Need the perfect savage comeback or witty insult? Browse our collection of 155+ clever burns, roasts, and one-liners that actually sting. Whether you need to roast your friends, shut down a hater, or just have a brutal comeback ready to go, these insults range from playfully sarcastic to absolutely devastating.
155+ Insults & Comebacks- 1.I was today years old when I realized I didn't like you.
- 2.Someday you'll go far. And I really hope you stay there.
- 3.Oops, my bad. I could've sworn I was dealing with an adult.
- 4.I love what you've done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of your nostrils like that?
- 5.Remember that time you were saying that thing I didn't care about? Yeah, that is now.
- 6.I'm busy right now, can I ignore you another time?
- 7.I wish I had a flip phone, so I could slam it shut on this conversation.
- 8.N'Sync said it best: "BYE, BYE, BYE!"
- 9.I've been called worse things by better men.
- 10.You're a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
- 11.Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me them.
- 12.You bring everyone so much joy! You know, when you leave the room.
- 13.How many licks until I get to the interesting part of this conversation?
- 14.Keep rolling your eyes, you might eventually find a brain.
- 15.Your face makes onions cry.
- 16.Did I invite you to the barbecue? Then why are you all up in my grill?
- 17.You have so many gaps in your teeth it looks like your tongue is in jail.
- 18.If your brain was dynamite, there wouldn't be enough to blow your hat off.
- 19.You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
- 20.It's impossible to underestimate you.
- 21.Wow, your maker really didn't waste time giving you a personality, huh?
- 22.Her teeth were so bad she could eat an apple through a fence.
- 23.I'll never forget the first time we met. But I'll keep trying.
- 24.Oh, I'm sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
- 25.Hold still. I'm trying to imagine you with personality.
- 26.I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.
- 27.You're cute. Like my dog. He also chases his tail for entertainment.
- 28.You are like a cloud. When you disappear, it's a beautiful day.
- 29.You have an entire life to be an idiot. Why not take today off?
- 30.Your face is just fine, but we'll have to put a bag over that personality.
- 31.I'm not a nerd. I'm just smarter than you.
- 32.I may love to shop but I will never buy your bull.
- 33.Child, I've forgotten more than you ever knew.
- 34.I'm an acquired taste. If you don't like me, acquire some taste.
- 35.Bye. Hope to see you never.
- 36.Don't worry, the first 40 years of childhood are always the hardest.
- 37.If you're going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.
- 38.Complete this sentence for me: "I never want to see you ____!"
- 39.I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.
- 40.OH MY GOD! IT SPEAKS!
- 41.Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
- 42.I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
- 43.I forgot the world revolves around you. My apologies, how silly of me.
- 44.Light travels faster than sound, which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.
- 45.I'd rather treat my baby's diaper rash than have lunch with you.
- 46.You look so pretty. Not at all gross, today.
- 47.I only take you everywhere I go so I don't have to kiss you goodbye.
- 48.When you look in the mirror, say hi to the clown you see in there for me, would you?
- 49.Somewhere out there is a tree tirelessly producing oxygen for you. You owe it an apology.
- 50.That sounds like a you problem.
- 51.You have miles to go before you reach mediocre.
- 52.I see no evil, and I definitely don't hear your evil.
- 53.I'm just glad that you're stringing words into sentences now.
- 54.Don't worry about me. Worry about your eyebrows.
- 55.Mirrors can't talk. Lucky for you, they can't laugh, either.
- 56.You are proof God has a sense of humor.
- 57.If I had a face like yours, I would sue my parents.
- 58.You must have been born on a highway. That's where most accidents happen.
- 59.You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
- 60.If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
- 61.I'm glad to see you're not letting education get in the way of your ignorance.
- 62.I'd agree with you but then we'd both be wrong.
- 63.Don't be ashamed of who you are. That's your parent's job.
- 64.I told my therapist about you.
- 65.Take my lowest priority and put yourself beneath it.
- 66.If you were an inanimate object, you'd be a participation trophy.
- 67.Hey, you have something on your chin. No, the 3rd one down.
- 68.I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral.
- 69.People like you are the reason God doesn't talk to us anymore.
- 70.You are a pizza burn on the roof of the world's mouth.
- 71.If genius skips a generation, your children will be brilliant.
- 72.You're my favorite person… besides every other person I've ever met.
- 73.You're about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
- 74.I believed in evolution until I met you.
- 75.You are proof that evolution can go in reverse.
- 76.Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything!
- 77.I know you are, but what am I?
- 78.Yeah? Well, you smell like hot dog water.
- 79.Isn't it dangerous to use your whole vocabulary in one sentence?
- 80.Sorry, not sorry.
- 81.If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke.
- 82.I do not consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.
- 83.If I throw a stick, will you leave?
- 84.In the land of the witless, you would be king.
- 85.I would prefer a battle of wits, but you appear unarmed.
- 86.I like the way you try.
- 87.I'm jealous of all the people who haven't met you.
- 88.People clap when they see you. They clap their hands over their eyes.
- 89.When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change… except the direction I was walking in.
- 90.You look like something I would draw with my left hand.
- 91.I look ugly? Good. I was trying to look like you today.
- 92.I would never date you. I'm lonely, not desperate.
- 93.I don't have the patience or the crayons to explain this to you.
- 94.My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle.
- 95.I'd say you're 'dumb as a rock,' but at least a rock can hold a door open.
- 96.I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you.
- 97.You're a conversation starter. Not when you are around, but once you leave.
- 98.First off: Brush your teeth.
- 99.I find the fact that you've lived this long both surprising and disappointing.
- 100.You're impossible to underestimate.
- 101.You should carry a plant around with you to replace the oxygen you waste.
- 102.Somewhere, somehow, you are robbing a village of their idiot.
- 103.You are the reason why shampoo has instructions.
- 104.I'd give you a nasty look, but you've already got one.
- 105.Mister Rogers would be disappointed with you.
- 106.If you were the light at the end of the tunnel, I'd turn back around.
- 107.Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons?
- 108.You should really come with a warning label.
- 109.I don't know what your problem is, but I'm guessing it's hard to pronounce.
- 110.I will ignore you so hard you will start doubting your existence.
- 111.Stupidity isn't a crime, so you're free to go.
- 112.Too bad you can't Photoshop your ugly personality.
- 113.Don't you get tired of putting makeup on your two faces every morning?
- 114.The people who tolerate you on a daily basis are the real heroes.
- 115.You see that door? I want you on the other side of it.
- 116.Please just tell me you don't plan to home-school your kids.
- 117.If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.
- 118.Jesus might love you, but everyone else definitely thinks you're an idiot.
- 119.You look like a 'before' picture.
- 120.Good story, but in what chapter do you shut up?
- 121.May both sides of your pillow be uncomfortably warm.
- 122.I am returning your nose. I found it in my business.
- 123.What doesn't kill you, disappoints me.
- 124.Jealousy is a disease. Get well soon.
- 125.Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.
- 126.Who ate your bowl of sunshine this morning, thundercloud?
- 127.Earth is full. Go home.
- 128.You're about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.
- 129.There are some remarkably dumb people in this world. Thanks for helping me understand that.
- 130.Aww, it's so cute when you try to talk about things you don't understand.
- 131.You fear success, but you really have nothing to worry about.
- 132.The last time I saw a face like yours, I fed it a banana.
- 133.As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
- 134.Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
- 135.Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
- 136.You're living proof it's possible to live without a brain.
- 137.How much of a refund do you expect on your head, since it's empty?
- 138.Brains aren't everything. In your case, they're nothing.
- 139.I have seen people like you. But I had to pay admission.
- 140.Are you ever overwhelmed with the urge to tell someone to shut up? That's how I feel right now.
- 141.Two wrongs don't make a right. Take your parents, for instance.
- 142.You have a face only a mother could love.
- 143.If I said anything to offend you it was purely intentional.
- 144.You're a bad person. Enough said.
- 145.You're the type of person who can't read the room.
- 146."What, like it's hard?" — Elle Woods, Legally Blonde
- 147."Well, the jerk store called, and they're running out of you." — Seinfeld
- 148."Don't get bitter, just get better." — Alyssa Edwards, RuPaul's Drag Race
- 149."Impersonating Beyoncé is not your destiny, child." — RuPaul
- 150."Where'd you get your outfits, girl, American Apparently Not?" — Trixie Mattel
- 151."Go back to Party City, where you belong!" — Phi Phi O'Hara
- 152."You are so full of crap, the toilet's jealous." — Jinkx Monsoon
- 153."It looks like she went into Claire's Boutique, fell on a sale rack and said, 'I'll take it!'" — Bianca Del Rio
- 154."Check your lipstick before you come for me." — Naomi Smalls
- 155."If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman." — Margaret Thatcher