start every virtual meeting with "Can everyone hear me?" for 10 minutes.
162.Always join video calls 7 minutes late.
163.Always leave video calls 7 minutes early.
164.Send a "Happy Monday!" email to the whole company every week.
165.Respond to Slack messages with a thumbs up emoji and nothing else.
166.Use the 100 emoji in response to everything.
167.Overuse the "fire" emoji.
168.Set your Slack status to "In a meeting" 24/7.
169.Set your Slack status to "Focused — do not disturb" and then ping everyone.
170.Change your Slack display name weekly so no one knows who you are.
171.Use a photo of a celebrity as your profile picture.
172.Enable read receipts and leave everything on read.
173.Send urgent emails and then immediately go offline.
174.Start an email thread and then abandon it mid-conversation.
175.Respond to a 10-line email with "Sure."
176.Ask for "a quick call" for something that could be an email.
177.Use "as previously discussed" even when it was never discussed.
178.Forward your own emails to yourself and CC the whole team.
179.Reply to emails that were sent to you by accident and get deeply involved.
180.Always misspell the same person's name in every email.
181.Send emails with no subject line.
182.Use "PLEASE READ" as the subject for non-urgent emails.
183.Set automatic out-of-office replies for every single weekend.
184.Have an out-of-office reply that says you're on vacation but you're clearly online.
185.Respond to emails from 6 months ago as if they're current.
186."Reply all" to unsubscribe from a company mailing list.
187.Ask for feedback and then argue with every single piece of feedback.
188.Send 14 follow-up emails before anyone has had a chance to respond.
189.Write "see below" in response to complex questions with no actual answer below.
190.Use "let's take this offline" and then never follow up.
191.Start sentences in emails with "Actually…" constantly.
192.Use passive voice for everything to avoid accountability.
193.Send a calendar hold for a meeting you end up canceling 2 minutes before.
194.Add 12 people to a meeting that only requires 2 attendees.
195.Show up to every meeting 10 minutes late.
196.Leave every meeting 10 minutes early.
197.Ask "can you repeat that?" every 3 minutes.
198.Repeat everything the previous person said as your contribution.
199.Ask questions that have nothing to do with the meeting topic.
200.Answer your phone mid-meeting without leaving the room.
201.Type loudly on your laptop the entire meeting.
202.Eat a full crunchy meal during a meeting.
203.Ask "what's the goal of this meeting?" at the end of the meeting.
204.Raise concerns about a project in its last 5 minutes.
205.Say "this could have been an email" during every meeting.
206.Call a meeting about the volume of meetings.
207.Doodle obviously and make no attempt to hide it.
208.Fall asleep during a meeting and snore audibly.
209.Constantly interrupt people mid-sentence.
210.Repeat someone's idea back to the room as your own.
211.Bring in outside food and eat it very slowly and deliberately.
212.Ask everyone to wait while you find your notes for 10 minutes.
213.Start every sentence with "I'm not sure if this is relevant, but…" and then say something irrelevant.
214.Be the person who talks for 20 minutes when asked to give a "quick update."
215.Circle back to topics everyone agreed to table.
216.Suggest "taking this offline" and then organizing another full meeting about it.
217.Never have your camera on in video calls, but demand everyone else does.
218.Have your camera on but be clearly multitasking.
219.Set up a virtual background that's so distracting no one can focus.
220.Use a custom filter that gives you cat ears and "forget to turn it off."
221.Mute yourself and then speak for 30 seconds before realizing it.
222.Forget to unmute yourself every. single. time.
223.Echo your own audio until everyone's ears bleed.
224.Be in a noisy coffee shop for every video call.
225.Have your dog bark throughout every meeting.
226.Let your kids wander through the frame with no acknowledgment.
227.Be clearly driving during a video meeting.
228.Have terrible Wi-Fi and never attempt to fix it.
229.Freeze mid-sentence and then resume from a totally different topic.
230.Loudly shuffle papers when anyone else is talking.
231.Take extensive handwritten notes and make maximum noise doing so.
232.Recap the entire meeting at the end without prompting.
233.Ask the same question that was answered 20 minutes ago.
234.Derail every meeting by bringing up Q3 results from 2 years ago.
235.Bring a guest to a meeting no one knew about.
236.Introduce a complete stranger at the end of the meeting.
237.Request to "take a vote" on every single decision.
238.Challenge every decision after it's already been made.
239.Sigh loudly whenever the meeting goes off-topic — then immediately take it off-topic.
240.Ask "is this being recorded?" on every call.
241.Start a meeting by saying "I didn't really prepare anything, but…"
242.End a meeting 3 minutes over time every single time.
243.Schedule meetings to start at :15 or :45 instead of on the hour.
244.Book the conference room for a 30-minute meeting and stay for 2 hours.
245.Write on the whiteboard over someone else's work without erasing it.
246.Leave the conference room a mess every time.
247.Bring in a non-working marker and try every one before admitting defeat.
248.Use a laser pointer unnecessarily.
249.Click the laser pointer at people as a joke.
250.Present slides in size 8 font.
251.Present slides that are simply walls of text.
252.Read your slides word for word.
253.Go 40 slides over your allotted time.
254.End your presentation with a slide that just says "Questions?"
255.Say "I'll get to that" for every question and then never get to it.
256.Repeat "great question!" before every response.
257.Repeat "as I said…" after every follow-up question.
258.Be clearly offended by any pushback.
259.Write "TBD" on every action item assigned to yourself.
260.Volunteer others for action items without asking them.
261.Send the meeting recap with completely inaccurate notes.
262.Recap everyone's action items except your own.
263."Accidentally" CC someone's manager on meeting recap emails.
264.Send follow-up meeting invites immediately after the meeting ends.
265.Claim you never received the meeting invite even when you responded.
266.Book the same conference room twice.
267.Reserve a conference room and then work somewhere else.
268.Hold "standing meetings" but bring a chair for yourself only.
269.Start every meeting with a 5-minute ice breaker no one asked for.
270.Make the ice breaker go on for 35 minutes.
271.Insist everyone share "a fun fact" before every meeting.
272.Share the same "fun fact" every time.
273.Ask everyone how their weekend was at the start of Monday morning meetings.
274.Give a 10-minute answer when asked how your weekend was.
275.Use your speakerphone at your desk.
276.Never put your phone on silent.
277.Choose the loudest ringtone available.
278.Let your phone ring to voicemail every time.
279.Leave your computer's notification sounds at maximum volume.
280.Play music from your computer without headphones.
281.Use headphones and still hum along loudly.
282.Have your monitor brightness so high it lights up the whole room.
283.Face your monitor toward everyone else's desks.
284.Angle your monitor so everyone can see exactly what you're doing.
285.Put your stuff on your neighbor's desk "temporarily" and never move it.
286.Borrow someone's charger and never return it.
287.Use someone else's computer and leave all your tabs open.
288.Change the keyboard language on a shared computer.
289.Change the mouse pointer speed to maximum or minimum on shared computers.
290.Leave the printer out of paper and walk away.
291.Leave a paper jam without fixing it.
292.Print enormous quantities right at 5 p.m.
293.Print everything in color even when black-and-white would work.
294.Forget to pick up your prints for hours, clogging the printer queue.
295.Send a print job to the wrong printer and then insist it's the printer's fault.
296.Put the paper in upside-down.
297.Use the last of the toner and not replace it or tell anyone.
298.Remove the paper tray and not replace it.
299.Print out every email you receive.
300.Leave confidential documents on the printer.
301.Unplug other people's chargers to use the outlet yourself.
302.Take the last available outlet and use it for a non-essential item.
303.Run your extension cord across a heavily trafficked walkway.
304.Make a cable management disaster under a shared desk.
305.Install unnecessary software on shared computers.
306.Change the homepage on shared browsers.
307.Leave browser history on shared computers.
308.Log in to personal accounts on shared computers.
309.Rearrange someone's desktop icons.
310.Zoom in the display to 150% on someone's computer as a prank.
311.Turn someone's monitor upside down in settings.
312.Set someone's autocorrect to swap common words.
313.Change the screen timeout to 10 seconds on shared computers.
314.Set the screensaver to something distracting.
315.Put a piece of tape over someone's optical mouse.
316.Unplug someone's keyboard wire just slightly.
317.Change a coworker's keyboard shortcuts.
318.Swap the M and N keys on a keyboard.
319.Use someone's standing desk without asking.
320.Adjust a coworker's chair height and don't put it back.
321.Steal the good chair and pretend you don't know where it went.
322.Move someone's belonging slightly every day so they feel like they're going crazy.
323.Put sticky notes on the underside of someone's desk with "motivational quotes."
324.Put googly eyes on everything in the fridge.
325.Wrap everything on a coworker's desk in wrapping paper.
326.Fill someone's office with balloons.
327.Place a small motivational poster directly in someone's line of sight.
328.Slowly replace someone's family photos with photos of Nicolas Cage.
329.Set all the clocks in the office to slightly different times.
330.Adjust the thermostat by 2 degrees every hour.
331.Complain about the temperature constantly but never adjust the thermostat.
332.Open a window in winter and close it in summer.
333.Leave every light on when you leave.
334.Turn off every light when you leave, even if people are still working.
335.Leave all the blinds open so the afternoon sun shines directly on everyone's screens.
336.Close all the blinds permanently.
337.Take the last of the paper in the copier room without restocking.
338.Leave your standing desk at maximum height for the next user.
339.Aggressively bounce/tap your leg under a shared table.
340.Drum on your desk constantly.
341.Whistle to yourself all day.
342.Hum the same 3 bars of a song all day.
343.Tap your pen on your desk nonstop.
344.Click your pen open and closed rhythmically.
345.Creak back in your chair repeatedly.
346.Spin in your chair constantly.
347.Use a mechanical keyboard as loudly as possible.
348.Type so hard your desk shakes.
349.Constantly crack your knuckles.
350.Sneeze at full volume with no attempt to muffle it.
351.Sneeze without covering your mouth.
352.Cough loudly all day and assure everyone you're "not sick."
353.Sniffle every 30 seconds instead of using a tissue.
354.Use a tissue and leave it on a shared surface.
355.Interrupt everyone constantly.
356.Finish other people's sentences incorrectly.
357.Talk exclusively about yourself.
358.Bring every conversation back to your own experience.
359.Start every sentence with "well, actually…"
360.Correct people's grammar in the middle of their point.
361.Correct people's grammar in writing without adding anything useful.
362.Loudly state your controversial opinions unprompted.
363.Argue about politics at work constantly.
364.Be a "devil's advocate" about everything.
365.Say "I'm just playing devil's advocate" after every offensive take.
366.Begin every statement with "No offense, but…"
367.Begin every statement with "I don't mean to be rude, but…" and then be very rude.
368.Ask deeply personal questions immediately.
369.Ask someone if they're pregnant.
370.Comment on how tired someone looks every morning.
371.Compliment someone in a way that's also an insult.
372.Say "you look different" every time someone changes their hair.
373.Loudly narrate everything you're doing at your desk.
374.Talk to yourself constantly.
375.Laugh at your own jokes before you finish them.
376.Explain your jokes after telling them.
377.Tell the same story every week as if it's new.
378.Drop in references from TV shows and be offended when no one gets them.
379.Use slang that only you use and get upset when no one understands it.
380.Use corporate jargon to an absurd degree.
381.Replace normal words with buzzwords in every sentence.
382.Say "circle back" in every conversation.
383.Say "ping me" for every request.
384.Say "let's put a pin in it" and then never revisit it.
385.Say "at the end of the day" to begin every statement.
386.Say "it is what it is" after every problem is presented.
387.Say "we'll cross that bridge when we come to it" in response to every concern.
388.Give advice that contradicts the advice you gave yesterday.
389.Tell people how busy you are every time you see them.
390.One-up every story with a worse one.
391.One-up every achievement with a better one.
392.Respond to bad news with your own worse bad news.
393.Respond to good news with doubt: "we'll see."
394.Be relentlessly negative about everything.
395.Be aggressively positive in a way that feels threatening.
396.Use sarcasm so dry no one knows if you're serious.
397.Always look over someone's shoulder while they work.
398.Read people's screens out loud as you walk past.
399.Comment on someone's screen without being asked.
400.Give unsolicited feedback on everything.
401.Ask "did you actually read this?" about every document.
402.Ask "are you sure about that?" about every statement.
403.Question every decision with "but why, though?"
404.Endlessly requestion things that are already settled.
405.Bring up things that happened 4 years ago in current discussions.
406.Insist your way is the right way about everything.
407.Refuse to acknowledge being wrong — ever.
408.Say "I knew that was going to happen" after every setback.
409.Say "I told you so" literally every time something goes wrong.
410.Be extremely loud when you're happy.
411.Be extremely loud when you're frustrated.
412.Slam things down when you're frustrated.
413.Sulk obviously and loudly deny anything is wrong.
414.Make passive-aggressive comments and then say you were just kidding.
415.Leave passive-aggressive sticky notes with smiley faces.
416.Smile while saying something genuinely terrible.
417.Give backhanded compliments exclusively.
418.Apologize insincerely for everything: "Sorry you feel that way."
419.Always apologize while also explaining why you're not really at fault.
420.Never apologize, ever, for anything.
421.Take credit for group work in front of leadership.
422.Mention your own name in the third person.
423.Refer to yourself as "we" when it was only you.
424.Name-drop senior leadership unnecessarily.
425.Casually mention you had lunch with the CEO.
426.Immediately rank everyone's importance in the company.
427.Treat people from other departments as obstacles.
428.Make every inter-department interaction feel like diplomacy.
429.Bring your personal drama to work and share it constantly.
430.Provide real-time updates on your personal life throughout the day.
431.Ask detailed questions about other people's personal lives.
432.Gossip about absolutely everyone.
433.Repeat confidential information as general knowledge.
434.Say "don't tell anyone I said this" and then tell everyone.
435.Be 5–10 minutes late to absolutely everything.
436.Block off your entire calendar so no one can book you.
437.Leave your calendar blank so people assume you're always free and book you constantly.
438.Accept every meeting request and then ignore them all.
439.Decline meetings with no notice and no explanation.
440.Cancel recurring meetings the day of, every time.
441.Reschedule things the same day repeatedly.
442.Move a meeting three times and then send the wrong link.
443.Schedule meetings over lunch — every day.
444.Schedule meetings at 4:55 p.m. on Fridays.
445.Schedule early morning meetings at 7:30 a.m.
446.Let meetings run 20 minutes over consistently.
447.Take a long time doing nothing visibly productive, then rush everything right before the deadline.
448.Ask for deadline extensions for every deliverable.
449.Ask for deadline extensions and then still miss them.
450.Deliver things at 11:59 p.m. every time.
451.Submit incomplete work on time and say the rest is "coming soon."
452.Take 3 days to respond to messages that needed a same-day answer.
453.Respond to a same-day question at 11:30 p.m.
454.Be unavailable every time there's a crisis.
455.Be maximally available when nothing is happening.
456.Take 17 smoke breaks a day.
457.Take a 90-minute lunch when you're supposed to take 30 minutes.
458.Come back from lunch smelling strongly of something and say nothing.
459.Take a personal call at your desk for 45 minutes in the middle of work hours.
460.Leave at 3 p.m. and tell everyone you "have a thing."
461.Work from a coffee shop and send your location to everyone.
462.Announce your exact location every time you leave your desk.
463.Ask "where are you going?" every time someone stands up.
464.Time how long someone takes on a bathroom break and comment on it.
465.Set 14 alarms on your phone each morning.
466.Let those alarms go off without silencing them.
467.Show up to work at a different time every day.
468.Leave the office loudly every afternoon so everyone knows you're leaving.
469.Never actually fully leave — keep coming back for things.
470.Take Monday off every single week.
471.Take Friday off every single week.
472.Take every possible half-day.
473.Work on vacation and send emails all day.
474.Be out of office but answer every email within 5 minutes.
475.Set an OOO and return from vacation but leave the OOO reply on for 2 weeks.
476.Have an OOO that says you're "reachable for urgent matters" for a leisure trip.
477.Book a vacation during the company's busiest period every year.
478.Take your vacation right when a major project launches.
479.Return from vacation and act like you have no idea what happened while you were gone.
480.Return from vacation and immediately book another one.
481.Block off "focus time" on your calendar and then spend it on personal errands.
482.Label your 2-hour personal errand as "strategic planning" on your calendar.
483.Schedule every meeting as recurring even for one-time topics.
484.Keep a recurring meeting on the calendar long after it's served its purpose.
485.Add "urgent" to every calendar invite title.
486.Send a "just following up!" message 30 minutes after your original message.
487.Ask for status updates on things you submitted 10 minutes ago.
488.Ask "did you get a chance to…?" five times in one day.
489.Say "whenever you get a chance" and then ask again in an hour.
490.Put "ASAP" on everything, even non-urgent requests.
491.Mark everything due "EOD" — including requests sent at 4:45 p.m.
492.Define "EOD" as midnight.
493.Set internal deadlines a week before the actual deadline and not tell anyone.
494.Create a sense of urgency over something that isn't urgent.
495.Consistently estimate tasks as taking way less time than they actually take.
496.Blow past every self-imposed deadline.
497.Ask how long something will take every 20 minutes.
498.Give no timeline for your own deliverables.
499.Send status updates no one asked for in real time.
500.Send no status updates even when urgently requested.
501.Push a meeting 5 minutes before it starts.
502."Forget" about a meeting and need 10 minutes to get ready.
503.Show up to a meeting and then say you have to leave in 5 minutes.
504.Insist a 2-minute task needs "time to do it properly" and delay for a week.
505.Leave your belongings all over common areas.
506.Let your desk pile up until papers fall into your neighbor's space.
507.Leave wet umbrellas dripping everywhere.
508.Hang your wet coat over someone else's chair.
509.Leave gym clothes at your desk.
510.Leave gym shoes at your desk.
511.Leave your used gym bag open at your desk.
512.Not shower after the gym before returning to the office.
513.Apply strong perfume/cologne at your desk.
514.Apply perfume/cologne directly in front of the ventilation system.
515.Use air freshener when someone is clearly allergic.
516.Leave your personal items on the shared printer/copier.
517.Leave your empty coffee cup on a shared surface for days.
518.Leave multiple empty cups stacked on your desk in a tower.
519.Leave old food wrappers at your desk until they form a mound.
520.Use a coworker's pen and not return it.
521.Take someone's last pen.
522."Borrow" office supplies and never return them.
523.Use someone's stapler and leave it completely out of staples.
524.Borrow scissors and return them to a different drawer.
525.Completely reorganize the supply closet and tell no one.
526.Never refill the supply cabinet with paper.
527.Use the last of any supply and not put it on the order list.
528.Order too much of something unnecessary and not enough of essentials.
529.Leave confidential papers on your desk face-up for everyone to read.
530.Leave sticky notes everywhere — on monitors, on walls, on chairs.
531.Leave extremely personal sticky notes on your monitor.
532.Write extremely cryptic sticky notes and leave them on shared surfaces.
533.Tape things to walls and leave marks when you remove them.
534.Let your plants die and leave them rotting at your desk.
535.Have a very loud desktop fan blowing directly at neighbors.
536.Use a space heater that makes the entire floor hot.
537.Complain about the temperature constantly but control all the temperature devices.
538.Leave the bathroom door wide open.
539.Leave lights on in every room you enter.
540.Turn off lights in rooms where people are still working.
541.Spray cleaning products near people without asking.
542.Vacuum near someone's desk during their work hours.
543.Move someone else's personal items without asking.
544."Organize" someone else's desk without asking.
545.Take up two parking spaces.
546.Park in an unmarked "reserved" area that everyone knows is reserved.
547.Park in the accessible space and run "just for a minute."
548.Leave your car blocking others in the parking lot.
549.Leave your shopping cart in the parking lot (for those with shared lots).
550.Smoke right outside the entrance.
551.Leave cigarette butts at the door.
552.Prop open a secured door and never mention it.
553.Let doors slam behind you instead of holding them.
554.Pretend you didn't see someone carrying something heavy approaching a door.
555.Walk through a door held open for you without any acknowledgment.
556.Stop right in the middle of a doorway to finish a thought.
557.Have a loud conversation right in the middle of a busy walkway.
558.Stop walking without warning in a crowded corridor.
559.Walk in a group spread across the entire hallway so no one can pass.
560.Walk extremely slowly when someone is clearly trying to get past you.
561.Take the elevator for one floor constantly.
562.Hold the elevator door for someone who is extremely far away.
563.Press all the elevator buttons "by accident."
564.Stand directly in front of the elevator doors so no one can get out.
565.Get in the elevator and stand directly next to the only other person in it.
566.Talk in the elevator every morning regardless of whether anyone responds.
567.Eat in the elevator.
568.Have a loud personal call in the elevator.
569.Talk loudly on the phone in a quiet zone.
570.Eat at a "no food" area with a strong-smelling lunch.
571.Bring a group of people to a quiet zone.
572.Rearrange the furniture in a shared space and never return it.
573.Move the single accessible chair in a space and not return it.
574.Leave shared furniture broken and tell no one.
575.Claim you "work best under pressure" — and create pressure for everyone else.
576.Dump work on others without warning.
577.Reassign your work to others with a "can you help me with this real quick?"
578.Quietly add tasks to your coworkers' plates without telling your manager.
579.Volunteer your team for extra work without consulting them.
580.Accept a project you have no ability to deliver.
581.Consistently overpromise and underdeliver.
582.Consistently underestimate complexity to get projects approved.
583.Change your mind about requirements after work has already started.
584.Provide feedback that contradicts your earlier feedback.
585.Demand changes with no rationale.
586.Refuse to explain your reasoning for any decision.
587.Make decisions and then deny you made them.
588.Change things in a shared document without tracking your changes.
589.Deny changing something when you clearly did.
590.Reverse a decision without telling the team.
591.Say "that's not my job" for everything slightly outside your core duties.
592.Do things outside your job description and complain about scope creep.
593.Take on more than you can handle and let things fall through the cracks.
594.Act helpless about things you are fully capable of doing.
595.Ask someone to help you with something you could Google in 30 seconds.
596.Ask a question and then not pay attention to the answer.
597.Ask the same question multiple times across different people.
598.Ask a question via Slack, and then come to ask in person while the person is still typing the reply.
599.Leave every shared project in a state no one else can pick up.
600.Document nothing.
601.Over-document trivial things while leaving critical things undocumented.
602.Make the documentation so complicated no one can use it.
603.Write documentation only you understand.
604.Update documentation without notifying anyone.
605.Delete documentation without notifying anyone.
606.Share a file and then immediately move it to a different location.
607.Store files in a place no one could ever find.
608.Create so many folders that navigation becomes impossible.
609.Create folders called "New Folder," "New Folder (2)," "New Folder Final."
610.Send someone a file and then revise it without telling them.
611.Insist on doing things "the old way" when a better system is in place.
612.Refuse to learn new tools.
613.Implement a new tool no one asked for or needed.
614.Force the whole team to adopt a process only you like.
615.Hold "brainstorming sessions" where only your ideas are considered.
616.Dismiss others' ideas immediately.
617.Build on someone else's idea and take full credit for it.
618.Not give credit where it's obviously due.
619.Take sole credit for team projects in reports to leadership.
620.Throw teammates under the bus in meetings with senior leadership.
621.Blame others when projects fail.
622.Accept compliments for group work without acknowledging the team.
623.Present someone else's work as a "collaborative effort" only when it fails.
624.Exaggerate your role in successful projects.
625.Completely minimize your role when projects fail.
626.Never admit fault or mistakes.
627.Admit fault loudly but only to get sympathy and attention.
628.Publicly apologize but then repeat the same behavior.
629.Tell people you'll do something and never do it.
630.Casually make commitments on behalf of others.
631.Change meeting times 30 minutes before without asking.
632.Skip your turn at shared responsibilities.
633.Volunteer for the fun tasks; disappear for the hard ones.
634.Show up only during the good parts of a project.
635.Arrive late to every project and immediately start offering opinions.
636.Leave early from every project and still claim equal contribution.
637.Be the person who "doesn't do drama" — but generates it constantly.
638.Weaponize "I'm just being honest" to say rude things.
639.Say you "value transparency" and then share information selectively.
640.Say you "like direct feedback" and then take all feedback personally.
641.Tell people you're "not a micromanager" and then micromanage everything.
642.Give extremely vague instructions and then criticize the result.
643.Provide conflicting instructions and then say you clearly said something else.
644.Say "you should have asked" when the instructions were unclear.
645.Change the scope of a project mid-way and act surprised at the delay.
646.Insist on "quality" but provide no additional time or resources.
647.Say "we'll figure it out" to every planning challenge.
648.Shut down concerns with "let's stay positive."
649.Respond to problems with "just make it work."
650.Say "failure is not an option" when failure is very much an option.
651.Say "done is better than perfect" for your own work; demand perfect for others'.
652.Add "strategic thinking" to everything that doesn't need it.
653.Call everything "a great opportunity" even disasters.
654.Refer to layoffs as "right-sizing" with zero irony.
655.Hum loudly and tunelessly all day.
656.Whistle the same 4 bars of a song on repeat.
657.Tap rhythmically on every surface near you.
658.Bounce your leg so hard the floor vibrates.
659.Crack your knuckles every 5 minutes.
660.Crack your neck loudly.
661.Crack your back and groan about it.
662.Sigh loudly every 10 minutes.
663.Groan theatrically whenever you stand up or sit down.
664.Narrate your frustrations out loud under your breath — but not quite under your breath.
665.Have full conversations with yourself at your desk.
666.Laugh loudly and suddenly at your screen for no apparent reason.
667.Read your own emails out loud.
668.Talk on the phone on speaker at your desk.
669.Have every phone call on speaker from your desk.
670.Never silence your phone, ever.
671.Use the loudest possible keyboard backspace/delete combo.
672.Eat apples/carrots/celery right next to people in meetings.
673.Chew ice constantly.
674.Crinkle paper extremely slowly and loudly.
675.Snore during a meeting and deny it.
676.Breathe audibly and heavily when concentrating.
677.Sniff very noticeably every 30 seconds.
678.Clear your throat constantly.
679.Cough without covering your mouth.
680.Read things over people's shoulders uninvited.
681.Peer at someone's monitor from your seat.
682.Lean over to look at someone's screen without asking.
683.Make a comment about what someone is working on unsolicited.
684.Always ask someone what they're laughing at.
685.Always ask who someone is talking to on the phone.
686.Stop by a coworker's desk without a clear reason and just linger.
687.Ask "what are you doing?" when someone is clearly busy.
688.Keep asking if you "caught them at a bad time" after clearly catching them at a bad time.
689.Stand too close when talking.
690.Touch people's shoulders when talking to them.
691.Grab people's arms when making a point.
692.Refuse to acknowledge that headphones mean "don't disturb me."
693.Tap someone on the shoulder while they have headphones in.
694.Talk to someone while they have headphones in and act surprised they can't hear you.
695.Pull one earbud out of someone's ear to get their attention.
696.Walk up behind someone silently and scare them.
697.Say "boo" right behind someone engrossed in work.
698.Hover directly behind someone while they work.
699.Look over someone's shoulder while they type a password.
700.Read someone's texts as they come in on their phone.
701.Comment on someone's social media activity at work.
702.Ask why someone didn't accept your LinkedIn connection.
703.Follow up on an unanswered LinkedIn message in person.
704.Constantly reference something someone posted publicly as if it were private.
705.Print memes and put them on the fridge.
706.Print inspirational quotes and put them on the walls.
707.Put stickers all over shared office equipment.
708.Personalize a shared space as if it's only yours.
709.Rearrange the communal space to suit only your preferences.
710.Take the good chair from a shared area and bring it to your desk.
711.Borrow items "temporarily" and add them to your permanent desk collection.
712.Never return borrowed items unless asked 14 times.
713.Return items in worse condition than you borrowed them.
714.Return items slightly broken and claim they were like that.
715.Return a borrowed book with the spine cracked and pages folded.
716.Return someone's lunch container filthy.
717.Return someone's charger frayed.
718.Return borrowed items with some component missing.
719.Deny borrowing things that you clearly borrowed.
720.Ask someone if they're "done with" something they're actively using.
721.Hover until someone gives you something they're still using.
722.Rush someone on any task they're doing that you also want to do.
723.Use a shared resource for a personal project without asking.
724.Occupy a conference room alone for personal calls.
725.Book a conference room for "focus time" and just sit there reading.
726.Use a quiet phone booth as a lunch room.
727.Use a meditation room as a nap room.
728.Occupy shared phone booths indefinitely.
729.Leave strong cologne residue in phone booths.
730.Leave a mess in the phone booths.
731.Leave personal items in the phone booths to "claim" them.
732.Leave very loud voicemail messages with the speaker on in shared spaces.
733.Conduct every personal call on full speaker in public areas.
734.Tell coworkers about your dreams every single morning in detail.
735.CC your manager on every minor complaint.
736.Escalate minor issues to senior leadership immediately.
737.Go above someone's head on a first offense.
738.Threaten to "escalate" casually in every disagreement.
739.Name-drop leadership in every conversation to win arguments.
740.Constantly say you "have a direct line to" [senior person].
741.Imply you're on a first-name basis with the CEO to win minor disputes.
742.Talk about your previous company as if it was perfect in every way.
743.Talk about your previous company constantly.
744.Tell everyone how things were done at your previous employer.
745.Suggest your current company should work more like a competitor.
746.Say "when I worked at [Big Company]…" to begin every observation.
747.Be relentlessly impressive-sounding and exhausting about your background.
748.Mention your degree every time your expertise is questioned.
749.Mention your MBA in contexts where it's completely irrelevant.
750.Use LinkedIn as a personal diary and share every post in the company chat.
751.Announce every personal achievement on the company Slack.
752.Announce minor wins like completed to-do lists as if you saved the company.
753.Post "just landed a massive deal!" with no details and wait for the reactions.
754.Like your own posts immediately after sending them.
755.React to every Slack message with a custom emoji you created of your own face.
756.Have more than 5 custom Slack emoji of yourself available.
757.Set a notification sound that plays a 10-second clip every time you get a Slack message.
758.Set your Slack theme to extremely high-contrast neon colors and share it with the team.
759.Create a Slack channel for your pet and aggressively invite everyone.
760.Post about your pet 12 times per day in the work general chat.
761.Share extreme amounts of personal content in work chat.
762.Use the work email list to share non-work content consistently.
763.Forward chain emails to the whole office with "FYI."
764.Send "good morning!" emails to the whole company every Monday.
765.Reply to company-wide announcements with thoughts no one asked for.
766.Reply to all-staff emails with a personal anecdote.
767.Reply-all to a 500-person list to say "thanks!"
768.Send "unsubscribe" reply-alls to company mailing lists.
769.Sign up for newsletters using the company email and receive them at work.
770.Subscribe to every optional newsletter and mailing list using your work email.
771.Forward work emails to personal accounts and mention it casually.
772.Print out emails and bring them to meetings.
773.Print the same 10 pages multiple times a day.
774.Leave 47 documents open in Google Drive "just in case."
775.Have so many browser tabs open your computer slows to a crawl.
776.Open a new tab for every website you visit and never close any.
777.Have so many open documents that they lag a shared computer.
778.Leave every shared doc in "suggesting" mode permanently.
779.Accept all suggested changes without reviewing them.
780.Reject all suggested changes without explanation.
781.Leave comments in shared docs that say only "?"
782.Leave comments in shared docs that say "see below" with nothing below.
783.Leave comments in shared docs that start arguments and then go quiet.
784.Leave passive-aggressive comments and "resolve" the thread yourself before anyone sees it.
785.Make changes in shared docs and then blame the auto-save feature.
786.Delete someone's section "by accident."
787.Accidentally share the wrong document with an important client.
788.Send a draft version of something by mistake and call it "intentional."
789.Open a document someone else is working on and start editing mid-thought.
790.Add yourself to projects mid-delivery without context.
791.Remove yourself from projects at critical moments without notice.
792.Transfer ownership of something without explanation.
793.Archive shared files without notifying the team.
794.Delete shared files and then say you didn't know others were using them.
795.Create duplicate versions of shared files.
796.Work in the wrong version of a document.
797.Send the wrong version to a client.
798.Say you'll fix something and then just add a comment saying "fix this."
799.Assign yourself as "reviewer" on everything so you get notified of all activity.
800.Tag yourself in meeting notes as "responsible" for decisions you didn't make.
801.Remove someone from a meeting recap who was clearly there.
802.Rewrite the recap to reflect outcomes that weren't actually agreed to.
803.Send a meeting recap with all action items assigned to others.
804.Assign action items without discussing them with the people being assigned.
805.Assign every action item to "the team" with no named owner.
806.Ask for updates on action items from a meeting that never happened.
807.Write vague action items that could mean anything.
808.Write overly specific action items that are impossible to measure.
809.Set every project status to "on track" regardless of reality.
810.Set every project status to "at risk" to seem like a realist.
811.Give wildly inaccurate timeline estimates without acknowledging the inaccuracy.
812.Downplay risks until they become crises.
813.Overstate risks until everything feels like an emergency.
814.Escalate a non-issue to full DEFCON status.
815.Call an "all-hands" for something that was already handled.
816.Schedule an urgent all-team call to announce something that was in an email.
817.Use "team morale" as justification for anything you want to do.
818.Plan a team event no one asked for.
819.Plan a team event during off-hours.
820.Plan a team event that's very physically intensive without checking for limitations.
821.Make participation in team events feel mandatory.
822.Make people feel bad for not attending optional activities.
823.Plan a team event and then cancel it with 30 minutes' notice.
824.Make team events about your hobbies specifically.
825.Make team bonding revolve around alcohol when some teammates don't drink.
826.Plan expensive outings with no regard for budget differences.
827.Speak for the entire team without consulting anyone.
828.Make commitments on behalf of the team to leadership without asking.
829.Accept additional scope for the team without discussing it first.
830.Announce team decisions before they're final.
831.Announce team achievements to leadership and forget to mention the team.
832.Undermine team decisions in public while agreeing in private.
833.Agree with everything and then do the opposite.
834.Smile and nod during feedback and then disregard it entirely.
835.Use an alarm clock app that plays a rooster crow.
836.Set your desktop notification sound to a foghorn.
837.Use a countdown timer on your desk that beeps loudly.
838.Narrate your Pomodoro timer out loud.
839.Leave motivational posters directly in people's eyeline.
840.Say "challenge accepted!" to every task.
841.Do everything with forced enthusiasm.
842.Respond to every problem with "let's make this a learning opportunity!"
843.Over-celebrate small wins with confetti in Slack.
844.Send GIFs of applause after every team achievement.
845.Send a GIF after every message, without exception.
846.Communicate exclusively through memes.
847.Reply to every message with a reaction emoji and nothing else.
848.Use the "thumbs down" emoji to respond to things without context.
849.Post a "thinking" emoji to a proposal and never explain.
850.React to every message with "eyes" emoji for no apparent reason.
851.Delete your messages after sending them, confusing everyone.
852.Edit your messages constantly after sending them.
853.Send a message and then immediately say "ignore that" without explanation.
854.Leave every sentence as a cliffhanger and make people ask follow-up questions.
855.Always say "I'll send you a link" and never send the link.
856.Send someone a link without context or description.
857.Send an article with "thoughts?" and no other message.
858.Send a long article and just write "same" as the context.
859.Start an email with "quick question" and then ask seven questions.
860.Say you'll follow up "in a few days" and send 14 follow-ups in 24 hours.
861.Follow up on a request by calling — when messaging is the norm.
862.Show up at someone's desk to ask why they haven't replied to your Slack.
863.Knock on someone's office door while they're on a visible video call.
864.Ignore the "on a call" light and interrupt anyway.
865.Walk into a closed office without knocking.
866.Open someone's drawer looking for supplies without asking.
867.Use someone's standing desk adjustment with no warning.
868.Use someone's keyboard while they're in the middle of typing.
869.Move someone's mouse mid-task.
870.Hover over someone's shoulder while they type their password.
871.Try to speed-read someone's personal texts.
872.Monologue about your weekend starting Monday at exactly 9 a.m.
873.Ask everyone "how was your weekend?" and then not listen to any answers.
874.Provide an unsolicited 45-minute recap of your weekend.
875.Document your vacation in real-time on the work Slack.
876.Share live location updates during your commute in work chat.
877.Announce you're going to the bathroom every time you leave your desk.
878.Give detailed real-time updates on your minor illnesses.
879.Describe your symptoms to anyone who will listen when you're "just a little under the weather."
880.Come to work visibly sick and loudly reassure everyone you're "totally fine."
881.Announce your step count every day at lunch.
882.Share your Fitbit stats with the whole team daily.
883.Start a step challenge no one asked for.
884.Win the step challenge and never let anyone forget it.
885.Challenge people to competitions they didn't agree to.
886.Be aggressively competitive about trivial office games.
887.Cheat at office games and argue about it.
888.Take office games far too seriously.
889.Bring your own cards/board game to work and insist on playing at lunch.
890.Critique everyone else's fantasy sports picks without being asked.
891.Talk about your fantasy sports team as if it's real.
892.Narrate the game from your phone during work hours without headphones.
893.Watch sports highlights loudly at your desk.
894.Watch videos without headphones at 7% volume — still audible.
895.Watch videos at 7% volume and turn on captions but keep the sound on.
896.Play mobile games with the sound on at your desk.
897.Let your phone make every possible notification sound — including mail, likes, messages, and app sounds.
898.Have your Apple Watch tap you so loudly it's audible.
899.Check your phone every 45 seconds and sigh.
900.Sigh at your phone and then show people what you're sighing about without being asked.
901.Read out loud from your phone when nothing needs to be read out loud.
902.Share TikToks without headphones in shared spaces.
903.Play YouTube videos at a low volume so only you can hear them.
904.Leave your desk with music playing from your computer speakers.
905.Come back from lunch to claim a different seat than you had before.
906.Claim "your spot" in a hot-desking environment aggressively.
907.Decorate a hot desk as if you own it permanently.
908.Leave personal items at a hot desk to hold it between days.
909.Arrive early specifically to claim the best hot desk every morning.
910.Use two standing desks at once.
911.Book every available conference room "just in case" and use none of them.
912.Leave all your stuff in a conference room for 4 hours after your meeting.
913.Use the nice client-facing conference room for a solo video call.
914.Occupy the only private call booth for casual phone chats.
915.Make extremely loud, personal calls in the designated quiet zone.
916.Walk past the quiet zone while talking on the phone at full volume.
917.Disregard any and all "quiet hours" signage.
918.Have loud conversations in the library section of the office.
919.Play guitar or musical instrument in the office "just to decompress."
920.Leave a guitar in the office and play it unexpectedly.
921.Bring a ukulele to work and claim it "helps you focus."
922.Practice whistling in the stairwell.
923.Do loud breathing exercises or yoga in shared spaces.
924.Practice "stress relief" techniques audibly at your desk.
925.Listen to ASMR with headphones but react audibly.
926.Watch reaction videos and react loudly along with the person.
927.Play a podcast loudly enough that it's audible but too low to understand.
928.Leave voice messages instead of typing — always.
929.Record video voicemails of your face for everything.
930.Hold video calls in the open office with no headphones.
931.Use the speakerphone on a video call in the open plan office.
932.Have a heated argument on the phone and then say "just a work call, no big deal."
933.Take personal calls on speakerphone and talk about deeply private things.
934.Reference overheard personal calls later in conversation.
935.Eavesdrop obviously and make no attempt to disguise it.
936.Eavesdrop and offer opinions on conversations you weren't part of.
937.Join a conversation that has clearly been concluded.
938.Return to a topic that was dropped an hour ago as if no time has passed.
939.Interrupt yourself mid-sentence to check your phone.
940.Check your phone during every conversation and never explain why.
941.Hold up a finger to pause mid-conversation and then forget to return to it.
942.End conversations abruptly and then immediately start a new one.
943.End a conversation, walk away, come back, and repeat the same point.
944.Give someone a task and then redo it yourself and say "I was in the area."
945.Over-explain simple tasks to capable people.
946.Ask people to report back on tasks that don't need reporting.
947.Create a tracking spreadsheet for tasks that take less than 5 minutes.
948.Require sign-off on incredibly minor decisions.
949.Add bureaucratic steps to every process that had none.
950.Make simple processes 14 steps long.
951.Create a task management system that's more work than the tasks.
952.Require extensive documentation for things that require no documentation.
953.Use a project management tool as a personal to-do list.
954.Make the shared project tracker unusable by using it incorrectly.
955.Create subtasks for every minor item in the task management software.
956.Add every task to Jira — including "get coffee."
957.Have a ticket system and also insist on verbal updates.
958.Request updates via email AND Slack AND in person for the same thing.
959.Copy your manager on every update even when unnecessary.
960.Send your manager a Friday afternoon summary of everything everyone did that week.
961."Accidentally" send personal Slack messages to work channels.
962.Send a message you clearly meant for your personal life to the whole company channel.
963.Post a very personal photo to the company social media.
964.Like a deeply awkward comment on the company's LinkedIn page.
965.Comment on the company's public posts from a personal account with internal info.
966.Discuss sensitive company information at full volume in public places.
967.Take a business call in a coffee shop and share confidential details loudly.
968.Leave sensitive documents visible on your screen in a coffee shop.
969.Work from a coffee shop and be absolutely certain to tell everyone about it.
970.Host a client call from a very noisy café and never acknowledge the noise.
971.Have major technical issues every single video call without ever trying to fix them.
972.Use a broken headset for every call and refuse to replace it.
973.Use Bluetooth headphones that constantly disconnect.
974.Use headphones with a damaged mic that makes you sound like you're underwater.
975.Use a laptop mic that sounds like you're reporting from a hurricane.
976.Conduct every video call without checking your lighting first.
977.Have a strong backlight so your face is in complete shadow for every call.
978.Use a virtual background that constantly glitches and makes your head disappear.
979.Forget to update your software and trigger a forced restart during a key presentation.
980.Present from a computer with 4% battery and no charger.
981.Present from a computer running 47 applications.
982.Use a computer so full of files it takes 10 minutes to open anything.
983.Share your screen and have extremely personal folders visible on your desktop.
984.Share your screen and not notice you have personal notifications coming through.
985.Share your screen and have your email notifications pop up with personal content.
986.Share your screen and accidentally stream a personal video.
987.Start a screen share session and spend 5 minutes "just finding the file."
988.Share the wrong screen during a presentation.
989.Advance slides too fast and then go back too far, over and over.
990.Present with animations on every element of every slide.
991.Use slide transitions that involve spinning, flipping, and zooming.
992.Have a 4-minute intro video on slide 1 of your presentation.
993.Start every presentation with a long "let me give you some context."
994.Start every meeting by asking if everyone can see your screen — after 5 minutes.
995.Begin presentations with, "I know you can't read this, but…"
996.Laser-point at things on your own screen and not on the shared view.
997.Stand directly in front of the projector screen at least 3 times.
998.Block the only visible data on a chart while presenting it.
999.Use a pointer and randomly sweep it around the slide without direction.
1000.Deliver a 60-slide presentation in a 20-minute slot.
1001.Hit "ESC" to exit presentation mode mid-presentation.
1002.Hit "present from current slide" and skip the first 12 slides.
1003.Forget to advance slides and speak to a blank screen for 3 minutes.
1004.Show slide notes to the audience instead of the presentation.
1005.Accidentally share your notes doc instead of the presentation.
1006.Present a presentation clearly designed for a different audience.
1007.Use a template that doesn't match the brand at all.
1008.Submit a report with your personal watermark from a free template site.
1009.Submit deliverables in a format no one can open.
1010.Send huge file attachments instead of a simple link.
1011.Send a Google Drive link that requires sign-in without sharing access.
1012.Send a "copy of a copy of a copy" PDF that's completely unreadable.
1013.Send an image of a screenshot of a document instead of the document.
1014.Screenshot a spreadsheet and send it instead of the spreadsheet.
1015.Print a digital file, scan it, and send back the scanned version.
1016.Return a digital form as a printed, photographed, re-scanned PDF.
1017.Submit handwritten responses to digital forms.
1018.Submit data in a format that requires hours of manual cleanup.
1019.Submit deliverables in 17 separate email attachments.
1020.Submit the wrong version of a deliverable right on deadline.
1021.Submit work and ask for feedback in the same message.
1022.Submit work with errors and say "it's just a rough draft" after submission.
1023.Submit work and say "I was going to clean it up more, but…" every time.
1024.Ask for an extension and then resubmit exactly what was due originally.
1025.Ignore all feedback and resubmit identical work.
1026.Address some feedback and leave the rest "for next time."
1027.Say "noted" to feedback and then do nothing with it.
1028.Argue with every piece of feedback until the reviewer gives up.
1029.Ask for feedback, receive feedback, ignore it, and ask for feedback again.
1030.Be in a constant state of "almost done" for weeks.
1031.Say "I'll have this to you by EOD" — for 14 consecutive days.
1032.Finally deliver the completed work and immediately ask "so, what's next?"
1033.Receive praise for a project and immediately pivot to "what about my raise?"
1034.Forward this entire list to your team with the message: "Guilty of any of these?"
1035.Use the word "paradigm" in every sentence.
1036.Say "it's actually more nuanced than that" about everything.
1037.Describe basic concepts using unnecessarily complex vocabulary.
1038.Use Latin phrases in casual conversation and don't translate them.
1039.Reference obscure philosophers to win minor workplace arguments.
1040.Quote Sun Tzu's "The Art of War" in project planning meetings.
1041.Quote Machiavelli during performance reviews.
1042.Bring up Nietzsche during onboarding discussions.
1043.Cite Wikipedia as an authoritative source in formal reports.
1044.Cite yourself in reports.
1045.Cite reports you haven't actually read.
1046.Dismiss peer-reviewed data with "well, in my experience…"
1047.Counter facts with anecdotes every single time.
1048.Say "correlation doesn't equal causation" to avoid acknowledging data.
1049.Use "statistically speaking" and then cite no statistics.
1050.Respond to every proposal with "the data doesn't support this" — with no data.
1051.Randomly say "let's pressure test this" about things that don't need testing.
1052.Say "I'd push back on that" before agreeing with everything said.
1053.Preface every opinion with "speaking as someone who has thought deeply about this…"
1054.Pepper every argument with "respectfully" while being completely disrespectful.
1055.Ask "but what's the ROI?" for every single suggestion, including morale boosters.
1056.Ask "what's the KPI for that?" about clearly unquantifiable things.
1057.Request a "north star metric" for a birthday card collection.
1058.Insist on defining success criteria for getting lunch together.
1059.Refuse to act without a RACI matrix for every task.
1060.Create a RACI matrix for tasks that only involve you.
1061.Apply agile methodology to things agile was never designed for.
1062.Sprint-plan your grocery list and share it in the team standup.
1063.Create a ticket for every micro-task, including "reply to Bob's email."
1064.Insist every task goes through a formal intake process.
1065.Make people fill out a brief to ask you a 2-minute question.
1066.Require a 1-pager before agreeing to a 5-minute conversation.
1067.Demand a "pre-read" for every discussion, no matter how casual.
1068.Send a 40-page pre-read for a 15-minute update call.
1069.Send the pre-read 10 minutes before the meeting it was supposed to prepare people for.
1070.Expect everyone to have read a pre-read you sent 4 minutes ago.
1071.Get visibly offended when no one has "done the reading."
1072.Constantly reference the pre-read during the meeting with page numbers.
1073.Say "as I outlined in my memo" three times per meeting.
1074.Write memos for everything: memos about memos, memos about process.
1075.Demand written confirmation of every verbal agreement.
1076.Dispute verbal agreements because there's "nothing in writing."
1077.Change written agreements and claim it was always that way.
1078.Send a "for the record" email after every verbal disagreement.
1079.CC your manager on "for the record" emails to everyone.
1080.Keep a personal paper trail of every workplace interaction.
1081.Reference this paper trail casually and frequently.
1082.Bring printed evidence to casual conversations.
1083.Use timestamps to prove you said something first.
1084.Send a calendar invite as "proof" you mentioned something.
1085.Screenshot every Slack conversation for your personal records.
1086.Print and file emails as physical documents.
1087.Ask to record every meeting "for your own notes."
1088.Claim you said something in a meeting that was never recorded.
1089.Dispute the accuracy of meeting notes you didn't contribute to.
1090.Submit edits to meeting notes two weeks after the meeting.
1091.Revise official meeting notes to support your preferred version of events.
1092.Ask "can we revisit the notes from our last meeting?" at the start of every meeting.
1093.Dispute the previous meeting's notes at the start of every meeting.
1094.Take 25 minutes to agree on the accuracy of previous meeting notes.
1095.Submit a formal complaint about meeting notes formatting.
1096.Request that all decisions be reviewed by legal — including lunch orders.
1097.Say "I'll need to run this by compliance" about decidedly non-compliance matters.
1098.Use "policy" as a reason to avoid anything inconvenient.
1099.Invent policies that don't exist to avoid tasks.
1100.Cite a policy from 2009 to win a current argument.
1101.Quote the employee handbook in casual conversations.
1102.Memorize the employee handbook and correct people often.
1103.Suggest updating the employee handbook every time something doesn't go your way.
1104.Propose a new policy every time something mildly inconveniences you.
1105.Turn every minor frustration into a systemic issue requiring a committee.
1106.Form a committee for things that one person could handle in 10 minutes.
1107.Suggest a task force to address problems that could be solved by a conversation.
1108.Name every working group you join and put it on your LinkedIn.
1109.Call for a "working session" when an email would do.
1110.Schedule a "deep dive" that lasts 14 minutes.
1111.Schedule a "quick sync" that lasts 2.5 hours.
1112.Use "let's table that" and "let's take that off the table" interchangeably and confusingly.
1113.Say "let's park that" and forget where you parked it every single time.
1114.End every meeting with "let's make sure we action the actionables."
1115.Redesign the company logo and share it without being asked.
1116.Suggest the company rebrand every quarter.
1117.Use off-brand colors in every presentation and claim they're "fresher."
1118.Use a font you found online that no one else has installed.
1119.Use three different fonts in a single slide.
1120.Use seven different font sizes on a single slide.
1121.Center-align every document you produce.
1122.Right-align every document you produce.
1123.Justify text in narrow columns so it creates huge word spacing gaps.
1124.Use random ALL CAPS for EMPHASIS throughout your DOCUMENTS.
1125.Bold every third word for no discernible pattern.
1126.Italicize entire paragraphs.
1127.Underline non-links in digital documents.
1128.Use strikethrough on text that should simply be deleted.
1129.Use a white font on a white background and then ask why no one read your note.
1130.Name every color in a palette something pretentious, like "Whispering Fog" for grey.
1131.Submit designs in formats the client/team can't open.
1132.Present wireframes to stakeholders and insist "it's just a wireframe" when challenged.
1133.Use placeholder text (Lorem Ipsum) in a final deliverable.
1134.Leave "[INSERT NAME HERE]" in a published document.
1135.Send a client document with the previous client's name still in it.
1136.Submit a report with "TBD" throughout key sections.
1137.Use stock images that are clearly, obviously stock.
1138.Use the same stock photo of "a business handshake" in every presentation.
1139.Add clip art to formal business documents.
1140.Add WordArt to any work after 2003.
1141.Insert decorative borders around every page of a serious report.
1142.Use a tiled background image in an email.
1143.Use a background image that makes text impossible to read.
1144.Use dark mode on a document being presented via projector.
1145.Print color-coded documents on a black-and-white printer and act surprised.
1146.Send landscape-oriented documents meant to be read in portrait.
1147.Send a 14-page document in A3 paper size.
1148.Format a report for A4 paper in a country that uses Letter size.
1149.Send a print-ready file at 72 DPI.
1150.Deliver a high-resolution file when a small web thumbnail was requested.
1151.Deliver all assets unnamed: "image1," "image2," "image2a."
1152.Deliver all assets in one giant folder with no subfolders.
1153.Deliver assets inside a ZIP file inside another ZIP file.
1154.Rename a file with today's date and deliver it without version notes.
1155.Claim version 12 is the final version and then send version 13 "with just one tweak."
1156.Make "one small change" that affects the entire layout.
1157.Say "it's just a quick fix" about a change that takes 3 hours.
1158.Make a change you weren't asked to make and not mention it.
1159.Send something "done" with three obvious errors on the first page.
1160.Fix the three obvious errors and introduce five new ones.
1161.Fix typos but introduce grammatical errors in the process.
1162.Auto-correct proper nouns to incorrect words and not notice.
1163.Use spell-check but not grammar-check, ever.
1164.Never use either spell-check nor grammar-check.
1165.Spell the client's company name wrong throughout an entire document.
1166.Misspell a colleague's name in every single email.
1167.Misspell your own name in your email signature.
1168.Have a grammatically incorrect tagline in your email signature.
1169.Have an inspirational quote in your email signature that means the opposite of what you think.
1170.Have an out-of-date job title in your email signature for two years.
1171.Have a personal award from 2014 listed prominently in your signature.
1172.Include your Myers-Briggs type in your email signature.
1173.Include your Enneagram number in your email signature.
1174.Include your star sign in your email signature.
1175.Apply astrology to project planning openly.
1176.Apply astrology to hiring decisions and not realize it's a problem.
1177.Refuse to schedule launches during Mercury retrograde.
1178.Schedule an all-hands during a full moon and reference the full moon.
1179.Base quarterly targets on numerology.
1180.Suggest naming projects after zodiac signs.
1181.Name every project after a different mythology and require everyone to know the references.
1182.Rename things that already have names with no explanation.
1183.Give everything a codename and then forget what the codename refers to.
1184.Create acronyms for everything and force people to memorize them.
1185.Create an acronym that spells something awkward.
1186.Use an acronym that means something different at the same company.
1187.Use abbreviations no one knows in every written document.
1188.Create a document of abbreviations that's longer than the project plan.
1189.Insist the whole team use your preferred abbreviations, not standard ones.
1190.Create a style guide and then not follow it yourself.
1191.Create a brand voice guide and write in a completely different voice.
1192.Insist all team communications match a "tone" only you understand.
1193.Retroactively apply style rules to work already submitted.
1194.Change the style guide mid-project and require rework of everything.
1195.Walk at an unpredictably variable speed in corridors.
1196.Stop suddenly in front of people walking behind you.
1197.Drift sideways while walking so no one can pass.
1198.Walk and read your phone directly into oncoming office traffic.
1199.Walk and eat loudly at the same time.
1200.Walk very close behind someone for an uncomfortably long stretch.
1201.Walk in step behind someone for a whole corridor without speaking.
1202.Sprint everywhere in the office for no apparent reason.
1203.Sprint and then skid dramatically to a stop at your destination.
1204.Take the scenic route to every destination and be surprised when you're late.
1205.Take the stairs in a way that makes them impassable for everyone else.
1206.Stand on the wrong side of the escalator.
1207.Walk up the down escalator every day "for the exercise."
1208.Ride the elevator to go one floor up, but make eye contact the entire ride.
1209.Get on an elevator, realize you pressed the wrong floor, and press another floor.
1210.Press every floor button on the way out of an elevator "by accident."
1211.Hold the elevator for someone so far away that everyone else waits silently for 40 seconds.
1212.Get on an elevator and immediately announce what floor you're going to.
1213.Get on an elevator and make a joke about the weight limit.
1214.Get on an elevator and immediately say "I'll take the next one" and step off.
1215.Stand right in front of elevator doors and be shocked people want to exit.
1216.Try to squeeze into a full elevator with a loud "I'll fit!"
1217.Start a conversation with everyone in the elevator.
1218.Make elevator pitch jokes in the elevator.
1219.Take a full phone call in the elevator without pausing for a second.
1220.Use the bathroom on another floor just to walk around.
1221.Take the long way to every meeting and arrive exactly 7 minutes late.
1222.Get lost on the way to a meeting in an office you've worked in for three years.
1223.Show up to a meeting in the wrong room and insist the room is wrong, not you.
1224.Walk into a meeting room that's clearly occupied and then make everyone feel bad for being in "your" room.
1225.Pace the floor while thinking, in front of everyone trying to work.
1226.Pace so rhythmically that it creates a metronomic distraction.
1227.Walk laps around the open-plan office throughout the day.
1228.Power walk laps during a call without headphones.
1229.Use an under-desk treadmill at a speed so fast the whole desk shakes.
1230.Use a balance board at your desk and sway hypnotically.
1231.Use a desk bike that squeaks on every rotation.
1232.Use a standing desk and then comment every time someone else sits.
1233.Constantly ask seated coworkers if they know "sitting is the new smoking."
1234.Stretch at your desk and groan loudly during every stretch.
1235.Do push-ups next to your desk without any warning.
1236.Do lunges down the hallway on the way to meetings.
1237.Do calf raises at the coffee machine through an entire conversation.
1238.Start every morning with jumping jacks in the open office.
1239.Do a Zoom fitness class audibly with the sound on during work hours.
1240.Join a work video call directly from the gym while actively exercising.
1241.Return from the gym and describe your entire workout in detail to anyone who stands still.
1242.Loudly rate your workout out of 10 every day.
1243.Use a foam roller at your desk with full sound effects.
1244.Use a massage gun at your desk at full intensity.
1245.Place resistance bands around your chair legs and use them periodically throughout meetings.
1246.Wear your gym clothes to the office and change there, in a shared bathroom, leaving gym clothes everywhere.
1247.Dry your workout clothes over your desk chair and act surprised at the reaction.
1248.Bring your reusable water bottle that's the size of a fire extinguisher.
1249.Refill your giant water bottle 18 times a day, loudly, at the water cooler.
1250.Shake your blender bottle until the contents sound like a washing machine.
1251.Leave your supplement shaker bottle unwashed.
1252.Leave your protein powder on the shared kitchen counter permanently.
1253.Ask everyone if they want to try your protein shake every day.
1254.Talk about your new supplement regime to anyone who engages with you for more than 90 seconds.
1255.Talk about your macros constantly.
1256.Announce when you're hitting your macros.
1257.Refuse to eat at any restaurant that doesn't align with your current diet.
1258.Order something extremely complicated at every work lunch.
1259.Hold up the entire table at lunch with an extensive order.
1260.Ask the waiter to describe every item in detail for a 15-person group.
1261.Require a 15-minute deliberation before ordering.
1262.Change your order after the waiter has left.
1263.Send food back at a work lunch.
1264.Stay behind to chat at a work lunch until your coworkers are late back.
1265.Post about every team win on LinkedIn before the team knows about it.
1266.Use LinkedIn to subtly humble-brag about your team's struggles as "learning opportunities."
1267.Write long-form LinkedIn posts about mundane office experiences as profound life lessons.
1268.Begin every LinkedIn post with a single dramatic word on its own line.
1269.End every LinkedIn post by asking people to "drop a comment below."
1270.Tag coworkers in your LinkedIn posts without asking them first.
1271.Tag coworkers in LinkedIn posts that make them look bad.
1272.Post confidential company strategies on LinkedIn.
1273.React to your own company's LinkedIn posts from your personal account within seconds.
1274.Comment "So true!" on your own company's LinkedIn posts.
1275.DM coworkers on LinkedIn to ask work questions when you have their email.
1276.Connect with every client on personal social media immediately after meeting them.
1277.Follow up a client meeting by liking 4 years of their Instagram posts.
1278.Follow clients on Twitter/X and reply to their personal posts.
1279.Share internal team photos publicly on social media without asking.
1280.Post team event photos where people look clearly unflattering without asking.
1281.Post a photo of a coworker who specifically asked not to be photographed.
1282.Live-tweet the company offsite.
1283.Screenshot internal Slack conversations and post them to social media.
1284.Screenshot a coworker's Teams/Slack status and share it as a meme.
1285.React with "haha" to every single message in Slack regardless of content.
1286.Use the "eyes" emoji to react to every announcement without ever following up.
1287.Add a custom reaction emoji of a thumbs down to the workspace.
1288.Create Slack polls for things that don't need a poll.
1289.Create Slack polls for decisions that have already been made.
1290.Create a Slack poll with only one option.
1291.Spam the general Slack channel with GIFs for every minor occasion.
1292.Flood the Slack general channel the morning after any TV show finale.
1293.Turn Slack channel notifications off and then complain about being out of the loop.
1294.Turn every possible Slack notification ON and react to everything instantly at all hours.
1295.Post in Slack channels at 2 a.m. and expect immediate responses.
1296.Mark your Slack messages as urgent at all hours of the day and night.
1297.Change the Slack channel description to something irrelevant.
1298.Create a new Slack channel for every micro-topic.
1299.Create a Slack channel and then immediately abandon it.
1300.Post in a deprecated Slack channel that no one monitors.
1301.Ask in the wrong Slack channel and refuse to repost in the right one.
1302.Ask in five different Slack channels simultaneously and confuse everyone responding.
1303.Ask a question in Slack and then immediately answer it yourself.
1304.Send a Slack message saying "calling you now" and then call before the message is read.
1305.Send a "let me know when you're free" message and call 30 seconds later.
1306.Text someone's personal phone about a non-urgent work thing on a weekend.
1307.Text someone's personal phone during off-hours and add "no rush."
1308.Send a personal text and then mention it in a meeting: "I texted you about this."
1309.Add work contacts to a WhatsApp group without asking.
1310.Create a WhatsApp group for work and then share memes there exclusively.
1311.Send work updates via Snapchat.
1312.Invite coworkers to connect on every possible social platform.
1313.Use BeReal to document your workday and share it in the work chat.
1314.Share your screen time stats as a badge of honor in the team chat.
1315.Share your Apple Watch fitness metrics in the team chat unprompted.
1316.Start a group fitness competition that gradually becomes too competitive.
1317.Win the fitness challenge and create a trophy for yourself.
1318.Challenge your coworkers to competitive games they didn't agree to via app.
1319.Challenge coworkers on Strava and comment on all their runs.
1320.Post passive-aggressive Spotify "Daily Mix" screenshots that are clearly aimed at a coworker.
1321.Share your Wordle score every morning in the team chat.
1322.Share your Wordle score before everyone has had a chance to play.
1323.Share your Wordle in a way that spoils the answer.
1324.Insist on playing Wordle at exactly 12:00 a.m. and discussing it immediately.
1325.Send "good morning" texts to the work chat before 7 a.m.
1326.Send a "good night" to the work chat every evening.
1327.Use the work channel to post personal holiday greetings.
1328.Post "Happy Monday!" with a motivational quote in the work chat every week.
1329.Post "Happy Friday!" GIFs every single Friday without variation.
1330.Post "Happy Hump Day!" every Wednesday, enthusiastically.
1331.Post news headlines in the work chat with the comment "thoughts?"
1332.Post politically divisive news in the work general channel.
1333.Respond to everyone's work chat messages immediately — even at midnight.
1334.Be online in all tools 24/7 and openly judge people who aren't.
1335.Use your work laptop for personal streaming services during work hours — loudly.
1336.Watch TV series on your work laptop with the volume low but still audible.
1337.Have your TV on in the background during video calls.
1338.Take work calls from the couch in obviously casual clothing.
1339.Take a video call from bed, camera on, pillow clearly visible.
1340.Take a video call while clearly doing chores in the background.
1341.Take a video call while walking your dog, and the dog keeps pulling.
1342.Take a video call with a very messy background and become offended when asked to blur it.
1343.Take a video call with children audibly arguing in the background and not acknowledge it.
1344.Take a video call in the car with engine noise throughout.
1345.Micromanage every detail and call it "staying close to the work."
1346.Disappear for weeks and call it "empowering your team."
1347.Micromanage on Tuesday and be completely absent on Wednesday.
1348.Give people autonomy on meaningless tasks; micromanage the important ones.
1349.Ask for updates every 20 minutes on work that takes days.
1350.Ask for "just a quick status" four times in an afternoon.
1351.Provide no direction and then critique the outcome heavily.
1352.Provide extremely detailed direction and critique how the person did it differently.
1353.Change priorities every 48 hours and call it "adaptability."
1354.Add new urgent tasks without removing anything from the current workload.
1355.Say "this is top priority" about every single item on the list.
1356.Declare everything equally urgent so nothing is actually prioritized.
1357.Move goalposts right before delivery.
1358.Add scope the day before launch.
1359.Say "I know this is last minute, but…" about a request that needed two weeks' notice.
1360.Give vague feedback: "It needs more pop," "Make it feel more premium," "Just make it better."
1361.Give contradictory feedback: "More detail, but simpler."
1362.Give feedback in the form of questions with no actual direction.
1363.Redline a document so heavily the original is unrecognizable, then say "great start!"
1364.Redline a document and then change it back to the original version.
1365.Approve something and then revoke approval with no explanation.
1366.Disapprove something and then be unable to explain what you want instead.
1367.Ask for a "completely fresh take" and then reject it for not being the original.
1368.Ask for someone's opinion and then argue with it until they agree with yours.
1369.Ask for input but have already decided.
1370.Call a brainstorm but only accept your own ideas.
1371.Take the best idea from a brainstorm and attribute it to yourself in the next meeting.
1372.Say "that's exactly what I was thinking" to every idea after the fact.
1373.Use "yes, and" language and then redirect to your original idea.
1374.Nod enthusiastically during all pitches and then approve nothing.
1375.Say "I love this direction" and then pivot entirely in the next meeting.
1376.Keep people in suspense about decisions for weeks.
1377.Make decisions in hallway conversations and not tell the people working on the project.
1378.Change something based on a casual conversation and forget to loop the team in.
1379.Get excited about a new idea from a podcast and dramatically change plans.
1380.Return from a conference on fire with ideas that require rebuilding everything.
1381.Return from vacation and undo two weeks of work "because you have fresh eyes."
1382.Return from vacation and require a full recap, disregarding all updates sent.
1383.Ignore all the updates sent while you were on vacation and then ask "so where are we?"
1384.Blame your team for missing a deadline you didn't know about because you were out.
1385.Set a deadline without involving the people who have to meet it.
1386.Announce a deadline publicly before confirming it's achievable.
1387.Announce a deadline to senior leadership that's two weeks earlier than what was agreed internally.
1388.Promise a client something without consulting the team doing the work.
1389.Volunteer your team's services without checking capacity.
1390.Over-promise capabilities in client calls and describe it as "aspirational."
1391.Book client deliverables during a period when half the team is on leave.
1392.Accept client changes with no SOW amendment.
1393.Agree to scope changes verbally with no documentation.
1394.Say "we can absolutely do that" to everything and let the team figure it out.
1395.Win business with a team that doesn't yet exist.
1396.Hire people and have no work ready for them.
1397.Assign people to multiple conflicting projects and never resolve the conflict.
1398.Assign someone to a project they're not qualified for without support.
1399.Assign the hardest tasks to the most capable people always, without reward.
1400.Assign the easiest tasks to underperformers indefinitely.
1401.Give everyone the same feedback regardless of performance.
1402.Give glowing reviews and then give low raises.
1403.Cite "budget constraints" for low raises after record profits.
1404.Promise promotions and delay them indefinitely.
1405.Give promotions without pay increases and call it "a great opportunity."
1406.Give pay increases without promotions to avoid the title costing more later.
1407.Create a new title that means nothing to avoid giving a true promotion.
1408.Say "I go to bat for you" constantly with nothing to show for it.
1409.Tell each team member they're your "most valued" person.
1410.Tell people they're "like family" and then treat them nothing like family.
1411.Offer flexible work and then penalize people who use it.
1412.Announce open-door policy and then be visibly annoyed when people knock.
1413.Say "come to me with problems" and respond to problems with "you should have handled that."
1414.Ask for feedback on your management style and retaliate subtly.
1415.Say you "thrive on feedback" and cry when given mild feedback.
1416.Tell people you're "not here to be liked" and then constantly seek validation.
1417.Take criticism of your work as a personal attack.
1418.Take every project personally.
1419.Make every retrospective about what went wrong and who's to blame.
1420.Blame the process, never the decisions.
1421.Blame external factors for failures; take credit for external tailwinds.
1422.Say "we" when things go well; say "the team" when things go wrong.
1423.Praise publicly in extremely vague terms; critique specifically and publicly.
1424.Schedule 1:1s and then cancel them consistently for "urgent" things.
1425.Eat something that smells like a barnyard at 8:15 a.m.
1426.Eat a boiled egg sandwich loudly at your open-plan desk.
1427.Bring fermented/pickled foods and pretend you can't smell them.
1428.Microwave something with cumin at 9 a.m.
1429.Microwave curry in a small, poorly ventilated room.
1430.Microwave fish, then leave the office for an afternoon meeting.
1431.Eat a tuna sandwich while sitting next to someone on a long video call.
1432.Eat garlic bread every day at lunch, breath unmanaged.
1433.Pop strong breath mints loudly all day.
1434.Chew gum at full volume and snap it.
1435.Crack open a can of energy drink in a silent room.
1436.Aggressively stir a cup of tea so the spoon rings out constantly.
1437.Leave used tea bags on the counter beside the sink, not in it.
1438.Leave a tea bag ring on every surface you rest your mug on.
1439.Leave a trail of coffee drips from the machine to your desk.
1440.Leave a half-finished flavored coffee that smells extremely sweet on a shared desk.
1441.Bring in a scented candle that's overwhelming.
1442.Use a plug-in air freshener set to maximum near someone who is sensitive to scents.
1443.Spray perfume at the office every morning, afternoon, and after lunch.
1444.Reapply cologne/perfume after the gym while sitting at your desk.
1445.Use lavender everything — lotion, spray, diffuser — in shared spaces.
1446.Use strong essential oils in a diffuser pointed at your neighbor's desk.
1447.Burn incense at your desk.
1448.Spray Febreze indiscriminately in every room.
1449.Control the thermostat silently and constantly without telling anyone.
1450.Set the office temperature to 65°F/18°C and wear a sweater.
1451.Set the office temperature to 78°F/26°C and wear a t-shirt.
1452.Complain about being hot, turn on a fan that blows everyone else's papers away.
1453.Complain about being cold and turn on a space heater that makes the whole room hot.
1454.Open a window in January without asking.
1455.Close a window in August without asking.
1456.Direct a fan so it blows directly on the person next to you.
1457.Point a desk fan at a pile of papers so they scatter periodically.
1458.Use a humidifier that makes the whole room feel like a rainforest.
1459.Use a dehumidifier that turns the air to desert levels.
1460.Drink hot soup loudly in a cold quiet office and let the steam rise dramatically.
1461.Heat up leftover fish on the most humid, warm day of the summer.
1462.Bring in durian fruit and be genuinely baffled by the reaction.
1463.Bring in strong blue cheese as a desk snack.
1464.Bring in very ripe bananas and leave them next to someone's monitor.
1465.Leave a plate of food at your desk until it becomes room temperature and starts to smell.
1466.Leave fruit in a shared bowl until it's overripe.
1467.Leave coffee in a mug for three days and then heat it in the microwave.
1468.Leave something sugary spilled on a shared surface — dried.
1469.Leave a wrapper in the bin so it smells for days.
1470.Burn popcorn and then run the microwave again immediately.
1471.Leave burned-on residue in the microwave for weeks.
1472.Claim the burning smell is "just the microwave being old."
1473.Come into the office wearing clothes that smell like they've been in a damp washing machine.
1474.Come into the office wearing obviously day-old gym clothes.
1475.Wear a wool sweater and create a full static electricity field.
1476.Leave wet umbrellas right in the walkway.
1477.Leave wet boots on the heating vents.
1478.Leave winter clothes on shared chairs to dry.
1479.Leave waterproof gear dripping in the shared coat area.
1480.Leave a towel on the back of a shared chair.
1481.Leave your lunchbox open in the fridge so its smell permeates everything.
1482.Leave fish sauce with a loose lid in the communal fridge.
1483.Claim that a smell is "barely noticeable" about something that's extremely noticeable.
1484.Deny that anything smells when everyone clearly disagrees.
1485.Join video calls two minutes late while saying "just finishing something up."
1486.Join a video call on mute, speaking at full volume, for 90 seconds.
1487.Join a video call and immediately say "hold on, I just need to grab something."
1488.Leave a video call running while you're clearly not there.
1489.Be on a video call and wander completely out of frame mid-conversation.
1490.Leave a video call and be clearly visible still in the room from someone else's camera.
1491.Forget to leave a call and be overheard having a completely unrelated conversation.
1492.Stay on a call after it's clearly over, silently, until someone kicks you out.
1493.Use a virtual background that's your own office but much tidier than it actually is.
1494.Use a virtual background of a tropical beach and describe your home office as "a bit distracting."
1495.Use a moving virtual background that causes motion sickness for others.
1496.Have a real background so messy it becomes a topic of conversation.
1497.Have family members clearly visible in the background of every call.
1498.Have a family member audibly ask you what you want for dinner during a client call.
1499.Have a clearly audible TV in the background for all calls.
1500.Join a video call from outside with so much wind noise no one can hear.
1501.Join a video call from a bustling café as if this is normal.
1502.Join a video call and describe at length where you are "working from today."
1503.Work from a different time zone without telling anyone and be unavailable during core hours.
1504.Work from a different country on a standard domestic employment contract without disclosing it.
1505.Be suspiciously available at unusual hours and suspiciously absent during regular ones.
1506.Be online but never respond to anything for hours at a time.
1507.Have your laptop "die" at the exact moment a difficult conversation is scheduled.
1508.Experience convenient "connectivity issues" whenever something awkward arises.
1509.Claim your Wi-Fi "cut out" to avoid answering an uncomfortable question on a call.
1510.Blame your ISP for every single technical issue, forever.
1511.Use the same "tech issue" excuse across multiple meetings in a week.
1512.Be spectacularly unreachable during a crisis and reply "I was offline" 6 hours later.
1513.Send a message and then go offline immediately afterward.
1514.Message "can we call?" and then not answer when called.
1515.Request a call and then be unavailable for three hours.
1516.Schedule a call and then send a long email 5 minutes before.
1517.Send work emails and messages during your clearly stated vacation.
1518.Reply to a work email while on maternity/paternity leave.
1519.Be visible on Slack all weekend and expect the same of others.
1520.Check your work phone during dinner and announce it at the table.
1521.Send a "not urgent but…" message at 10 p.m.
1522.Send a message that says "no rush on this" and then follow up before anyone wakes up.
1523.Set your status to "Away" while clearly being active.
1524.Set your status to "In a meeting" for 14 hours straight.
1525.Set your status to "Focused" and then initiate every conversation yourself.
1526.Set an automated message promising a reply in 24 hours and reply in 2 minutes.
1527.Use a Slackbot to auto-reply "on it!" so it looks like you're responsive when you're not.
1528.Use a keyboard jiggler and then complain about always being "on."
1529.Have your out-of-office say you're back on Monday and not come back until Thursday.
1530.Return from leave and ask everyone to "just catch you up" instead of reading the updates.
1531.Come back from leave and loudly proclaim all decisions made in your absence wrong.
1532.Return and say "let's circle back on all of this once I'm fully back up to speed."
1533.Not be "fully back up to speed" for three months.
1534.Schedule a call to "catch up" that ends with you having taken no notes and needing a follow-up call.
1535.Send wellness resources to people who didn't ask for them.
1536.Recommend your therapist to someone venting casually.
1537.Suggest meditation to someone who is clearly just having a bad day.
1538.Suggest yoga as a solution to a legitimate workplace problem.
1539.Tell someone they "seem stressed" loudly in front of others.
1540.Suggest someone is "burned out" based on a single grumpy morning.
1541.Give detailed unsolicited diet advice.
1542.Describe your elimination diet in detail at the lunch table.
1543.Describe your gut health journey to people eating.
1544.Talk about intermittent fasting constantly and passive-aggressively.
1545.Comment on when people eat in relation to your fasting schedule.
1546.Say "I don't eat before noon" every time morning snacks are offered.
1547.Say "I've already hit my calories for today" at 11 a.m. and describe what that means.
1548.Judge people for their food choices using nutrition app terminology.
1549.Bring in kale chips to a meeting instead of the requested donuts.
1550.Suggest "healthier options" for a team celebration no one asked you to manage.
1551.Replace the break room snacks with protein bars without asking.
1552.Throw away "unhealthy" communal snacks on behalf of the office.
1553.Leave articles about the dangers of sugar on people's desks.
1554.Forward health news articles to the whole team via email weekly.
1555.Announce your blood pressure stats after a difficult meeting.
1556.Describe your cortisol levels as a work metric.
1557.Leave a blood glucose monitor on the shared table and explain its readings to everyone.
1558.Loudly announce your resting heart rate every morning.
1559.Discuss sleep scores as a competitive metric.
1560.Brag about getting only 5 hours of sleep as a badge of honor.
1561.Brag about 9 hours of sleep as a badge of honor.
1562.Describe every aspect of your sleep cycle unprompted.
1563.Tell people their cognitive performance is "definitely impaired" based on their coffee order.
1564.Track your mood with an app and share your daily score in the team chat.
1565.Ask coworkers to fill in a "team wellness survey" every Monday.
1566.Create a wellness Slack channel and post relentlessly in it.
1567.Start a daily meditation challenge in the workplace without buy-in.
1568.Lead an unsolicited guided breathing exercise in the middle of the office.
1569.Ask everyone to "check in with their bodies" before a 9 a.m. budget meeting.
1570.Begin meetings with an emotional "temperature check."
1571.Require people to share a "word that describes how you're feeling" at every meeting.
1572.Push for more "psychological safety" in contexts that don't need it.
1573.Claim everything needs to be a "safe space" and use it to avoid accountability.
1574.Frame every piece of feedback as a "microaggression" directed at you.
1575.Use therapy-speak in regular work interactions inappropriately.
1576.Tell someone their feedback "doesn't land well" for you.
1577.Say "I need to honor my boundaries" about doing a reasonable part of your job.
1578.Tell someone their communication style is "triggering" you when they ask you to complete a task.
1579.Request a "trauma-informed" approach to performance reviews.
1580.Bring emotional support items to performance review meetings.
1581.Begin every difficult conversation with a 10-minute check-in ritual.
1582.Require "co-regulation" before being able to address a work issue.
1583.Leave mid-meeting to "regulate" and not return.
1584.Cancel commitments due to "emotional bandwidth" on a weekly basis.
1585.Use "nervous system activation" as a reason for missing deadlines.
1586.Announce you're "in freeze response" during a routine team update.
1587.Say "I can't hold this right now" about a clearly reasonable request.
1588.Take a personal day due to a news cycle event and share your reasoning broadly.
1589.Frame every difference of opinion as a "safety" issue.
1590.Use "I feel" statements to reframe every factual work conversation.
1591.Repeatedly say "I hear you" with no intention of changing anything.
1592.Use "I'm holding space for you" and then do nothing helpful.
1593.Tell people you're "witnessing their experience" during a project crisis.
1594.Turn every work challenge into an opportunity to discuss childhood experiences.
1595.Confuse work relationships with therapeutic ones.
1596.Share deeply personal mental health journeys in work meetings without prompt.
1597.Make every team retrospective an emotional processing session.
1598.Extend a 30-minute retrospective to 3 hours because "feelings needed space."
1599.Turn every problem into a values exercise that resolves nothing.
1600.Insist on a "team values alignment" session before solving any practical problem.
1601.Spend a full day on "team culture work" and produce no tangible outcomes.
1602.Design and redesign the team charter every quarter.
1603.Use the team values as a shield against accountability.
1604.Cite "company culture" to avoid any change that inconveniences you personally.
1605.Assign 47 hours of mandatory e-learning in the first week of onboarding.
1606.Make every compliance training module unskippable and 25 minutes long.
1607.Create mandatory training on a topic addressed adequately in a 2-minute email.
1608.Make people sit through a training they don't need because "it's policy."
1609.Create a quiz at the end of a training with trick questions.
1610.Require a passing grade of 100% on a compliance quiz.
1611.Require re-completion of a training because someone got 99%.
1612.Create 90-minute webinars with no interaction and no breaks.
1613.Present slides while speaking at the exact pace they can be read, defeating the purpose.
1614.Present slides with typos and mispronounce words on slides that are clearly spelled out.
1615.Speak in a monotone for the full duration of any training.
1616.Use the same training deck from 2016 with no updates.
1617.Refer to tools and systems in training that the company no longer uses.
1618.Assign training on a system that's being replaced next month.
1619.Onboard someone and assign their laptop three days after they arrive.
1620.Onboard someone and not have their accounts set up for the first week.
1621.Onboard someone with an agenda that makes no sense chronologically.
1622.Introduce a new hire to "the team" in a 22-person meeting with no context.
1623.Buddy a new hire with someone who has no time to be a buddy.
1624.Assign a mentor who has left the company.
1625.Give a new hire a welcome kit with an incorrect start date on it.
1626.Assign a new hire an email address that's someone else's name.
1627.Forget to add a new hire to the correct mailing lists for six weeks.
1628.Add a new hire to 47 mailing lists on day one with no guidance.
1629.Give a new hire a job description that doesn't match their actual role.
1630.Not introduce a new hire to the team for the first two weeks.
1631.Introduce a new hire to the team and immediately misstate their name and role.
1632.Introduce a new hire to the team by saying "they'll figure it out."
1633.Give a new hire conflicting information about who they report to.
1634.Give a new hire contradictory process documentation from different team members.
1635.Assign a new hire to a project before they know any of the context.
1636.Assign a new hire client-facing responsibilities before they've met the internal team.
1637.Ask a new hire to present in their first week.
1638.Ask a new hire to "just jump in" to a meeting they've never heard of.
1639.Say "we don't really have a process — just figure it out" to every new hire.
1640.Tell a new hire "it's a steep learning curve" and leave them to it.
1641.Tell a new hire "we're a family here" and let them discover what that actually means.
1642.Hire someone with a specific skill set and immediately have them do something different.
1643.Express surprise that a new hire doesn't know the company's internal terminology yet.
1644.Be visibly impatient when a new hire asks "too many" questions.
1645.Tell a new hire "just search for it on the drive" — about documents that don't exist.
1646.Direct a new hire to "the wiki" knowing full well it hasn't been updated since 2018.
1647.Delete the onboarding document and not tell anyone.
1648.Have conflicting onboarding documents with the same name in different folders.
1649.Put onboarding materials in a folder only managers can access.
1650.Password-protect onboarding materials and then forget the password.
1651.Use an onboarding platform that crashes every other click.
1652.Conduct virtual onboarding with no video, just a phone call with slides you haven't shared.
1653.Do onboarding entirely via email to a person who doesn't have email access yet.
1654.Do virtual onboarding with no camera and a microphone that echoes.
1655.Conduct a virtual onboarding session in a coffee shop.
1656.Record an onboarding video in portrait mode on a phone in a kitchen.
1657.Record an onboarding video and forget to edit out the 9 minutes of silence at the start.
1658.Require new hires to watch an onboarding video that is obviously homemade from 2015.
1659.Use onboarding videos where the presenter refers to tools and processes that changed two years ago.
1660.Require new hires to onboard themselves using a document you haven't checked in three years.
1661.Ask a new hire to update the onboarding document as their first assignment.
1662.Ask a new hire to "shadow" someone but give no briefing to the person being shadowed.
1663.Put a new hire on an intensive call schedule in week one with no context on who anyone is.
1664.Schedule a new hire for calls in week one that get canceled without notice.
1665.Give a new hire homework before their first day.
1666.Give a new hire homework on their first day.
1667.Give a new hire a deliverable due in their second week that would take a month to do well.
1668.Give performance feedback to a person on the first day.
1669.Set KPIs for a new hire before they've learned what the company does.
1670.Set KPIs in the first week that contradict the role description.
1671.Tell a new hire "we measure performance very rigorously here" on day one.
1672.Tell a new hire "we're very results-focused" and never explain what results matter.
1673.Forget a new hire is starting and have no one available to greet them.
1674.Put a new hire in a hotdesking environment with no assigned seat and no instructions.
1675.Require three levels of approval for expenses under $10.
1676.Require four signatures for a document that no one will ever read.
1677.Require wet signatures on forms that could be digital.
1678.Return forms because they were signed in blue ink, not black.
1679.Reject a submission because the font size is off by half a point.
1680.Reject a request because a checkbox was marked with an X instead of a check.
1681.Require the same information in three separate systems.
1682.Have five different systems for the same data that don't talk to each other.
1683.Require manual data entry of information that could be auto-imported.
1684.Have a process that takes 45 minutes that could be automated in a day.
1685.Refuse to automate anything "because we've always done it this way."
1686.Defend a broken process because "it works well enough."
1687.Defend a 14-step approval process for a $30 expense.
1688.Add a new approval step to a process every time something goes even slightly wrong.
1689.Create a form for a process that a 30-second email could handle.
1690.Create a form that asks for information you already have.
1691.Create a form with more mandatory fields than could possibly be necessary.
1692.Create a form that can't be submitted until you've filled in fields that don't apply to you.
1693.Require people to fill out a form just to get access to filling out the real form.
1694.Create a survey about surveys.
1695.Send a survey with 60 required questions about something with a simple fix.
1696.Send an annual engagement survey and visibly make no changes.
1697.Send an engagement survey and respond to low scores with a mandatory meeting.
1698.Hold a meeting about the meeting frequency based on survey results.
1699.Survey the team about survey fatigue.
1700.Require all feedback to go through an official form rather than a conversation.
1701.Send every communication through an approval workflow before it can go out.
1702.Require three team members to review a casual Slack message before it's sent.
1703.Apply the content review process to the team's internal Slack channel.
1704.Require a risk assessment for a team lunch.
1705.Require a risk assessment for a charity bake sale.
1706.Create a safety briefing for a 10-minute office tour.
1707.Create a 12-page policy document for how to use the kitchen.
1708.Create a policy for how to request policies.
1709.Issue a policy that contradicts an existing policy without reconciling them.
1710.Issue an updated policy with "see previous version" as the only note.
1711.Update a policy without telling anyone.
1712.Issue a "final" policy and then immediately release "version 1.1."
1713.Archive a policy no one knows is the one still being used.
1714.Create an exception process for the exception process.
1715.Apply the full 12-step change management process to renaming a folder.
1716.Hold a steering committee meeting about updating a phone number on a form.
1717.Put a 4-week notice period on changes to the breakroom coffee machine.
1718.Host a lunch-and-learn to explain a process change that could be a 2-line email.
1719.Write the release notes for an internal software update in technical jargon with no plain-language summary.
1720.Write a 14-page internal announcement for a minor system change.
1721.Write communications so formal they feel like legal documents.
1722.Write a "quick update" email that requires 20 minutes to read.
1723.Write every communication in the passive voice to avoid assigning responsibility.
1724.Write a process document that uses "the aforementioned" frequently.
1725.Refer to your own previous communications as "the above-referenced correspondence."
1726.Send an email and then send a physical memo about the same thing.
1727.Print all memos and physically walk them to recipients' desks.
1728.Address internal memos with full formal names and department codes.
1729.Write subject lines that don't reflect the email content.
1730.Write subject lines as full sentences.
1731.Write subject lines in ALL CAPS.
1732.Write one-word subject lines for complex topics.
1733.Respond to an email and completely change the subject line.
1734.Reply to an old thread to start a new, unrelated conversation.
1735.Forward an old email thread with a note saying "see below" and no context.
1736.Archive emails mid-thread, making them invisible to other participants.
1737.Send test emails to the entire company.
1738.Send a "please ignore my previous email" to the entire company.
1739.Send a "please ignore my previous email about the previous email" email.
1740.Reply to your own email thread to add one word.
1741.Resend the same email daily until it gets a response.
1742.Send urgent notifications for low-priority items.
1743.Send low-priority notifications for urgent items.
1744.Misuse the "confidential" label on emails about lunch orders.
1745.Use the "high importance" email flag for every message you send.
1746.Use email read receipts on every message.
1747.Disable read receipts on your own incoming emails.
1748.Insist all replies confirm "message received" as part of team protocol.
1749.Create a whole new protocol for confirmations and track compliance.
1750.Log every email interaction in a CRM no one else uses.
1751.Require every internal request to be logged in a ticketing system.
1752.Create a ticketing queue for someone sitting 3 feet away.
1753.Require tickets to be filled out in a specific format and reject them for formatting.
1754.Close tickets as "resolved" without actually resolving the issue.
1755.Plan a team outing to an activity only you enjoy.
1756.Plan a "team building" activity that's actually just a way to show off.
1757.Plan a team outing that's inherently competitive and then sulk when you lose.
1758.Organize a trivia night and write all the questions about your own areas of expertise.
1759.Plan a trivia night and argue when your answers are ruled wrong.
1760.Make an office birthday card the giver's main opportunity for a monologue.
1761.Circulate a birthday card but make signing it feel like a performance review.
1762.Give a birthday card that's completely unsigned at the bottom after circulating it for a week.
1763.Organize a birthday collection and announce how much each person contributed.
1764.Organize a birthday collection and keep the change.
1765.Plan an office party with a budget that covers decorations but not food.
1766.Plan an office party and invite more people than the venue holds.
1767.Plan an office party and forget to invite an entire department.
1768.Plan a formal office Christmas party with a beach theme for no clear reason.
1769.Theme an office event on a holiday that not everyone celebrates.
1770.Make an event with a dress code but not tell anyone.
1771.Make the event dress code "smart casual" with no further guidance.
1772.Hold a team bonding event during lunch, unpaid.
1773.Hold a mandatory "optional" team event on a Friday evening.
1774.Hold a mandatory "optional" event and note attendance for performance purposes.
1775.Announce an optional team activity and make the email sound like a threat.
1776.Mark team activities as "highly recommended" in emails from the CEO.
1777.Book a team dinner at a restaurant no one can afford on a non-expensed night.
1778.Require people to expense team dinners through a process that takes three months.
1779.Forget to submit the expense report and require people to cover it.
1780.Submit the expense report with errors and require personal bank details again.
1781.Organize catering for an event and forget half the dietary restrictions.
1782.Order catering that has exactly two items safe for anyone with a common allergy.
1783.Order catering where 8 options involve peanuts.
1784.Order catering for 20 people for a team of 40.
1785.Order too much catering and shame people who "aren't eating."
1786.Order catering and not order any vegetarian options.
1787.Order entirely vegetarian catering for a team that wanted a variety.
1788.Order food and then ration it.
1789.Order food and not tell anyone it has arrived until it's cold.
1790.Eat the catered food before the team gets there.
1791.Take the last of the catered food before latecomers get any.
1792.Stack your plate at a catered lunch with enough for three people.
1793.Hover around the food table and have multiple "just one more" servings.
1794.Linger at the food table past the meal to network so long no one can clear up.
1795.Organize a Secret Santa and set the budget at $100.
1796.Organize a Secret Santa and set the budget at $3.
1797.Organize a Secret Santa and buy a gift that's clearly about the giver, not the receiver.
1798.Organize a Secret Santa and "forget" to buy a gift.
1799.Organize a Secret Santa and buy a regifted item.
1800.Announce in the group that you found out who your Santa was before opening gifts.
1801.Open Secret Santa gifts and make a face.
1802.Open Secret Santa gifts and immediately ask for the receipt.
1803.Refuse to participate in Secret Santa and still expect a gift.
1804.Opt out of Secret Santa and then comment loudly on everyone else's gifts.
1805.Plan a team volunteer day during peak work season.
1806.Plan a team volunteer day that requires people to use PTO.
1807.Plan a team volunteer day and make it a photo opportunity rather than meaningful.
1808.Plan a charity fundraiser and take most of the credit for it in company communications.
1809.Organize a charity drive and create a leaderboard that shames low donors.
1810.Announce your personal donation publicly to make others feel guilty.
1811.Announce a company donation matching program but cap it at $1.
1812.Announce a wellness perk but put it in a benefits booklet no one reads.
1813.Announce a new employee perk and then change it in the fine print.
1814.Announce unlimited PTO but make taking it socially impossible.
1815.Announce flexible work hours and then comment when people aren't online at 9 a.m.
1816.Announce casual Fridays and then schedule a board meeting every Friday.
1817.Announce summer Fridays and quietly cancel them by July.
1818.Announce dog-friendly Fridays and then complain about the dog every Friday.
1819.Bring a dog that doesn't like people to a dog-friendly office.
1820.Bring a dog that barks nonstop to the office.
1821.Bring a dog that jumps on people excitedly without warning.
1822.Bring a dog and then tie it up near someone with a dog allergy.
1823.Bring a dog and let it roam the kitchen area.
1824.Bring a dog and let it eat someone's unattended lunch.
1825.Let your dog sit on shared furniture.
1826.Let your dog sit on a coworker's chair and say nothing.
1827.Let your dog bark during every single video call all day.
1828.Apologize for your dog but make no attempt to manage it.
1829.Bring your dog every day when Fridays were the only agreed day.
1830.Bring your cat to the office on dog-friendly Friday.
1831.Bring any pet that requires a terrarium to an open-plan office.
1832.Bring in a pet snake "just for the afternoon."
1833.Bring in a bird that can mimic sounds and encourage it during calls.
1834.Bring in a ferret and be genuinely surprised that not everyone is delighted.
1835.Ask colleagues "are you happy here?" with intense eye contact.
1836.Ask "what's your five-year plan?" during small talk.
1837.Ask "do you think you'll stay?" to every colleague you meet.
1838.Ask a newly promoted person "do you feel you deserved it?"
1839.Ask someone if they're looking for other jobs based on a rumor.
1840.Spread rumors and then be shocked when you're identified as the source.
1841.Repeat confidential career conversations as general news.
1842.Announce someone's resignation before they've told their own team.
1843.Announce someone's maternity leave before they've shared it.
1844.Announce someone's promotion before the person knows.
1845.Announce someone's demotion as if it's a "restructure."
1846.Describe major layoffs as a "right-sizing exercise" with zero empathy.
1847.Call a redundancy announcement a "talent optimization initiative."
1848.Describe a pay freeze as "pausing compensation reviews."
1849.Call a benefits cut a "benefits refresh."
1850.Call a mandatory return-to-office "an exciting opportunity to reconnect."
1851.Call a clearly reactive policy "a proactive measure."
1852.Use "we" during bad news to create false shared responsibility.
1853.Use "I" when delivering good news to claim credit.
1854.Use the phrase "as a leadership team, we've decided" for a decision that's purely yours.
1855.Start difficult announcements with "I want to be transparent…" and then be opaque.
1856.Say "your voice matters here" right before a decision has already been finalized.
1857.Conduct a staff survey and ignore every finding.
1858.Conduct a focus group and summarize it in a way that contradicts what was said.
1859.Release "key findings" from a staff survey that don't include any findings.
1860.Respond to critical feedback with "we hear you" and do nothing.
1861.Respond to critical feedback with "let's set up a time to discuss" — then cancel.
1862.Respond to an anonymous survey comment by trying to identify who wrote it.
1863.Respond to a negative performance review by criticizing the reviewer.
1864.Add meeting time to someone's calendar to "discuss their feedback."
1865.Conduct performance reviews in a busy open-plan office.
1866.Conduct performance reviews in a glass-walled room everyone can see into.
1867.Conduct performance reviews where the form is 14 pages long.
1868.Conduct a performance review and then change the score after the fact.
1869.Use a performance management system no one knows how to use.
1870.Set OKRs in January and review them in December with no check-ins.
1871.Set OKRs that contradict the direction set by leadership mid-year.
1872.Set goals for someone without involving them in the process.
1873.Set goals that aren't achievable with the resources given.
1874.Set identical goals for every team member regardless of role or seniority.
1875.Measure everything on a five-point scale and only give 3s to avoid conflict.
1876.Give everyone a 5 on everything to seem supportive and avoid accountability.
1877.Write a performance review that only references things that happened in the last two weeks.
1878.Write a performance review that only references one specific event from nine months ago.
1879.Write a glowing verbal review and a neutral written one.
1880.Give conflicting verbal and written feedback with no acknowledgment.
1881.Change performance expectations mid-year and not update the written goals.
1882.Use performance reviews to bring up issues that should have been addressed in real time.
1883.Praise someone publicly and then give them a below-average rating privately.
1884.Criticize someone privately and then defend them publicly to look magnanimous.
1885.Consistently overlook the same high performer in succession planning.
1886.Promote based on likeability rather than performance and deny it.
1887.Design a "high-potential" program and include only people who already have influence.
1888.Run a "future leaders" cohort and fill it with existing leaders' direct reports.
1889.Say "everyone has an equal opportunity here" in a clearly inequitable environment.
1890.Say "we're a meritocracy" when the data is very clear that you aren't.
1891.Respond to equity concerns with "let's be careful not to overcorrect."
1892.Respond to inclusion concerns with "I don't see color/gender/age."
1893.Dismiss diversity data with "I haven't experienced that here."
1894.Implement a diversity initiative that exists solely for the press release.
1895.Celebrate a diversity milestone and then make a hiring decision that contradicts it.
1896.Post about company values on social media and act completely against them internally.
1897.Have company values that nobody can remember and nobody lives.
1898.Require employees to memorize company values for performance reviews.
1899.Add "Integrity" to the company values while doing something clearly unethical.
1900.Add "People First" to the values during a period of significant layoffs.
1901.Write a "how we work" document that describes none of how you actually work.
1902.Display your culture code everywhere except in actual decisions.
1903.Hire a culture consultant and then not implement a single recommendation.
1904.Hold a culture workshop and not change anything that was identified.
1905.Name a culture initiative after a sport metaphor no one understands.
1906.Name your values things like "Hunger," "Grit," and "Heart" with no definitions.
1907.Define company values using only adjectives.
1908.Describe your company culture as "family-like" in a job posting.
1909.Describe a 70-hour work week expectation as "passionate."
1910.Describe a chronically understaffed team as "lean and agile."
1911.Write a job description that requires 10 years of experience for an entry-level salary.
1912.Write a job description with 37 required skills and 1 year of experience.
1913.Write a job description with responsibilities that span four different roles.
1914.Post a job and reject candidates for not having skills that weren't in the posting.
1915.Post a job and let the candidate do two months of free "test work" as a trial.
1916.Have nine rounds of interviews for a junior position.
1917.Have nine rounds of interviews and make the final offer to an internal candidate.
1918.Cancel an interview 10 minutes before with no rescheduling.
1919.Cancel an interview and reschedule — then cancel again.
1920.Send an offer and retract it before the start date.
1921.Give an offer and then change the role before the start date.
1922.Give an offer, let the person resign, and then freeze the headcount.
1923.Hire someone and not tell the team they're coming.
1924.Hire someone and not set up their workspace on day one.
1925.Hire someone and not prepare their accounts, access, or equipment.
1926.Hire someone, onboard them, and then tell them the budget was cut.
1927.Hire someone for a role and then restructure the role out from under them.
1928.Tell someone the role is "evolving" when it's been eliminated.
1929.Ask an employee to "take on additional responsibilities" while their replacement is hired.
1930.Ask someone leaving to train their replacement while still on a PIP.
1931.Ask a departing employee to do a full handover to someone already doing their job.
1932.Ask a departing employee to be "available for questions" after their last day.
1933.Ask a contractor to mentor their own replacement.
1934.Begin an exit interview with "I want you to be completely honest" and then be visibly hurt.
1935.Conduct an exit interview and try to talk the person out of leaving mid-interview.
1936.Conduct an exit interview and offer a raise only when someone is already leaving.
1937.Conduct an exit interview and blame the person for the conditions they're leaving because of.
1938.Conduct an exit interview and share the feedback with the person's manager immediately.
1939.Conduct an exit interview and never act on any of the feedback, ever.
1940.Have a pattern of exit interview feedback that never changes the organization.
1941.Have a pattern of the same manager being cited in every exit interview and not address it.
1942.Respond to a resignation with "this really puts us in a difficult position."
1943.Respond to a resignation with "I'm disappointed."
1944.Respond to a resignation with "after everything we've done for you."
1945.Respond to a resignation by reassigning all their work before they leave.
1946.Respond to a resignation by removing someone's access immediately mid-notice period.
1947.Respond to a resignation by celebrating publicly before the team knows.
1948.Respond to a resignation by announcing it in a way that misrepresents the reason.
1949.Announce a departure without thanking the person.
1950.Announce a departure with a generic "wish them all the best" that sounds like it was drafted by a robot.
1951.Not announce a departure at all, leaving the team confused about who to contact.
1952.Announce a departure and immediately announce who is taking over all responsibilities.
1953.Announce a departure and describe the person as "moving on to an exciting new opportunity" when they were fired.
1954.Announce a departure and describe a resignation as a "mutual decision."
1955.Celebrate a departing person and then never speak of them again.
1956.Remove someone from all communications and shared drives the hour they leave.
1957.Delete someone's email before their out-of-office has finished routing.
1958.Reassign someone's email to their manager without disclosing it.
1959.Keep a departed employee's Slack account active and respond as them.
1960.Redistribute someone's work without redistributing their salary.
1961.Eliminate a role and redistribute the work to three underpaid people.
1962.Call scope expansion "development opportunities."
1963.Call being understaffed "an opportunity to show leadership."
1964.Call doing two jobs "gaining breadth of experience."
1965.Recognize "going above and beyond" with words, never with compensation.
1966.Add a certificate to "going above and beyond" instead of a bonus.
1967.Put "employee of the month" on a trophy and then reuse the trophy.
1968.Offer a gift card for employee of the month worth less than the nominee's hourly rate.
1969.Give an annual award and then forget to announce it that year.
1970.Announce a team award and get the winner's name wrong in the announcement.
1971.Announce a team award to the wrong team.
1972.Give a team award to only the team leader and not the team.
1973.Give recognition during an all-company call and visibly skip certain people.
1974.Give recognition that focuses entirely on outcomes and never on the effort.
1975.Give recognition that's so general it could apply to anyone.
1976.Give recognition that's actually a list of complaints reframed as compliments.
1977.Frame cutting a team benefit as "a chance to recognize what really matters."
1978.Frame a return-to-office policy as "reinvesting in our culture."
1979.Frame monitoring software as "supporting your productivity."
1980.Install monitoring software and tell no one.
1981.Install monitoring software and deny it when asked.
1982.Use keystroke data in a performance review without disclosing its collection.
1983.Track idle time on computers and send weekly reports to managers.
1984.Use location data from building access badges to track bathroom break frequency.
1985.Set calendar reminders for people when they've been away from their desk for 20 minutes.
1986.Message someone with "everything okay?" two minutes after their status shows idle.
1987.Ask someone to explain a gap in their laptop activity log.
1988.Schedule a meeting to "check in" that is clearly a monitoring exercise.
1989.Ask employees to fill out hourly logs of what they worked on.
1990.Require minute-by-minute time-tracking in 6-minute billing increments.
1991.Reject a time sheet because the 15-minute client call was entered as 0.25 hours, not two 0.1s and one 0.05.
1992.Change the time-tracking system every year.
1993.Change expense systems every 18 months.
1994.Move the entire company to a new project management tool without training anyone.
1995.Choose new tools based on what the CEO read about in a newsletter.
1996.Choose tools based on a free trial you loved but which the team finds unusable.
1997.Force a software migration in Q4 during the busiest period.
1998.Roll out a new tool to the whole company before testing it with one team.
1999.Announce a tool as "mandatory" and then provide no training.
2000.Provide tool training as a 47-minute video from 2019.
2001.Provide tool training that uses a demo version, not the actual production tool.
2002.Provide access to a tool and revoke it mid-project due to a licensing issue.
2003.Share one license across a 15-person team and wonder why it's slow.
2004.Roll out a platform and don't migrate any of the old data.
2005.Roll out a platform with last year's org chart.
2006.Roll out a platform with the wrong people in the wrong teams.
2007.Launch an internal tool that was supposed to replace email but requires email to use.
2008.Implement a "paperless office" policy and immediately print the policy.
2009.Implement an "always-on" culture strategy after sending out a burnout survey.
2010.Implement a mental health initiative after a round of layoffs.
2011.Send a company-wide "wellness Wednesday" email the day after a salary freeze announcement.
2012.Announce a free fruit delivery scheme on the same day benefits are cut.
2013.Install a ping-pong table the week after a pay freeze.
2014.Install a Foosball table and call it a culture investment.
2015.Install a meditation room that's immediately repurposed as a storage room.
2016.Install a quiet room and then schedule a series of loud "innovation sessions" in it.
2017.Install a nap room and book it out for meetings.
2018.Install a phone booth and use it as a private office permanently.
2019.Install a collaboration space and gate it behind a booking system with a 5-week lead time.
2020.Add a "wellness budget" as a benefit and make it so hard to claim that no one does.
2021.Add a learning & development budget capped at $50 per year.
2022.Add a learning & development budget and then require all courses to be pre-approved by a committee.
2023.Reimburse learning & development expenses 11 months after they're submitted.
2024.Require employees to repay training costs if they leave within two years — including mandatory compliance training.
2025.Run a company hackathon and own all intellectual property produced.
2026.Run an "innovation challenge" and not implement any winning ideas.
2027.Run a cost-saving ideas campaign and not share any of the savings with contributors.
2028.Ask employees to submit ideas and then release them under the company brand six months later.
2029.Ask employees for feedback and then use the data to identify the critics.
2030.Run a 360 feedback process and use the results to justify pre-existing conclusions.
2031.Conduct a 360 and share results selectively with the employee's manager.
2032.Tell people feedback is anonymous and then ask "curious, did you fill in the survey?"
2033.Promise change, deliver a committee, and call it progress.
2034.Forward this entire list to the entire company with the subject line: "Just saying."
2035.Book a 5 a.m. flight for a domestic trip that could have been a video call.
2036.Book the middle seat on a 6-hour flight and immediately recline fully.
2037.Book the window seat, take the aisle armrest, and never move for the whole flight.
2038.Book a flight and change it four times before departure.
2039.Book a flight in economy and then expense a same-day upgrade to business class.
2040.Expense the most expensive airport lounge and call it "productivity."
2041.Expense a $60 airport cocktail and describe it as a "client entertainment" meal.
2042.Expense items that clearly aren't business-related and submit with no explanation.
2043.Expense a personal weekend extension to a business trip.
2044.Submit expenses with receipts in a foreign language and no annotation.
2045.Submit expenses six months after the trip.
2046.Submit expenses without receipts and argue about it with finance.
2047.Bring checked luggage for a one-night trip.
2048.Bring carry-on luggage so large it cannot physically fit in the overhead bin.
2049.Hoist a bag into the overhead bin that clearly belongs under the seat.
2050.Ask the person in the aisle seat to move every 45 minutes on a 3-hour flight.
2051.Eat an extremely pungent meal on a full plane.
2052.Open a bag of chips during takeoff — slowly.
2053.Clip your fingernails on the plane.
2054.Take your shoes off on the plane immediately at cruising altitude.
2055.Put your socked feet up on the armrest in front of you.
2056.Fall asleep and sprawl entirely into the neighboring seat.
2057.Snore loudly for the entire flight and deny it on landing.
2058.Watch a movie on full brightness on a night flight with no headphones.
2059.Play mobile games at maximum volume at 2 a.m. on a redeye.
2060.Insist on talking to the person next to you for a six-hour flight.
2061.Talk loudly on a call at the gate until the very last boarding call.
2062.Be the absolute last person to board and act surprised there's no overhead space.
2063.Book a window seat and ask the aisle passenger to move so you can sit there.
2064.Stand up the second the plane lands and immediately open the overhead bin.
2065.Block the aisle for 10 minutes collecting your bags when people behind you need to exit.
2066.Jump multiple rows to exit the plane and then wait at baggage claim anyway.
2067.Check your corporate card balance out loud at the airport.
2068.Describe your airline status to anyone within earshot.
2069.Describe your hotel points program in detail unprompted.
2070.Book a hotel 45 minutes from the meeting venue to save $18.
2071.Book a hotel that has no Wi-Fi and act shocked at the morning standup.
2072.Book a hotel room adjoining the team's and then be audibly on calls all night.
2073.Book the team into a hotel with one shared bathroom between four rooms.
2074.Show up to the hotel and request a room upgrade at full volume.
2075.Complain loudly about the hotel on behalf of everyone without asking.
2076.Call the front desk repeatedly throughout the night with complaints.
2077.Leave a hotel review that mentions coworkers by name unfavorably.
2078.Use the hotel gym at 5 a.m. and describe it loudly at breakfast.
2079.Describe every meal you eat on a work trip in real-time on the team Slack.
2080.Expense the hotel minibar entirely.
2081.Expense every meal for two on a solo trip.
2082.Expense a restaurant that costs three times the per diem allowance.
2083.Expense a spa treatment as "wellness."
2084.Expense dry cleaning for clothes that weren't worn on the trip.
2085.Return from a trip and describe the whole experience in a 40-minute debrief no one asked for.
2086.Return from a trip and bring back novelty gifts that take 20 minutes to distribute.
2087.Return from a trip and hand out foreign candy while narrating your whole itinerary.
2088.Return from a trip sick and tell everyone immediately and in great detail.
2089.Return from a trip and complain that nothing was done correctly in your absence.
2090.Miss a return flight and require the team to reschedule everything.
2091.Miss a return flight because you extended the trip without telling anyone.
2092.Lose your work laptop abroad and not report it for three days.
2093.Use the company travel portal and then book personally "because it was cheaper" — it wasn't.
2094.Ignore the company travel policy completely and then ask finance to make an exception.
2095.Book everything outside the travel portal and then dispute the out-of-policy surcharge.
2096.Ask someone else to book your travel and then complain about every detail.
2097.Book business-class flights when the policy is economy and say "it was worth it."
2098.Book a trip and cancel it 24 hours before, incurring the non-refundable fee.
2099.Book a non-refundable trip and then need to cancel it.
2100.Book a trip for a conference and skip all the sessions.
2101.Attend a conference and spend every session in the hallway on your laptop.
2102.Attend a conference and come back with 47 business cards and no actionable learnings.
2103.Attend a conference and spend the company's learning budget at the merchandise stand.
2104.Attend a conference and bring back only branded tote bags and pens.
2105.Come back from a conference convinced you need to pivot the company.
2106.Come back from a conference and implement everything you heard without telling anyone.
2107.Attend a conference and live-tweet every panel in a way that embarrasses the company.
2108.Attend a conference and represent the company in a way that requires a follow-up email.
2109.Attend a conference and put competitor slides in the company shared drive.
2110.Attend a conference and forget to save a single receipt.
2111.Attend a conference and expense your conference social event bar tab as "team entertainment."
2112.Expense a team dinner that only included you.
2113.List yourself as a speaker on a conference agenda you were only attending.
2114.Return from a trip and immediately announce you need to go on another one.
2115.Talk at full volume in every environment, including libraries and quiet zones.
2116.Have a laugh that carries through three floors of the building.
2117.Laugh at something on your screen and explain the joke to everyone nearby.
2118.Laugh at the same thing every 15 minutes, each time as if discovering it fresh.
2119.Watch compilation videos on your phone and wheeze-laugh silently but still audibly.
2120.Use a text-to-speech app to read your emails aloud at your desk.
2121.Use voice memos for everything and play them back on speaker.
2122.Listen to true crime podcasts on loud speaker during lunch.
2123.Listen to an audiobook at a volume where the narrator is vaguely audible.
2124.Listen to a sports talk radio at your desk without headphones.
2125.Listen to a radio station from your home country at full volume.
2126.Listen to comedy podcasts and react so loudly people can't concentrate.
2127.Listen to motivational content that shouts affirmations at high volume.
2128.Keep your keyboard click sounds on for every typed letter on a touchscreen.
2129.Use a clicky keyboard with no awareness of volume in a silent open-plan office.
2130.Use Cherry MX Blue switches and defend your right to do so aggressively.
2131.Mash keys loudly when frustrated.
2132.Slam the space bar continuously while thinking.
2133.Hit the backspace key like it personally offended you.
2134.Type in short frantic bursts that sound like morse code.
2135.Drag your chair on a hard floor instead of lifting it.
2136.Scrape your chair back and forth all day.
2137.Rock your chair so it creaks rhythmically for hours.
2138.Bounce so hard in your chair that the floor vibrates.
2139.Tap your foot against a desk leg all day.
2140.Tap your finger on the desk in a rhythm you find soothing.
2141.Drum complex rhythms on every surface while thinking.
2142.Drum on the desk during calls as though you're keeping time to music only you can hear.
2143.Tap your pen on a glass surface repeatedly.
2144.Click a retractable pen at a rate of approximately once per second for hours.
2145.Use a fidget spinner that makes noise.
2146.Use stress balls that squeak.
2147.Use a noisy desk toy to "help you focus."
2148.Play with a Newton's cradle on your desk all day.
2149.Keep desk toys that make noise when touched, and touch them constantly.
2150.Play white noise through your computer speakers to focus, instead of headphones.
2151.Play lo-fi beats through a small Bluetooth speaker in an open office.
2152.Play binaural beats on speaker during focus hours.
2153.Play nature sounds — rain, ocean waves — on speaker on calls.
2154.Play nature sounds so loudly the neighbors can hear the birds.
2155.Hum constantly at just the right frequency to become a background drone.
2156.Whistle intermittently and off-key.
2157.Whistle the same 4-bar hook from a song 80 times a day.
2158.Sing under your breath but not quietly enough.
2159.Sing out loud and then stop abruptly when someone looks over.
2160.Beatbox quietly at your desk while reading.
2161.Mouth every word you read so your lips are always moving silently.
2162.Mutter at your screen throughout the day.
2163.Talk to your computer when it runs slowly, at full audible volume.
2164.Swear loudly at your computer and then look around like no one heard.
2165.Sigh so deeply and frequently it sounds like a respiratory condition.
2166.Exhale sharply through your nose while concentrating.
2167.Sniff loudly every 45 seconds for weeks without addressing it.
2168.Breathe heavily when walking short distances.
2169.Breathe heavily when carrying anything, including a coffee cup.
2170.Clear your throat explosively without warning repeatedly throughout the day.
2171.Do throat-clearing noises that sound like a large engine starting.
2172.Cough once loudly every 20 minutes, all day, every day.
2173.Sneeze with the force and volume of a car crash.
2174.Follow every sneeze with a long groan of personal satisfaction.
2175.Sneeze and then narrate it: "whew, that was a big one."
2176.Sneeze and then immediately ask if anyone has a tissue.
2177.Have your phone receive notifications with a unique sound for every app.
2178.Allow every calendar notification to make a sound — for both creation and upcoming alerts.
2179.Have a custom notification sound that is a snippet of a popular song.
2180.Allow group chat notifications to pile up audibly at 6 a.m.
2181.Leave your Outlook "new mail" sound on and receive 200 emails per day.
2182.Leave the sound on for every Teams or Slack message, including GIFs.
2183.Leave your computer locked with audio notifications still ringing.
2184.Leave your desk for two hours while your computer pings relentlessly.
2185.Leave a phone on a desk ringing for extended periods while you're away.
2186.Have a Bluetooth speaker that plays a connection sound every time it connects.
2187.Have a Bluetooth speaker that disconnects and reconnects repeatedly.
2188.Have a printer that beeps 11 times before printing a single page.
2189.Have a printer near your desk and print constantly, one page at a time.
2190.Print one page, wait three minutes, print one more page, indefinitely.
2191.Stand at the printer and talk to whoever is near it continuously.
2192.Use a standing desk that has a motor that hums at high frequency.
2193.Use a desk fan that rattles on its highest setting.
2194.Leave a desk fan running all night so colleagues arrive to a buzzing office in the morning.
2195.Ask for IT help for something covered in the first FAQ on the intranet.
2196.Submit an IT ticket saying "my computer is broken" with no further details.
2197.Submit an IT ticket and then be unavailable for the entire resolution window.
2198.Submit an IT ticket marked "critical" for a non-functional wallpaper.
2199.Submit a ticket, get it resolved, and immediately reopen it for a new issue in the same ticket.
2200.Submit the same IT ticket four times across different channels simultaneously.
2201.Tell IT it's "probably just a software thing" every time.
2202.Tell IT you "didn't change anything" right before they discover you installed 11 browser extensions.
2203.Insist your computer problems are "definitely a hardware issue" with no basis.
2204.Insist IT's solution didn't work before actually trying it.
2205.Try IT's solution once, fail, and declare it impossible.
2206.Not try IT's solution and claim you've tried everything.
2207.Uninstall something critical because it was "taking up space."
2208.Install software that wasn't approved and wonder why things stopped working.
2209.Use a personal USB drive on a corporate machine and introduce a virus.
2210.Click a phishing link and not report it.
2211.Click a phishing link, report it, and then click another one a week later.
2212.Use "password123" as your password after a cybersecurity training.
2213.Use your pet's name as every single password.
2214.Write all your passwords on a sticky note on your monitor.
2215.Share your password with three people "to make things easier."
2216.Share your login credentials with an intern "temporarily."
2217.Share your login credentials with a contractor who no longer works there.
2218.Not update your password for three years despite regular prompts.
2219.Get locked out of every system simultaneously once a month.
2220.Get locked out and ask IT to reset everything at 8:50 a.m. right before a client call.
2221.Get locked out and ask a colleague to log in on your behalf.
2222.Log into a colleague's account "just to check one thing."
2223.Turn off automatic updates on your work laptop.
2224.Delay system updates for so long your machine becomes a security liability.
2225.Force a system restart at the worst possible moment by ignoring update reminders.
2226.Run 47 applications simultaneously and wonder why the machine is slow.
2227.Have 2,400 browser tabs open permanently.
2228.Download every browser extension that sounds useful and use none of them.
2229.Download a toolbar from a website in 2024.
2230.Use Internet Explorer by choice.
2231.Refuse to use the recommended browser because "I prefer this one."
2232.Have a home screen so cluttered with icons it looks like a connect-the-dots puzzle.
2233.Save everything to the desktop and then complain about computer performance.
2234.Store your entire work life in the Downloads folder.
2235.Name every file "Document" with no further description.
2236.Name a file "final" and save 12 versions of it with no differentiation.
2237.Use spaces in all file names.
2238.Use special characters in all file names and be surprised when they don't transfer.
2239.Upload 4GB attachments directly to email.
2240.Send links to files that only exist on your local drive.
2241.Send a file path that only works on your machine.
2242.Send a ZIP file with no explanation of what's inside.
2243.Send a file and then immediately send a "don't open the last file" email.
2244.Send the wrong file to the wrong person and then say "just delete it."
2245.Send a file containing more files, one of which contains more files.
2246.Forward an email chain 7 levels deep without summarizing the issue.
2247.Reply to a very long chain with "can you resend as a clean email?"
2248.Use tracked changes and leave hundreds of minor formatting edits unresolved.
2249.Accept all tracked changes in a document without reviewing any of them.
2250.Accept your own changes from two drafts ago that were supposed to be deleted.
2251.Add comments to a document that say only "?" — no context.
2252.Add a comment to a shared document in the middle of the night and resolve it yourself before morning.
2253.Use Google Docs offline and let sync create 34 conflicting versions.
2254.Edit a document while someone else is presenting it via screen share.
2255.Delete an entire section of a shared document without explanation.
2256.Undo your own deletion and reintroduce an error in the same motion.
2257.Turn on screen reader on a shared computer for no reason.
2258.Set the system language to something no one else understands on a shared machine.
2259.Set the keyboard to DVORAK on a shared machine.
2260.Enable accessibility zoom on a shared computer so everything is 300%.
2261.Leave Sticky Notes all over the shared computer desktop.
2262.Leave your own calendar open on a shared screen so notifications pop up in full view.
2263.Use a shared screen to accidentally reveal personal browser history.
2264.Enable browser autofill on a shared computer.
2265.Leave auto-translate on in a shared browser.
2266.Use Google Translate to respond to an important client email without flagging it.
2267.Reply to a client in the wrong language.
2268.Reply to a client in the right language but with completely incorrect machine translation.
2269.CC an entire company list when responding to one person's email.
2270.Use Reply All to send a very personal message intended for one person.
2271.Send a Slack DM to a public channel by mistake.
2272.Share an internal memo in an external Slack channel by mistake.
2273.Post internal pricing in a client-facing Slack channel.
2274.Deny any of the above mistakes ever happened.
2275.Use 3D bar charts for everything, making data unreadable.
2276.Use pie charts with 23 segments.
2277.Use donut charts and describe them as "innovative."
2278.Use a gauge chart where a simple number would suffice.
2279.Use a word cloud as the primary data visualization in a business review.
2280.Present a graph with no axis labels.
2281.Present a graph with no title.
2282.Present a graph with units so small they can't be read from across a table.
2283.Present a graph where the Y-axis doesn't start at zero, dramatically exaggerating trends.
2284.Present a graph where the Y-axis does start at zero, flattening every trend.
2285.Use color coding in graphs but choose red and green for an audience that includes colorblind people.
2286.Use 12 shades of blue in one chart without a legend.
2287.Choose chart colors that become invisible when printed in black and white.
2288.Present data using a chart type that requires 15 minutes to explain.
2289.Present a data table with 47 columns and no highlighting.
2290.Present a table so wide it requires horizontal scrolling on every device.
2291.Paste raw Excel data into a PowerPoint slide with all gridlines intact.
2292.Paste a screenshot of a spreadsheet instead of recreating it as a slide.
2293.Present data with no source attribution.
2294.Present data from a source that no longer exists.
2295.Present data that's three years old as current.
2296.Present data from a sample size of 4 as statistically significant.
2297.Present data from an internal survey as independent research.
2298.Present a percentage without clarifying what it's a percentage of.
2299.Present a graph that shows 110% performance without acknowledging the mathematical issue.
2300.Present forecasts as facts.
2301.Present targets as achievements.
2302.Present aspirational statements as data.
2303.Present anecdotes as trends.
2304.Present a single outlier as the core finding.
2305.Present correlations as causations with extreme confidence.
2306.Present cherry-picked time frames that support your argument exclusively.
2307.Present a line graph starting at a cherry-picked date that removes all context.
2308.Present quarterly data as annual data without noting the difference.
2309.Present revenue without presenting costs.
2310.Present growth rate without presenting base figures.
2311.Present market share without noting the market definition.
2312.Define your own market narrowly enough that you're always number one.
2313.Define TAM, SAM, and SOM on the same slide with conflicting numbers.
2314.Define a KPI differently in every report.
2315.Use "users," "customers," "clients," and "accounts" interchangeably with no note.
2316.Present a dashboard with 80 metrics and no priorities.
2317.Present a dashboard where every metric is red and offer no explanation.
2318.Present a dashboard where every metric is green and offer no critical analysis.
2319.Present competitor data that was scraped from their website careers page.
2320.Present a competitor "analysis" that's a table with question marks in the competitor columns.
2321.Present a SWOT analysis where every strength is vague and every threat is dismissed.
2322.Present a SWOT analysis with 14 strengths and zero weaknesses.
2323.Present a risk register where every risk has a mitigation of "to be determined."
2324.Present a project plan in a font only visible on a 65-inch monitor.
2325.Present a Gantt chart that spans 11 pages and explain it all verbally.
2326.Present a dependency diagram that looks like a bowl of spaghetti.
2327.Present an org chart in size 5 font on a single slide.
2328.Present a roadmap with every item listed as "Q3" with no further detail.
2329.Present a roadmap from last year without updating it.
2330.Present a budget with no comparison to actuals.
2331.Present actuals without presenting the budget.
2332.Present a budget that includes a line for "miscellaneous" that is 40% of the total.
2333.Present a financial model with circular references that make it produce different results on every open.
2334.Present a financial model built entirely on assumptions that are never disclosed.
2335.Build a financial model in one tab with 94 columns and share it as a screenshot.
2336.Build a financial model and delete the source data.
2337.Send a financial model locked with a password you've forgotten.
2338.Send an Excel file saved in compatibility mode so all formulas break.
2339.Send a CSV with inconsistent delimiter formatting.
2340.Send a CSV where currency symbols are embedded in number fields.
2341.Send a spreadsheet where dates are formatted differently in every row.
2342.Send a spreadsheet where half the "numbers" are stored as text.
2343.Send a "final" spreadsheet that has a tab named "don't look at this."
2344.Leave developer comments in a spreadsheet sent to a client.
2345.Book a meeting room for 2 people in a room that seats 20.
2346.Book a meeting room and use it alone for 3 hours to eat your lunch quietly.
2347.Book a meeting room for a phone call that could happen at your desk.
2348.Book a meeting room and then let the meeting spill onto the floor outside.
2349.Take over a meeting room that's clearly being used by standing in the doorway until people leave.
2350.Knock on a meeting room glass every 10 minutes while it's booked, to check if people are leaving.
2351.Camp outside a meeting room and rush in before the previous group has packed up.
2352.Use a meeting room that you didn't book because "it looked empty."
2353.Not vacate a meeting room even when the next booking is clearly waiting outside.
2354.Not vacate a meeting room and require the next group to awkwardly ask you to leave.
2355.Leave a meeting room with all chairs disarranged.
2356.Leave a meeting room with food wrappers on the table.
2357.Leave a meeting room with whiteboard scribblings and no erasing.
2358.Leave a meeting room with the projector still on.
2359.Leave a meeting room with a sticky note wall that no one clears for months.
2360.Leave a meeting room with the HDMI cable disconnected and shoved behind the TV.
2361.Leave a meeting room with the conference phone cable unplugged and tangled.
2362.Leave a meeting room with an unknown number still on hold on the conference phone.
2363.Leave confidential documents scattered on the table in a glass-walled meeting room.
2364.Leave the meeting room TV on a personal streaming service when you're done.
2365.Leave the air conditioning in a meeting room at maximum, for the next group.
2366.Leave the blinds in a meeting room fully open, pointing into the sun.
2367.Adjust the room temperature to your preference and leave it for others.
2368.Leave a meeting room where every marker cap is off and every marker is dried out.
2369.Use a whiteboard marker on a non-whiteboard surface.
2370.Write on the glass wall with a marker "by accident."
2371.Use permanent marker instead of whiteboard marker and not tell anyone.
2372.Write on a whiteboard over someone else's content without checking if it's needed.
2373.Erase a whiteboard diagram that was being photographed.
2374.Photograph a confidential whiteboard session and accidentally share it publicly.
2375.Take a photo of the meeting room whiteboard to avoid writing up notes, and then lose the photo.
2376.Claim you "photographed the board" as your meeting recap, with no further notes.
2377.Share a photo of a whiteboard that's so reflective nothing is readable.
2378.Arrive at a meeting room and spend 10 minutes locating the correct remote.
2379.Locate the remote and find it has no batteries.
2380.Find the batteries and discover the TV input cycle takes 4 minutes to loop through.
2381.Set up the screen share and find the laptop won't connect to the display.
2382.Find the right adapter for the display and discover the cable is too short.
2383.Find a longer cable, connect it, and discover the resolution is wrong.
2384.Fix the resolution, begin the meeting, and discover the volume doesn't work.
2385.Fix the volume and find that the mic for the room phone doesn't work.
2386.Fix the mic and then not be able to screen share again.
2387.Spend 18 minutes of a 30-minute meeting troubleshooting tech.
2388.Call IT into the room and fix it in 30 seconds while looking clueless.
2389.Fix the tech issue after the meeting has ended and point it out to no one.
2390.Bring the wrong adapter and borrow someone's without asking.
2391.Borrow a cable from a meeting room and not return it.
2392.Walk into a meeting room carrying cables pulled from other rooms.
2393.Use the display connection from a different meeting room and not replace it.
2394.Remove a piece of equipment from a meeting room because "we needed it."
2395.Move the webcam in a meeting room and leave it pointed at the ceiling.
2396.Unplug the conference phone and coil the cord around the room.
2397.Leave a half-built IKEA furniture piece in a meeting room "temporarily."
2398.Use a meeting room to store boxes "for an afternoon" and not retrieve them for three weeks.
2399.Store a broken office chair in a meeting room for four months.
2400.Put old newspapers, plants, or storage in meeting rooms to reduce available space.
2401.Store personal items in meeting rooms without telling anyone.
2402.Block a meeting room booking with a maintenance request that never happens.
2403.Mark a meeting room as "out of service" for a week because of a minor issue.
2404.Report a meeting room as needing cleaning and not clean it yourself.
2405.Eat an entire hot meal in a meeting room before your meeting starts.
2406.Heat your meal and eat it in the meeting room right before a client meeting.
2407.Leave your empty cup, plate, and cutlery in a meeting room.
2408.Bring a large group snack into a meeting room and eat it all before the others arrive.
2409.Bring noisy snacks to every meeting without exception.
2410.Bring a blender to a meeting room to make a smoothie before the call starts.
2411.Use the meeting room sink — if there is one — for personal food prep.
2412.Leave a strong-smelling candle in a meeting room.
2413.Use a meeting room for personal phone calls, crying, or napping.
2414.Use a meeting room for a job interview — for someone else's job — on your lunch break.
2415.Take over every shared document and reformat it immediately.
2416.Reformat a shared document the day before a deadline.
2417.Change the structure of a shared document without discussing it with anyone.
2418.Move sections of a shared document and not tell anyone where they went.
2419.Delete a section of a shared document and say it "wasn't adding value."
2420.Add yourself as an owner to a shared document you didn't create.
2421.Share a document as "Anyone with the link — can edit" organization-wide.
2422.Share a document externally when it should have stayed internal.
2423.Remove someone's edit access to a document they created.
2424.Add a new version of a document to a shared folder without removing the old one.
2425.Create a shared folder and immediately re-create the exact same folder system inside it.
2426.Duplicate a shared folder and work in the wrong copy.
2427.Move shared files to a "better location" without telling anyone.
2428.Rename shared files without tracking what they used to be called.
2429.Merge two folders that were separate for a reason.
2430.Archive a shared folder mid-project.
2431.Create a shared folder for a project and add everyone in the company.
2432.Share a file with 50 people and then restrict access after 2 days.
2433.Send a notification email to every person in a shared folder every time you make a change.
2434.Enable all document notifications and react to everything within seconds.
2435.Reject every suggestion in a Google Doc without leaving an explanation.
2436.Accept all suggestions including ones you shouldn't have approved.
2437.Leave a Google Doc in "suggesting" mode and have changes pile up for a month.
2438.Leave conflicting comments in a shared doc without resolving the thread.
2439.Assign comments to people without asking them.
2440.Assign every comment in a shared doc to one person.
2441.Leave comments on a shared document and then go on vacation for two weeks.
2442.Resolve every comment in a document to "clean it up" before anyone has addressed them.
2443.Create a shared template and modify it for a specific project, ruining it for everyone else.
2444.Save a completed project document over the blank template.
2445.Use a template and forget to replace the placeholder text before sending.
2446.Use someone else's completed document as your template, including their client's name.
2447.Create a Notion page, a Confluence page, a Google Doc, and a Word doc for the same thing.
2448.Duplicate the project management board into five different tools simultaneously.
2449.Use a spreadsheet as a database, a database as a spreadsheet, and a document as both.
2450.Use a task management tool as a chat app.
2451.Use a chat app as a task management tool.
2452.Use email as a project management system.
2453.Use a project management system and only update it after things are done.
2454.Update task statuses to "complete" before they're actually complete.
2455.Create a new project board every month and never migrate the old one.
2456.Leave a project board with tasks from 2021 still marked as "in progress."
2457.Create subtasks for every item and make the board impossible to navigate.
2458.Add new columns to a project board without telling anyone what they mean.
2459.Delete a column from a project board and lose all the cards in it.
2460.Move a task from "done" back to "in progress" without explaining why.
2461.Mark someone else's task as complete when it wasn't.
2462.Mark your own tasks complete before doing them.
2463.Assign tasks to yourself that belong to someone else.
2464.Assign tasks to others without discussing it first.
2465.Assign a task with a due date that's already passed.
2466.Assign a task with no due date and then ask for it urgently.
2467.Add dependencies to tasks that don't have dependencies.
2468.Remove dependencies that do exist.
2469.Block a whole project on one task labeled "check with management."
2470.Block a task on another task assigned to yourself and forget about both.
2471.Put every task in the highest priority category.
2472.Put every task as "no priority" to avoid being held accountable.
2473.Change every task's priority daily.
2474.Change the project deadline in the tool without telling the team.
2475.Set milestone dates that don't align with the project plan.
2476.Create milestones with no tasks linked to them.
2477.Change the project plan the day before a milestone review.
2478.Add a task to "this sprint" on the last day of the sprint.
2479.Add a task to the backlog that's already been completed.
2480.Add tasks that are actually meetings as project deliverables.
2481.Add a recurring task as a one-time item and wonder why it never gets done.
2482.Close the project board before the project is complete.
2483.Archive a project board with open items.
2484.Never archive old project boards, so the workspace has 200 active boards.
2485.Use @everyone for a task comment that applies only to yourself.
2486.Use @here in a Slack channel of 800 people for a minor question.
2487.Tag 15 people in a comment when 1 person needs to see it.
2488.Tag a coworker in a comment and then immediately Slack them about the comment.
2489.Tag someone in a comment, get no reply, and then tag them again in a new comment.
2490.Leave unanswered tags in comments for weeks and then ping for updates.
2491.Tag people in tasks they're not responsible for so "they stay in the loop."
2492.Remove someone from the loop right before their piece of work becomes relevant.
2493.CC people on everything and then complain about information overload.
2494.Centralize all information in one place that only you have access to.
2495.Come to the office on the days everyone else is working from home.
2496.Work from home on the one day everyone is required in the office.
2497.Work from home and use it as an excuse to be unreachable all day.
2498.Work from home and send more messages than anyone in the office.
2499.Work from home and require everyone to answer in real time as if they're in the same room.
2500.Work from home and hold calls all day with no consideration for the noise it creates for housemates.
2501.Work from home and leave pets/kids/TVs clearly audible on every single call.
2502.Work from home and conduct every call in a room with an echo.
2503.Work from home and never adjust your background lighting.
2504.Work from home in a dark room and look like a shadowy figure for every call.
2505.Work from home on a bad connection and never get a better one.
2506.Work from home and refuse to turn on video, ever.
2507.Work from home and eat full meals on camera during meetings.
2508.Work from home and type loudly with no attempt to lower volume on mic.
2509.Work from home and conduct calls from a different room in the house without warning.
2510.Work from home and move between the garden, kitchen, and sofa while on calls.
2511.Work from home and then deny working from home when called.
2512.Work from home three more days than the policy allows and not mention it.
2513.Work from home and run personal errands between 9–5 while claiming to be working.
2514.Work from home and send all your messages in two big batches: 9 a.m. and 5 p.m.
2515.Come into the office and spend the whole day on video calls with your headphones in.
2516.Come into the office and work in isolation all day with no interaction.
2517.Come into the office and loudly announce why working from home is better.
2518.Come into the office on a different day every week with no pattern.
2519.Come into the office and immediately negotiate to go home because it's "too loud."
2520.Come into the office and insist on recreating your entire home setup, including monitor, keyboard, mouse, and chair.
2521.Come into the office and refuse to sit anywhere except your exact preferred desk.
2522.Come into the office in a hot desk environment and claim a permanent desk immediately.
2523.Come into the office and leave your belongings at a desk you visit once a week.
2524.Come into the office and make a round of coffees for only the people you like.
2525.Work in a hybrid model and hold all key decisions during in-person days so remote colleagues miss them.
2526.Work in a hybrid model and build stronger relationships with in-office people visibly.
2527.Work in a hybrid model and schedule social events exclusively on office days.
2528.Work in a hybrid model and make remote workers feel like second-class citizens subtly.
2529.Work in a hybrid model and say "you had to be there" about every in-person event.
2530.Work in a hybrid model and have in-person sidebar conversations that affect the project without documenting them.
2531.Work in a hybrid model and make all whiteboard sessions impossible to participate in remotely.
2532.Work in a hybrid model and never send the camera feed of the room to remote callers.
2533.Work in a hybrid model and point a camera at the ceiling for hybrid meeting participants.
2534.Work in a hybrid model and use a single room mic that only picks up voices within 2 feet.
2535.Work in a hybrid model and have one person speak for the whole room without polling it.
2536.Work in a hybrid model and vote on room decisions before the remote people can weigh in.
2537.Work in a hybrid model and mute the room when remote people speak so the room can have a side chat.
2538.Work in a hybrid model and have loud hallway conversations immediately after a hybrid meeting that the remote person can partly hear and is clearly about the meeting.
2539.Treat in-office colleagues as more trustworthy than remote ones without examining why.
2540.Refer to remote workers as "the remote people" as a category.
2541.Call remote workers "invisible" jokingly but mean it.
2542.Express mild surprise that a remote worker is "still here" at 6 p.m.
2543.Assume a remote worker is working less simply because they're not visible.
2544.Monitor a remote worker's online status more intensely than in-office workers' whereabouts.
2545.Message a remote worker because their status went offline for 3 minutes.
2546.Make remote workers justify their productivity more than in-office employees.
2547.Require remote workers to have video on all day as proof of presence.
2548.Require remote workers to log their hours while in-office staff doesn't.
2549.Refer to remote work as a "perk" in a post-pandemic hybrid environment.
2550.Announce a return-to-office policy via an all-company email with 2 weeks' notice.
2551.Announce a return-to-office policy and not include leadership in the requirement.
2552.Announce a return-to-office policy and then continue to work from home yourself.
2553.Enforce return-to-office differently for different teams with no explanation.
2554.Enforce return-to-office and not provide enough desks.
2555.Enforce return-to-office and provide no lockers for personal items.
2556.Enforce return-to-office and reduce the number of available meeting rooms.
2557.Enforce return-to-office and not update the building access systems in time.
2558.Enforce return-to-office and provide no parking plan.
2559.Enforce return-to-office and make public transport the "recommended" option without reimbursement.
2560.Mandate office attendance for a collaboration initiative and fill every day with individual focus work.
2561.Mandate office attendance and then cancel the all-hands that justified it.
2562.Mandate office attendance and spend your day in back-to-back calls with your headphones in.
2563.Mandate office attendance and sit in a different location to the team every day.
2564.Mandate office attendance and then announce you're moving to fully remote next quarter.
2565.Submit expenses in a currency different from the one specified by finance.
2566.Submit expenses with photos of receipts so blurry they're unreadable.
2567.Submit expenses from a personal account and describe them as company costs.
2568.Submit expenses for someone else's meal and claim it was a business dinner.
2569.Submit dinner expenses for two with no second name and the note "client."
2570.Submit bar expenses on the same receipt as a client dinner and hope no one notices.
2571.Submit one large expense with no line-item breakdown.
2572.Submit expenses in batches of €499 to stay under the approval threshold.
2573.Submit a mileage claim at a rate three times the policy rate.
2574.Submit a mileage claim for a journey you didn't take.
2575.Submit a mileage claim for a personal trip "while I was on the way."
2576.Submit expenses quarterly because "I keep forgetting" — always during the busiest finance period.
2577.Submit expenses from last fiscal year in January with no explanation.
2578.Submit expenses from a trip that happened before you joined the company.
2579.Submit expenses using a receipt you found on the floor.
2580.Request a company credit card and immediately use it for personal purchases.
2581.Request a company credit card increase every quarter.
2582.Spend to the limit of a company card and then request an emergency increase.
2583.Lose a company card and not report it for two weeks.
2584.Lose a company card and then dispute the charges on it as fraudulent.
2585.Ask finance to "just process it this time" for out-of-policy expenses.
2586.Appeal every expense rejection to your manager.
2587.Ask your manager to "just approve it" after finance has declined it.
2588.Get your manager to approve an expense and then re-submit to a different approver.
2589.Go to a third approver when the first two said no.
2590.Submit a budget request with no supporting business case.
2591.Submit a budget request with a business case clearly written in 10 minutes.
2592.Submit a budget request with an ROI that doesn't add up.
2593.Request budget for something and then use it for something completely different.
2594.Request budget, receive it, and then not spend it, losing it at year-end.
2595.Underspend your budget all year and then panic-spend in December on nothing useful.
2596.Request additional budget every quarter after using the full original allocation.
2597.Request emergency budget approval the day before fiscal year close.
2598.Request a retrospective budget for something already purchased.
2599.Purchase something and then ask for the PO number afterward.
2600.Create a purchase order after the invoice has arrived.
2601.Approve an invoice that hasn't been received yet.
2602.Approve an invoice for a supplier you haven't vetted.
2603.Onboard a supplier without going through procurement.
2604.Use a freelancer regularly without a contract because "they're flexible."
2605.Engage a contractor for months before putting anything in writing.
2606.Extend a contractor's engagement verbally with no paperwork.
2607.Let a contractor keep billing after their engagement was supposed to end.
2608.Dispute a contractor's invoice for work you verbally agreed to.
2609.Pay a contractor and then ask them to do more work "for the relationship."
2610.Underpay a contractor and rationalize it as "good exposure."
2611.Ask a freelancer for free "test work" before "potentially" hiring them.
2612.Ask an agency for a free pitch and then use the ideas yourself.
2613.Ask a vendor for a detailed proposal and never respond to it.
2614.Ask a vendor for a proposal and use it as negotiation leverage with their competitor.
2615.Ask three vendors to pitch and have already decided before they present.
2616.Ask for a discount before the proposal has even been presented.
2617.Negotiate a contract and then immediately ask for additional scope at the agreed price.
2618.Renegotiate pricing after the work has started.
2619.Pay an invoice late and not acknowledge it.
2620.Pay an invoice short and not acknowledge it.
2621.Dispute an invoice 60 days after it was issued.
2622.Query every line of a correctly submitted invoice.
2623.Request a credit note for services correctly rendered.
2624.Request a refund on something consumed without issue.
2625.Demand a discount for future work because a past project ran over — when the overrun was your fault.
2626.Ask for a case study from a vendor and use it for your own pitch.
2627.Ask for a testimonial from a vendor rather than giving one to them.
2628.Ask a vendor to work over the holiday period at no additional charge.
2629.Ask a vendor to "just make a few small changes" that are actually a full rebuild.
2630.Send feedback that changes the entire scope on the last round of revisions.
2631.Send feedback that contradicts the brief and ask for it at no extra cost.
2632.Request urgent turnaround on a non-urgent project and decline the rush fee.
2633.Pay the lowest possible price for work and then be surprised by the quality.
2634.Respond to a poor outcome by hiring the cheapest possible replacement.
2635.Print the company's sustainability report double-sided but still print 500 copies.
2636.Print 300 copies of a document and only need 12.
2637.Print a document, decide to edit it, print it again, and throw the first one away.
2638.Print every email you send as a "backup."
2639.Print meeting agendas for 20 people when they were all emailed in advance.
2640.Print meeting notes immediately after the meeting and hand them out.
2641.Print slides in color on a high-cost printer to read them once.
2642.Leave the office printer running over the weekend.
2643.Leave every device on standby instead of off overnight.
2644.Leave monitors on overnight in the office.
2645.Leave the coffee machine on overnight at maximum heat setting.
2646.Leave every overhead light on in rooms clearly unoccupied.
2647.Override motion-sensor lighting to make it stay on permanently.
2648.Blast the AC in an empty meeting room all day because "it was booked."
2649.Leave a meeting room at full AC setting after a session in January.
2650.Open windows while the office heating is on at maximum.
2651.Run a space heater under your desk while the air conditioning is on overhead.
2652.Order individual bottles of water for every meeting instead of using the tap.
2653.Use single-use cups at the water cooler every time, all day.
2654.Use a new plastic straw every time you get a drink.
2655.Put clearly recyclable items in the general waste bin.
2656.Put contaminated food waste in the paper recycling.
2657.Put general waste in the composting bin.
2658.Mix all bins up so thoroughly the recycling becomes general waste anyway.
2659.Wash one dish with the hot tap running for five full minutes.
2660.Order business cards despite having a digital alternative available.
2661.Order branded merchandise that goes directly into a landfill after the event.
2662.Order more branded merch than could ever be used.
2663.Order branded merch made of materials that can't be recycled.
2664.Order branded merch from the least sustainable supplier.
2665.Fly internationally for a meeting that could have been a video call.
2666.Fly business class on a short-haul flight for a 2-hour meeting.
2667.Take a cab to an office 5 minutes' walk away because "it's raining slightly."
2668.Drive to the office alone in an SUV and park in the cycle storage area.
2669.Park in the EV charging space when you don't drive an EV.
2670.Use the EV charging space to charge your phone via an extension cable.
2671.Install a personal mini-fridge at your desk that runs 24/7.
2672.Keep a personal desk fan and a personal space heater both running simultaneously.
2673.Order lunch delivered daily by individual motorcycle courier for one person.
2674.Order lunch that comes in 7 layers of non-recyclable packaging.
2675.Order food at every team event and throw away more than half of it.
2676.Throw away full containers of food because "we have to clear the room."
2677.Insist on fresh flowers for every meeting room weekly even when no one is using them.
2678.Over-order stationery every quarter because "you never know."
2679.Keep a drawer of supplies you've taken from the supply room "in case you need them."
2680.Take multiple copies of everything from the supply room as a precaution.
2681.Throw away working equipment because you prefer the newer model.
2682.Request a new laptop after 18 months because yours is "slow."
2683.Request a second monitor when you already have one.
2684.Request three screens and use all of them to display the same Slack window.
2685.Request the newest phone model every upgrade cycle for "work purposes."
2686.Use the company phone exclusively for personal use and claim it's for "availability."
2687.Claim all tech purchases as essential business tools regardless of actual use.
2688.Use the office as a charging station for all personal devices simultaneously.
2689.Use office bandwidth to download large personal files during business hours.
2690.Use office Wi-Fi for personal streaming at a resolution that slows the whole network.
2691.Use office printing credits for personal printing jobs.
2692.Use office stationery supplies to equip your home office.
2693.Use office catering leftovers as meal prep for the whole week without asking.
2694.Announce a personal green initiative and then act in ways completely contrary to it.
2695.Work late purely to be seen by the right people, doing nothing productive.
2696.Send emails at midnight specifically to demonstrate dedication.
2697.Schedule delayed emails to go out at 6 a.m. to appear like an early starter.
2698.Stay on video calls long after they end to appear busy.
2699.Move your mouse occasionally to keep your status green while doing nothing.
2700.Reply to every message within seconds to appear maximally responsive — and nothing else.
2701.Fill every hour of your calendar so it looks productive without being so.
2702.Have zero gaps in your calendar and be confused about why you accomplish nothing.
2703.Add fake meetings to your calendar to block focus time and protect your schedule from others.
2704.Add fake calls to your calendar to avoid commitments you don't want.
2705.Tell everyone you're "incredibly busy" when your pipeline is completely clear.
2706.Describe every task as "madly slammed" regardless of actual workload.
2707.Say "I've been absolutely buried" every Monday to set expectations.
2708.Claim to work 80-hour weeks and then account for fewer than 40.
2709.Brag about how many things you have on your plate when the work is average.
2710.Describe every deliverable as a "massive lift" when it is routine.
2711.Describe every meeting as "a big one" when it is entirely standard.
2712.Use words like "pivotal" and "watershed" for quarterly reviews.
2713.Use "game-changing" for every incremental improvement.
2714.Describe doing your job as "going above and beyond."
2715.Describe basic competence as exceptional performance.
2716.Frame arriving on time as "making an effort."
2717.Frame meeting a deadline as "really delivering."
2718.Frame not making a mistake as an achievement worth noting.
2719.Frame someone else's idea as "inspired by a conversation we had" when it wasn't.
2720.Frame taking credit as "amplifying the team's work."
2721.Frame ignoring someone's contribution as "keeping it simple."
2722.Be visibly outraged by workplace problems you secretly caused.
2723.Complain about processes you designed.
2724.Criticize decisions you made and then forgot you made.
2725.Argue against policies you proposed in a previous meeting.
2726.Express frustration about a meeting cadence you set up.
2727.Criticize a tool you chose and ask the team to find a replacement.
2728.Advocate strongly for a change, and once it's implemented, immediately advocate for reverting it.
2729.Express frustration about a workload you yourself created for the team.
2730.Express concern about a deadline you set without consulting anyone.
2731.Raise concerns about a project you approved without sufficient review.
2732.Flag a risk during the post-mortem that you ignored when it was flagged before launch.
2733.Acknowledge a concern in a post-mortem and then repeat the exact same decision next time.
2734.Present a lessons learned document as a deliverable without changing any behavior.
2735.Write "action: improve communication" in every retrospective with no follow-through.
2736.Write "action: increase accountability" in every retro while never being accountable yourself.
2737.Ask for better documentation and then never document anything yourself.
2738.Ask for clearer processes and then circumvent every process that applies to you.
2739.Ask for more transparency and then withhold key information yourself.
2740.Speak passionately about psychological safety and then retaliate for honest feedback.
2741.Advocate for work-life balance and then reward overwork visibly.
2742.Advocate for wellbeing and then create conditions that cause burnout.
2743.Advocate for inclusion and then speak over people in every meeting.
2744.Advocate for diversity and then hire the same profile every time.
2745.Advocate for equity and create a two-tier culture without acknowledging it.
2746.Post about mental health awareness and then remove a mental health benefit.
2747.Celebrate World Mental Health Day with a pizza lunch during a hiring freeze.
2748.Celebrate International Women's Day with branded tote bags while closing the pay gap by 0%.
2749.Celebrate Pride Month with a rainbow logo while donating to anti-LGBTQ+ causes.
2750.Celebrate Earth Day by ordering a catered lunch in individual styrofoam boxes.
2751.Celebrate volunteer day with a photo op and leave after 45 minutes.
2752.Frame every self-serving decision as one made "for the team."
2753.Frame budget cuts as "sharpening the team's focus."
2754.Frame headcount reductions as "creating opportunities to do more with less."
2755.Frame the cancellation of a promised benefit as "simplifying the offering."
2756.Frame ignoring feedback as "trusting the strategy."
2757.Frame avoidance of difficult decisions as "taking a measured approach."
2758.Frame indecision as "ensuring alignment before acting."
2759.Frame inaction as "waiting for the right moment."
2760.Frame breaking a commitment as "pivoting based on new information."
2761.Frame repeating the same mistake as "testing a refined hypothesis."
2762.Frame a failure as "a successful experiment in learning."
2763.Frame a missed target as "a recalibration of ambition."
2764.Frame consistent underperformance as "a long-term play."
2765.Frame a competitor's success as "a validation of the market we've chosen."
2766.Frame a competitor's innovation as "something we've been developing internally."
2767.Frame being late to a trend as "being thoughtful about adoption."
2768.Frame having no strategy as "staying agile."
2769.Frame a lack of planning as "responding dynamically to market conditions."
2770.Frame a complete reversal of direction as "evolution."
2771.Frame chaos as "creative tension."
2772.Frame dysfunction as "a startup energy."
2773.Frame understaffing as "a lean, empowered team."
2774.Frame burning out your staff as "the cost of working at the cutting edge."
2775.Call a meeting with no stated purpose and expect people to "figure it out."
2776.Call a meeting just to "align" with no decisions to make.
2777.Call a meeting just to "share" information that could be an email.
2778.Call a meeting just to feel included in something you're not core to.
2779.Call a meeting to hear your own voice on the subject.
2780.Add yourself to meetings you have no business being in.
2781.Add 15 people to a meeting so no one feels left out and nothing gets decided.
2782.Have more people in a meeting than can possibly make it productive.
2783.Invite stakeholders to a meeting and then do all the talking.
2784.Run a "stakeholder input session" and ignore all input.
2785.Run a "listening session" and only talk.
2786.Hold a "retrospective" and only discuss what went well.
2787.Hold a "postmortem" and conclude nothing.
2788.Hold a "lessons learned" session and learn nothing.
2789.Hold a strategy session that produces only a vision statement.
2790.Hold a planning session that produces only a list of more sessions needed.
2791.Hold an all-hands where the Q&A is only softballs from pre-selected people.
2792.Hold an all-hands with no Q&A.
2793.Hold an all-hands and have senior leadership leave before questions are asked.
2794.Hold an all-hands and respond to tough questions with "great question — let's take that offline."
2795.Hold an all-hands and respond to every tough question with a statistic that doesn't address it.
2796.Hold an all-hands and announce changes that require a follow-up all-hands to understand.
2797.Hold an all-hands and use it to describe everything as "exciting" and "on track."
2798.Hold an all-hands and present an org chart that was out of date before you presented it.
2799.Hold an all-hands and read the company values from a slide.
2800.Hold an all-hands and show a highlight reel with no mention of current challenges.
2801.Hold an all-hands and announce a policy change for the first time to 300 people.
2802.Hold an all-hands and spend 40% of it congratulating yourself.
2803.Hold an all-hands and spend the last 5 minutes on "wellbeing."
2804.Hold an all-hands and use language that requires translation: "We're leaning into our flywheel to generate compounding momentum in our go-to-market motion."
2805.Open a meeting with a motivational quote no one asked for.
2806.Open a meeting by asking everyone to clap three times "to get energy into the room."
2807.Open a meeting with a random question like "if you could be any kitchen appliance, what would you be and why?"
2808.Require the ice breaker question to be answered in order around the room, so everyone has to listen to 25 answers before the meeting starts.
2809.Make the ice breaker so personal it creates discomfort.
2810.Refuse to skip the ice breaker when the meeting is already running behind.
2811.Use the ice breaker to share a 7-minute personal story.
2812.Use the ice breaker to workshop a personal problem.
2813.Answer an ice breaker question and then ask the room "why do you think that is?"
2814.Begin the actual agenda item 25 minutes into a 30-minute meeting.
2815.Begin the actual agenda item and run 10 minutes over.
2816.Begin the actual agenda item and immediately go off-topic.
2817.Begin the actual agenda item and require background context that takes longer than the item itself.
2818.Begin the actual agenda item and discover a prerequisite conversation hasn't happened yet.
2819.Begin the actual agenda item and be told it's already been resolved.
2820.Begin the actual agenda item and realize the wrong people are in the room.
2821.Begin the actual agenda item and have the key decision-maker join 30 minutes late.
2822.Begin the actual agenda item and then defer it "because we're short on time."
2823.Defer every agenda item to the next meeting, every meeting, until the end of time.
2824.Bring an agenda item back three meetings in a row with no new information.
2825.Add an agenda item 5 minutes before a meeting starts.
2826.Add an agenda item mid-meeting via Slack while someone else is presenting.
2827.Add a contentious agenda item with no pre-work and expect a resolution in 15 minutes.
2828.Add an agenda item so vague no one knows what the conversation is supposed to achieve.
2829.Add an agenda item that has already been resolved, reigniting a debate that was settled.
2830.Refuse to add items to the agenda and then raise them under "any other business."
2831.Use "any other business" to introduce a 40-minute discussion at the end of a long meeting.
2832.Use "any other business" to relitigate a decision made at the last meeting.
2833.Say "one more thing" in any meeting and have it not be one more thing.
2834.Say "one more quick point" and take 20 minutes to make it.
2835.Make a decision in a meeting and then quietly reverse it in a private chat after.
2836.Make a decision in a meeting and immediately email to "clarify" it into something different.
2837.Make a decision and then send a "just to confirm" message that changes the decision.
2838.Vote on a decision, lose, and then continue to advocate for your position anyway.
2839.Agree to a decision in the meeting and then immediately ask colleagues to reopen it.
2840.Not voice concerns in the meeting and then share them widely afterward.
2841.Voice concerns about everything and never offer alternatives.
2842.Oppose every suggestion until it fails, and then suggest it yourself as a new idea.
2843.Let everyone propose ideas and then be the one to "summarize" them all into your preferred version.
2844.Declare consensus when there is clearly none.
2845.Declare a decision final before everyone has had input.
2846.Make decisions by going around the room and stopping before the dissenters.
2847.Make decisions by going around the room and ignoring the dissenters.
2848.Make decisions based on whoever spoke last and loudest.
2849.Make decisions based on whoever is most senior in the room, regardless of knowledge.
2850.Defer every decision upward until it becomes a bottleneck.
2851.Make decisions unilaterally and then describe them as collaborative.
2852.Delegate decision-making and then override every decision made.
2853.Say "I trust your judgment" and then question every judgment call in the debrief.
2854.Conclude the meeting without any clear next steps and call it "a good discussion."
2855.Schedule a global team call for 9 a.m. your time — 2 a.m. for half the team.
2856.Schedule a recurring call that requires APAC colleagues to join at midnight every week.
2857.Rotate meeting times only between EST and PST, never considering EMEA or APAC.
2858.Use American date formatting in global documents (MM/DD/YYYY) without specifying.
2859.Use American date formatting after being asked to use ISO format.
2860.Use Fahrenheit in all communications without conversion for a global audience.
2861.Use Imperial measurements exclusively in a metric-system country.
2862.Use American spelling in all documents for a British-English audience without flagging it.
2863.Write currency amounts as "$" without specifying the country.
2864.Use "$" to mean USD in a document shared with teams in multiple dollar-currency countries.
2865.Use "America" to mean "the United States" in a global document.
2866.Use "English" to mean "American English" when requesting translations.
2867.Ask for a document to be "translated" and mean "written in a simpler vocabulary."
2868.Ask a multilingual colleague to translate something casually as though it takes no effort.
2869.Ask a multilingual colleague to translate something incorrectly and correct their native language.
2870.Ask a colleague who speaks a language to represent the entire culture of that region.
2871.Ask a colleague from a country what "their people" think about a topic.
2872.Assume a colleague from one country knows everything about a neighboring country.
2873.Confuse two countries with similar names, twice, in front of someone from one of them.
2874.Describe a large and diverse continent as a single homogeneous market.
2875.Describe a global team member's communication style as "cultural" when it's just their personality.
2876.Attribute every misunderstanding with a global colleague to "cultural differences."
2877.Use idiomatic English in a global team meeting and not explain it.
2878.Use sports metaphors that only apply to American sports in a global context.
2879.Use cricket metaphors in a meeting with people who have no frame of reference for cricket.
2880.Reference pop culture exclusively from one country in global team settings.
2881.Use colloquialisms that don't translate and get offended when they don't land.
2882.Speak unusually slowly and loudly to a non-native English speaker who is fluent.
2883.Interrupt a non-native English speaker to "finish their sentence" for them.
2884.Praise a non-native English speaker for their English in a condescending way.
2885.Use complex legal/financial jargon with global teams where English is a second language.
2886.Send a 15-page contract in complex English to a non-English-speaking partner with no translation.
2887.Send legal documentation and say "just skim it" to a non-English speaker.
2888.Hold a global town hall in English only with no subtitles.
2889.Hold a global team meeting and never acknowledge or accommodate time zone difficulties.
2890.Schedule every conference and offsite in one country and expect global teams to travel to it every time.
2891.Hold every "global" offsite in New York.
2892.Refer to the New York office as "global HQ" and treat every other location as regional.
2893.Use "global" to mean "HQ plus a few satellite offices we acknowledge occasionally."
2894.Treat "global strategy" as "HQ strategy applied elsewhere."
2895.Build a product for a Western market and then describe it as "global."
2896.Build a product for a Western market and ask the APAC team to make it work there.
2897.Ask regional teams to adapt global products and not provide any additional resources.
2898.Ask regional teams to implement a strategy built without their input.
2899.Set global KPIs from HQ that are irrelevant in local markets.
2900.Evaluate local market performance against global benchmarks that don't apply.
2901.Build global reporting that requires local teams to manually reformat their data.
2902.Require global teams to join every HQ planning meeting regardless of relevance.
2903.Require global teams to attend a "global kick-off" that addresses only HQ's work.
2904.Have a global team and seat every senior leader in one city.
2905.Hire for "global experience" and then never give global responsibilities.
2906.Describe your company as "global" because you have one employee in another country.
2907.Describe your company as "international" because you have a .com domain.
2908.Describe a service available in two countries as "available worldwide."
2909.Describe "English, French, and Spanish" as full global language coverage.
2910.Launch a product in 28 markets simultaneously with no localization.
2911.Launch a product in 28 markets with machine-translated content only.
2912.Approve machine-translated marketing copy without a native speaker review.
2913.Use a brand name in a new market that means something offensive in the local language.
2914.Use imagery in a global campaign that is specific to one culture without realizing it.
2915.Use stock photos of one demographic to represent a globally diverse user base.
2916.Present a case study from one market as globally universally applicable.
2917.Use a success story from the US market to pitch in Japan with no adaptation.
2918.Schedule a product launch during a major holiday in the target market.
2919.Schedule a product launch during Ramadan without awareness or acknowledgment.
2920.Schedule a product launch during Chinese New Year without awareness or acknowledgment.
2921.Schedule a global company event during a major religious holiday without acknowledgment.
2922.Send a company "Happy Christmas" message to a global team without acknowledging other holidays.
2923.Schedule a "holiday" party on the most important religious day of a religion you didn't include.
2924.Assume everyone celebrates the same holidays as your HQ country.
2925.Assume everyone observes the same work week as your HQ country.
2926.Assume everyone is awake and working at the same time as your HQ country.
2927.Assume every market has the same data privacy requirements as your HQ country.
2928.Assume every market has the same employment law as your HQ country.
2929.Roll out an HR policy globally without checking legal compliance in each country.
2930.Issue global terms and conditions with a governing law clause from only one country.
2931.Require all contracts to be governed by a law that's expensive to enforce internationally.
2932.Require global signatures on a document that can only be legally signed in one country.
2933.Miss a regulatory filing in a market because "the team there handles it."
2934.Discover a compliance issue in a market and treat it as primarily a PR problem.
2935.Bring a megaphone to a quiet office and call it "team spirit."
2936.Install a countdown clock to the end of the fiscal year on the office TV.
2937.Install a countdown clock to the end of the workday on your personal screen.
2938.Put a countdown to your retirement on your desktop background.
2939.Put a motivational poster above someone's screen without asking.
2940.Hang a clock that ticks loudly directly behind a colleague's head.
2941.Bring a Newton's cradle to every meeting "to think better."
2942.Bring a fidget cube and use it loudly during every video call.
2943.Write motivational quotes on the bathroom mirror in dry-erase marker.
2944.Leave anonymous motivational sticky notes on people's keyboards.
2945.Create a "kudos" Slack channel and only ever post kudos for yourself.
2946.Nominate yourself for the company award and tell everyone you did.
2947.Campaign for the employee of the month award actively.
2948.Campaign for an award and then refuse to accept someone else's win gracefully.
2949.Refuse to nominate anyone for the employee award because "it should be merit-based."
2950.Make every team success about your personal contributions in the company newsletter.
2951.Write your own bio for the company newsletter and describe yourself in the third person.
2952.Write your own bio and include a quote attributed to yourself.
2953.Include a professional headshot that's clearly from 15 years ago in all documents.
2954.Use a professional headshot where you're cropped out of a wedding photo.
2955.Use a profile photo where you're wearing a hat and sunglasses.
2956.Use a profile photo that's actually a photo of a pet.
2957.Use a profile photo that's clearly a film character.
2958.Use a profile photo that's a cartoon drawing of yourself.
2959.Use a photo of a plant as your work profile picture.
2960.Use a photo of a specific type of bread as your work profile picture and refuse to explain it.
2961.Change your profile picture to a new photo weekly, making you unrecognizable.
2962.Have a profile picture so dark no one can tell who it is.
2963.Have a profile picture so zoomed in it's just one eye and part of your nose.
2964.Have a profile picture of the back of your head.
2965.Write an out-of-office reply that's three paragraphs long and contains a poem.
2966.Write an out-of-office reply that includes a full philosophical reflection on disconnecting.
2967.Write an out-of-office reply that includes your personal beliefs about work-life balance.
2968.Write an out-of-office reply that shames people for emailing.
2969.Write an out-of-office reply that includes instructions so complicated no one follows them.
2970.Write an out-of-office reply that includes a lengthy reading recommendation.
2971.Write an out-of-office reply that's funnier than anything you've contributed at work all year.
2972.Have your out-of-office go out automatically in response to internal newsletters.
2973.Have your out-of-office reply to automated systems, triggering infinite email loops.
2974.Have your out-of-office trigger a follow-up campaign from a vendor that emails the whole team.
2975.Return from leave and have your out-of-office still running for a further three weeks.
2976.Return from leave and have your out-of-office sending everyone a different message than when you left.
2977.Set an out-of-office saying you're "on a digital detox" and post on LinkedIn three times a day.
2978.Set an out-of-office saying you're "unreachable" and reply to a client 7 minutes later.
2979.Set an out-of-office and then show up to a meeting the next day as if you never sent it.
2980.Send a company-wide email with a typo in the first line.
2981.Send a company-wide email and realize the attachment didn't attach.
2982.Send a company-wide "Oops — with the attachment this time!" follow-up.
2983.Send a company-wide "Apologies for the typo in my last email" follow-up.
2984.Send a company-wide "please ignore the previous two emails" follow-up.
2985.Set up an email recall for a company-wide email, which is not a thing that works.
2986.Send a company-wide email and discover you sent it to the wrong company-wide list.
2987.Send a company-wide email and then immediately reply-all to add "p.s."
2988.Send a company-wide email in HTML format that renders incorrectly on half the devices.
2989.Send a company-wide email with a broken link and no follow-up fix.
2990.Announce a major company initiative via email to people who haven't been told yet in person.
2991.Announce your own departure before leadership has confirmed the announcement.
2992.Announce a new hire before HR has sent the welcome email.
2993.Announce a team restructure via a vague email at 5 p.m. on a Friday.
2994.Announce a strategic pivot at 4:58 p.m. on the Friday before a long weekend.
2995.Send a company update that creates more questions than it answers.
2996.Send a company update and then go offline immediately afterward.
2997.Send a company update so full of jargon it requires a translator.
2998.Send a company update written by committee that says absolutely nothing.
2999.Send a company update that contradicts the update from last month.
3000.Send a company update that says "more details to follow" and never follow.
3001.Send a "pulse check" email and not read a single reply.
3002.Send an "important update" email with a subject line that says "Important Update."
3003.Mark every company-wide email as high importance.
3004.Send company-wide emails at 11:48 p.m. and not acknowledge the time.
3005.Book a meeting with yourself publicly titled "Do Not Book" every single day.
3006.Book a meeting titled "Personal" with no further context for an entire afternoon.
3007.Book a recurring 2-hour "Thinking Time" block on your shared calendar.
3008.Populate every hour of your workday with named calendar events so no one knows which are real.
3009.Accept a meeting request while booking a conflicting meeting and attend neither.
3010.Accept every meeting and prioritize based on who might notice your absence.
3011.Accept a meeting, add two people without asking, and not attend yourself.
3012.Decline a meeting and then show up anyway.
3013.Decline a meeting, show up anyway, and redirect the whole agenda.
3014.Crash a meeting you weren't invited to and dominate the discussion.
3015.Crash a meeting you weren't invited to and say "I'll just sit in quietly" — and not.
3016.Ask to be added to a meeting "just to stay in the loop" and add no value.
3017.Join a meeting for 5 minutes to make a point and leave dramatically.
3018.Join a meeting, make one comment, and then say "I'll let you all carry on."
3019.Join a meeting, immediately apologize for being late, and leave 4 minutes later.
3020.Join a meeting and announce you have a hard stop in 3 minutes.
3021.Join a meeting to ask a question answerable in a Slack message.
3022.Call a meeting to answer a question answerable in a Slack message.
3023.Send a Slack message to answer a question answerable with a yes/no.
3024.Send 14 Slack messages where one structured email would do.
3025.Send one email so long it should have been a meeting.
3026.Call a meeting so long it should have been a document.
3027.Write a document so long it should have been a conversation.
3028.Have a conversation so long it should never have happened.
3029.Start a process that no one asked for, that solves a problem that didn't exist.
3030.Solve a problem no one had by creating three new problems.
3031.Create a framework for everything and a solution for nothing.
3032.Plan extensively, execute poorly, and document it as a success.
3033.Repeat the cycle outlined in #2998 every single quarter.
3034.Forward this entire list to the company Slack general channel with the message: "No one in particular. Just vibes. 😇"

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