191+ Hilarious Ways to Annoy Your Friends

Looking for ways to annoy your friends? You've come to the right place. From harmless phone pranks to conversation chaos, these 191+ friend pranks are designed to be funny, reversible, and friendship-tested. Whether you want subtle daily annoyances or full-on prank warfare, scroll through our complete list of ways to professionally annoy your friends.

• 1.Call other people "Champ" or "Tiger." Refer to yourself as "Coach."
• 2.Drum on every available surface.
• 3.Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
• 4.Staple papers together in the middle of the page.
• 5.Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
• 6.Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
• 7.Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
• 8.Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
• 9.Insist on giving weather forecasts in public. Claim to be AMS certified.
• 10.Surprise old friends by visiting them at 3AM "to discuss old times."
• 11.Insist on buying airplane tickets for friends to "save them money." Make sure the plane departs at 5AM and the tickets are non-refundable. Point out that you didn't really save them any money.
• 12.Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
• 13.Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
• 14.Set alarms for random times.
• 15.Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip…"
• 16.Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
• 17.Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
• 18.Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
• 19.Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
• 20.Honk and wave to strangers.
• 21.Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Safety Orange.
• 22.Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
• 23.Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
• 24.Wear your pants backwards.
• 25.Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.
• 26.Begin all your sentences with "Oh la la!"
• 27.Rouse your roommate from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music."
• 28.Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-landscape mode.
• 29.ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
• 30.dont use any punctuation
• 31.Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
• 32.Pay for your dinner with pennies.
• 33.Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
• 34.Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
• 35.Write "X - Buried Treasure" in random spots on roadmaps.
• 36.Explain to everyone you meet your Kennedy assassination/UFO/OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
• 37.Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
• 38.Light road flares on a birthday cake.
• 39.Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
• 40.Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
• 41.Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
• 42.Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
• 43.At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
• 44.When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells…" until physically restrained.
• 45.Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
• 46.As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
• 47.Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
• 48.Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
• 49.Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
• 50.Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
• 51.Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
• 52.Why walk when you can drive that half a block?
• 53.Name your dog "Dog."
• 54.Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
• 55.Ask people what gender they are.
• 56.Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
• 57.Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
• 58.Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.
• 59.Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
• 60.Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes."
• 61.Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
• 62.Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as the Mr. Rogers theme song.
• 63.While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
• 64.Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
• 65.Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
• 66.Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
• 67.Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
• 68.Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
• 69.Wear a lot of cologne.
• 70.Ask people if you may "interface" with them.
• 71.Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
• 72.Sing along at the opera.
• 73.Mow your lawn with scissors.
• 74.Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."
• 75.Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
• 76.Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
• 77.Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
• 78.Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."
• 79.Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see the "magic picture."
• 80.Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
• 81.Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
• 82.Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
• 83.Never make eye contact.
• 84.Never break eye contact.
• 85.Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
• 86.Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
• 87.Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
• 88.Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
• 89.Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
• 90.Make appointments for the 31st of September.
• 91.Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
• 92.When asked to do things, repeat the instructions to the body parts involved.
• 93.When people ask you to do things, mutter under your breath, "This won't be necessary where you are going."
• 94.Wait until you get to work to shave.
• 95.Tell small children that they don't look very promising.
• 96.Claim your apartment is an independent nation and sue your neighbors for "violating your airspace."
• 97.Honk your car horn to the beat of the radio.
• 98.Every time your boss starts talking, cover your ears with your hands and hum.
• 99.Talk in third person.
• 100.Bombard your co-workers' inboxes with cutesy-pie chain e-mails.
• 101.If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
• 102.Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
• 103.Speak only in a "robot" voice.
• 104.Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."
• 105.Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17-inch paper, 98 copies.
• 106.Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
• 107.Sniffle incessantly.
• 108.Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
• 109.Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
• 110.Practice making fax and modem noises.
• 111.Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
• 112.Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbours you are a "spider person."
• 113.Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
• 114.Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
• 115.Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
• 116.Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
• 117.At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
• 118.Tell people their accent isn't fooling anyone.
• 119.wrt wth n vwls
• 120.Tell your friends 5 days in advance that you cannot come to their party because you have a headache.
• 121.Sing the "This is the song that never ends" song from Lampchop's Play-Along.
• 122.Occasionally bark in a high-pitched voice.
• 123.As people talk, smell their shoulders.
• 124.When in a conversation, look out the window, then say "Wait, start over. I wasn't paying attention."
• 125.Say to people, "Did you wear deodorant today?"
• 126.Place your shoes on the table.
• 127.When talking to someone, look at a spot about two inches to their right.
• 128.When standing near a "high-class person," ask them, "Excuse me, but do I have a booger hanging on my nose?"
• 129.Switch your neighbour's lawn furniture with someone else's.
• 130.Call into work and tell them you have something better to do today.
• 131.Buy goldfish and ask the clerk if they come with chips.
• 132.Sample every flavour of ice cream and tell the clerk what you don't like about each one.
• 133.Pick your ear wax and ask if you could use their sleeve to wipe it off.
• 134.Insist completely ridiculous things are true.
• 135.Speak in a strong Welsh accent.
• 136.Wear odd shoes.
• 137.Learn "Ice Ice Baby" by heart and recite it endlessly.
• 138.Disagree strongly with everything anybody says.
• 139.Keep changing the TV channel every two seconds.
• 140.Insist that Celine Dion is better than the Beatles.
• 141.Whenever anyone says something, laugh loudly as if they have just told an extremely funny joke.
• 142.Phone McDonald's and try to make a reservation for that evening.
• 143.Spend an entire weekend pretending you are R2D2.
• 144.Recite the first 4,000 decimal places of Pi. Then ask if people want to hear it in binary, too.
• 145.Pretend you have gone completely deaf.
• 146.etirW sdrawkcab.
• 147.Walk into people's houses, go straight to the fridge without saying hello, and help yourself to their food.
• 148.Speak so quietly that people always have to get you to repeat it.
• 149.Loudly recite people's most embarrassing secrets in restaurants.
• 150.Play the electric guitar very loudly and badly. When neighbours complain and come back again, say "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you asked me to turn it up!"
• 151.Try to fit the word "cornucopia" into every sentence you say.
• 152.Secretly learn to play the piano, then go to a friend's house. Claim you've never played before, then play Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring perfectly. Say, "I guess I must kinda be a natural."
• 153.Go canoeing and sing the Hawaii Five-0 theme.
• 154.Wear your cap backwards and say "Yo, wazzup?" a lot.
• 155.Go to a Metallica concert wearing a Michael Bolton T-Shirt.
• 156.Tell everyone you are Bill Clinton's cousin.
• 157.Take photos of people walking down the street and then run away.
• 158.Down a can of Coke in one and then burp loudly.
• 159.Insist that it was Bobby who shot J.R.
• 160.Bark like a dog whenever anyone says the word "the."
• 161.Wire up people's cars so the horn comes on as soon as the car is started.
• 162.Ride a unicycle to work.
• 163.E-mail Microsoft to tell them about bugs in Windows '95 that aren't actually there.
• 164.Stare at people for about five minutes, then slowly sneak up while humming the Mission: Impossible theme. Sniff their head, then run away. Repeat.
• 165.Continuously mumble during a conversation.
• 166.Take off the eraser from every pencil in your house.
• 167.When in a chat room, spell everything incorrectly.
• 168.Insist on "Weird Al" sing-a-longs.
• 169.On a hot summer day, drench pedestrians with squirt guns.
• 170.Walk up to someone eating. Lean over and stare until they notice. Say "I've been watching you eat for the last 30 seconds. You're weird!" Leave.
• 171.When walking, talk to yourself constantly.
• 172.Move people's bookmarks ahead three pages when they aren't looking.
• 173.Call the operator. When asked, "Can I help you?" reply, "No thanks, just browsing."
• 174.Go to a gumball machine, insert coins until you have fake eyeballs. Drive down the street wearing them, playing Twilight Zone very loud. When pulled over, leap to the passenger's seat and claim "He was here a minute ago, officer!"
• 175.After visiting the local donut shop, sit on the floor cross-legged and insist in a childish voice that you haven't received enough chocolate sprinkles.
• 176.Push a raisin into someone's cream-filled donut.
• 177.Spread fertilizer on half your neighbour's lawn.
• 178.At school, stick "presents" in people's backpacks, such as mud, rocks, sticks, and leaves.
• 179.Call every pager number you know and leave the number for your local McDonald's.
• 180.Wash and scrub the trees in your front lawn.
• 181.Throw newspapers back at paperboys.
• 182.Tell people their fly is down when they're wearing sweat pants.
• 183.Stand on a busy corner. Gasp, look and point up. See how many people look.
• 184.At random times in a conversation, say "hi," "hello Sir, how are you?" or "have a good day, thank you."
• 185.Forward stupid chain letters to as many people as you can.
• 186.Call Pizza Hut for home delivery and ask for the number of Domino's.
• 187.Eat a McDonald's burger at Burger King.
• 188.Drink Pepsi in a Coke factory.
• 189.Call someone urgently on a serious note, and when they hurriedly come to you, whisper in their ear, "Nothing."
• 190.Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
• 191.Say all your sentences backwards.
• 192.Correct their grammar mid-sentence.
• 193.Say "long story short…" and tell a very long story.
• 194.Start explaining something they already know.
• 195.Repeat the last word of every sentence they say.
• 196.Ask them to explain obvious jokes.
• 197.Laugh before they finish the joke.
• 198.Say "you had to be there" after telling a story.
• 199.Talk extremely slowly.
• 200.Talk extremely fast.
• 201.Mispronounce common words.
• 202.Send them 20 memes in a row.
• 203.Call them by accident "but stay on the line."
• 204.Send voice notes with background noise.
• 205.Send "typing…" then disappear.
• 206.Respond with only GIFs.
• 207.Reply hours later like the conversation just started.
• 208.Send extremely long messages for simple replies.
• 209.Send screenshots instead of links.
• 210.Send TikToks they already sent you.
• 211.React to everything with 👍.
• 212.Wave at them from across the room repeatedly.
• 213.Introduce them with exaggerated titles.
• 214.Tell embarrassing childhood stories.
• 215.Ask them to repeat what they just said to everyone.
• 216.Clap loudly when they walk in.
• 217.Pretend they're famous.
• 218.Ask strangers if they know them.
• 219.Narrate their actions.
• 220.Point out when they trip on words.
• 221.Laugh at things they didn't intend to be funny.
• 222.Take fries one by one while talking.
• 223.Ask for a sip every time they drink.
• 224.Comment on every ingredient.
• 225.Ask "what's that?" constantly.
• 226.Take the last chip slowly while making eye contact.
• 227.Offer them food you already bit.
• 228.Mix their fries and yours.
• 229.Rearrange toppings on their pizza.
• 230.Ask for a bite after they finish.
• 231.Say "you're eating that?" jokingly.
• 232.Ask questions during every scene.
• 233.Guess every plot twist.
• 234.Pause to go to the bathroom during important moments.
• 235.Quote lines before characters say them.
• 236.Spoil tiny details.
• 237.Ask "who's that again?" every 5 minutes.
• 238.Comment on unrealistic things.
• 239.Talk during quiet scenes.
• 240.Ask if the movie is almost over.
• 241.Skip songs halfway.
• 242.Tap them on the opposite shoulder.
• 243.Hide their phone for 10 seconds.
• 244.Move their chair slightly.
• 245.Spin their water bottle.
• 246.Copy their laugh.
• 247.Repeat their catchphrases incorrectly.
• 248.Ask them riddles nonstop.
• 249.Count down from 10 and stop at 4.
• 250.Start clapping randomly.
• 251.Narrate like a sports commentator.
• 252.Say "wait I have tea to spill" and never spill it.
• 253.Tell them you forgot what you were about to say.
• 254.Say "I'll explain later."
• 255.Ask them what they're thinking about repeatedly.
• 256.Start a story then answer a text mid-story.
• 257.Ask if they remember something embarrassing.
• 258.Say their name dramatically.
• 259.Send them cryptic messages like "uh oh."
• 260.Say "you'll understand one day."
• 261.Pretend you heard someone call their name.
• 262.Ask if they hear that sound.
• 263.Point behind them suddenly.
• 264.Pretend to take photos of them.
• 265.Whisper their name randomly.
• 266.Ask them to guess something impossible.
• 267.Start counting things around the room.
• 268.Narrate their eating habits.
• 269.Repeat their jokes louder.
• 270.Ask them to repeat stories for new people.
• 271.Say "wait… never mind."
• 272.Say "I know something you don't."
• 273.Ask them to remind you about something mysterious.
• 274.Say "that's suspicious."
• 275.Start singing random songs.
• 276.Quote memes constantly.
• 277.Tell them they look familiar.
• 278.Ask them if they changed something.
• 279.Pretend you forgot their name briefly.
• 280.Say "interesting…" with no explanation.
• 281.Send them a blank message.
• 282.Ask them to guess a number between 1–1000.
• 283.Nod slowly after everything they say.
• 284.Say "hmm…" dramatically.
• 285.Laugh quietly to yourself.
• 286.Say "this reminds me of something…" and stop.
• 287.Stare into the distance mid-conversation.
• 288.Ask what time it is repeatedly.
• 289.Say "remember this moment."
• 290.Say "don't worry about it."
• 291.Walk away mysteriously.
• 292.Turn their mouse sensitivity way up.
• 293.Flip their computer screen upside down.
• 294.Change their phone autocorrect.
• 295.Put googly eyes on everything in their room.
• 296.Rename yourself in their phone.
• 297.Set a funny wallpaper on their phone.
• 298.Tape over the bottom of their mouse sensor.
• 299.Replace sugar with salt in a small shaker (temporary).
• 300.Send them a fake "meeting reminder."
• 301.Change notification sounds.
• 302.Put a tiny sticker over their camera lens.
• 303.Rearrange their app icons.
• 304.Set their ringtone to something ridiculous.
• 305.Leave mysterious sticky notes everywhere.
• 306.Put a fake spider somewhere visible.
• 307.Wrap their phone in paper.
• 308.Change their keyboard language.
• 309.Write "out of order" on random things.
• 310.Send them a random countdown timer.
• 311.Set an alarm titled "RUN."
• 312.Switch cereal bags in the box.
• 313.Freeze their spoon in a cup of water.
• 314.Put a balloon under their chair.
• 315.Hide rubber ducks around their room.
• 316.Put confetti inside their umbrella.
• 317.Add a funny contact photo to their phone.
• 318.Pretend you forgot their birthday then surprise them.
• 319.Change their desktop icons to huge size.
• 320.Set 20 reminders on their phone.
• 321.Add funny nicknames in group chats.
• 322.Fake treasure map leading to their own shoes.
• 323.Cover every key on their keyboard with sticky notes.
• 324.Put tape over the faucet sprayer so it soaks them.
• 325.Reverse both strings on their hoodie so they're inside.
• 326.Send random countdown texts: "5… 4… 3…" then go quiet.
• 327.Write a fake fortune on a slip of paper and leave it in their cookie.
• 328.Point your phone at them and narrate like you're starting a vlog.
• 329.Text them fake breaking news: "You've been selected for something."
• 330.Fill a drawer they'll open with small balloons.
• 331.Leave laminated "instructions" on how to use their own chair.
• 332.Move every alarm on their phone forward by exactly 2 minutes.
• 333.Re-label their pantry items incorrectly (sugar → flour, etc.).
• 334.Swap their left and right earbud labels.
• 335.Rename all their Spotify playlists to variations of "this one."
• 336.Send cryptic "mission update" texts at random intervals all day.
• 337.Swap their working pen for one with no ink and watch them try to write.
• 338.Hide a snack in every pocket of their bag as a "surprise."
• 339.Print and hang an "Employee of the Day" poster with their photo.
• 340.Put a tiny square of tape over the light sensor on their phone.
• 341.Leave a dramatic farewell note on their fridge that says "The leftovers… they're gone."
• 342.Put a sticky note inside their laptop that says "I've been watching."
• 343.Stick a label on the bottom of their mouse that says "turn me over." Put another label on top: "turn me back over."
• 344.Leave a tiny note in their shoe that just says "hello."
• 345.Write "caution: extremely caffeinated" on their water bottle.
• 346.Put a sticky note on their bathroom mirror: "Smile — you're being evaluated."
• 347.Label their charger "Property of NASA."
• 348.Leave a note in their jacket pocket that says "this message will self-destruct."
• 349.Put a sticky note on the TV remote: "Requires password. See: nobody."
• 350.Tape a note to their coffee mug: "Evidence cup. Do not wash."
• 351.Label their desk drawer "Classified — Level 4 Clearance Required."
• 352.Print a certificate awarding them "Most Likely to Ask If You've Eaten."
• 353.Make a laminated "World's Okayest Friend" card and present it solemnly.
• 354.Create a fake Wikipedia page title for them: "[Name] — Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia."
• 355.Award them a gold star sticker and refuse to explain what it's for.
• 356.Design a "participation trophy" from cardboard and present it at dinner.
• 357.Tell them they've won "Regional Friend of the Quarter" and hand them a coupon.
• 358.Post a fake "Congratulations on your achievement" balloon somewhere they'll see it with no further explanation.
• 359.Make a tiny podium out of books and ask them to stand on it briefly.
• 360.Text them: "The committee has reviewed your application. Results attached." Attach nothing.
• 361.Give them an award ribbon labeled "2nd Place — Being Themselves."
• 362.Tell them you have huge news. Make them wait all day. The news: you tried a new cereal. It was fine.
• 363.Ask them to keep a secret. Tell them the secret. The secret is that you have no secret.
• 364.Build up a story for three minutes, then say "anyway that's not important — so what are you doing later?"
• 365.Text "we need to talk" then, when they respond, say "about how much I appreciate you" followed by one thumbs up.
• 366.Start every conversation with "Don't freak out, but—" then say something completely mundane.
• 367.Tell them you figured out something amazing about them. Say "you blink when you blink." Look proud.
• 368.Ask them a series of increasingly personal questions, then reveal you were "just testing a new app." The app doesn't exist.
• 369.Send a voice memo of just silence, then text "did you hear that?"
• 370.Tell them you've been taking notes. Show them a blank notebook. Say "early days."
• 371.Announce you have a confession. Confess that you've never thought about whether penguins have knees. Ask them to think about it now.
• 372.Introduce them to a new person using only adjectives, no nouns. "This is… enthusiastic, tall, and Tuesday energy."
• 373.Refer to their car as "the vessel" for an entire day.
• 374.Assign them a code name at the start of the day. Use only the code name. Refuse to explain.
• 375.Ask if you can borrow a book. Return it the same day with a 4-star sticky note review on the front.
• 376.Write their wifi password on a piece of paper and hand it to them in an envelope labeled "The Coordinates."
• 377.Change your name in their phone to "Unknown Number" for 24 hours.
• 378.Ask them to take a photo of you. Take an identical photo of them immediately. Say "for the archive."
• 379.Tell them you wrote them a poem. Read three words: "Here. You. Are." Nod thoughtfully. Walk away.
• 380.Narrate everything they eat like a sommelier. "Notes of Tuesday… hints of regret… an unexpected finish."
• 381.Put a googly eye on the inside of their umbrella, directly at face level.
• 382.Leave a single crouton on their desk with a sticky note: "For your efforts."
• 383.Replace the photo in a picture frame with a slightly different photo of the same person, same pose. Say nothing.
• 384.Text them coordinates. The coordinates lead to their current location.
• 385.Add "…in this economy?" to the end of everything they say for one hour.
• 386.Sign them up for a "monthly fun fact" email you write yourself. Make it a newsletter. Give it a logo.
• 387.Put a sticky note on the bathroom scale that says "add 5 lbs for shoes, subtract 3 for optimism."
• 388.Leave a voicemail that is just you slowly reading their phone number back to them, then hanging up.
• 389.Hand them a sealed envelope labeled "Open in 10 years." Inside: a picture of a dog. No explanation.
• 390.Send them a link to a Google Doc titled "The Plan." The doc contains only: "Step 1: This."
• 391.Give them a handshake with slightly too much eye contact. Say "you passed." Walk away forever.
• 392.Repeat everything they say as a question.
• 393.Send messages one word at a time.
• 394.Walk slightly slower than their pace.
• 395.Take a fry and say "just one."
• 396.Start a story and never finish it.
• 397.Suggest a plan and reject every suggestion.
• 398.Ask the rules repeatedly.
• 399.Set alarms and snooze them repeatedly.
• 400.Start singing randomly.
• 401.Say "Guess what?" and never tell them.